Saturday, January 28, 2006
Horoscope for the week of January 26, 2006
SAGITARIUS
Professor Robert Crease asked physicists to name the ten most beautiful experiments of all time. The winners were elegant and simple. They required minimal apparatus, few or no assistants, and little computational power. One was Galileo's legendary proof of the nature of gravity, in which he dropped two objects of different weights from the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Another was the brainchild of Isaac Newton, who used a prism to decompose sunlight into a spectrum of hues. I invite you to be inspired by the spirit of these beautiful experiments, Sagittarius. Come up with a lucid, ingenious hypothesis that will help you gather useful data about a question that's crucial for you to explore.
Free will Astrology
Friday crafts
I went to lunch with grandma at Chef's Hut (yes it is my favorite place) then went home and started working on some craft projects I am doing.
I am fixing up a mirror I got at the dollar store, it is about 20 by 8 inches and has a simple black frame. I have a piece of dense art cardboard that keeps falling over and getting smacked by my bedroom door so I outlined the mirror and cut out a swirling pattern inside and outside the frame. I then took cheap school glue and drizzled it all over the top of it and let it dry on the door of the oven, this gave it a texture. I painted it dark copper red then brushed one a lighter bronzy copper, and glued the cover to mirror.
I also mock paper-mache'd a skull. I bought a couple cheap plastic skulls at Wal-Mart over Halloween and to make them look more artistic I used tissue and school glue and covered them with a few layers of strips, this gives them a paper mache' finish and then painted them, I have one with a crown of roses and this spring when the Quince at my grandma's house thaw I will make a crown of thorns for the other one.
I am also working on a mini one to use as an incense stick burner. I took one of those little skulls people give kids candy in and layered the inside with glue and crumpled paper then drilled a hole in the top and used a bone bead I had as a shaft for the stick to go in. I then glued it shut and papered the outside of it, painted it white and then used glow in the dark fingernail polish and covered it, all I have left to do is the eyes, the nose an highlight the teeth.
The last project I did was to turn a cheap dollar store vase into a cool container for loose change. I used the same reddish copper colored paint and a blue metallic paint and drizzled them inside the vase and swirled them around, after letting it dry it gives the vase a weird metallic look.
I called grandma around 6:30 Pm and she was not home, I kept calling til 7 and started to panic, I have told her to call me if she needed to go anywhere at night since she is very nightblind so I kept thinking she must be hurt or had to take Grandpa to the hospital or something, I know it sounds silly but my grandma has had health issues recently so I panic.
I drove over there to check on her and she had just come in from taking her taxes down to Kinko's to make copies so she could drop them off at the post office. Grandma is one of the most important people in my life and I worry about her.
To calm down afterward Jeff and I went to his work and had a beer and split a sandwich while Marrisa was working, we ended up spending 2 and a half hours just visiting together and with his co-workers, I was home by 10:30. Yes I am a party animal.
I am fixing up a mirror I got at the dollar store, it is about 20 by 8 inches and has a simple black frame. I have a piece of dense art cardboard that keeps falling over and getting smacked by my bedroom door so I outlined the mirror and cut out a swirling pattern inside and outside the frame. I then took cheap school glue and drizzled it all over the top of it and let it dry on the door of the oven, this gave it a texture. I painted it dark copper red then brushed one a lighter bronzy copper, and glued the cover to mirror.
I also mock paper-mache'd a skull. I bought a couple cheap plastic skulls at Wal-Mart over Halloween and to make them look more artistic I used tissue and school glue and covered them with a few layers of strips, this gives them a paper mache' finish and then painted them, I have one with a crown of roses and this spring when the Quince at my grandma's house thaw I will make a crown of thorns for the other one.
I am also working on a mini one to use as an incense stick burner. I took one of those little skulls people give kids candy in and layered the inside with glue and crumpled paper then drilled a hole in the top and used a bone bead I had as a shaft for the stick to go in. I then glued it shut and papered the outside of it, painted it white and then used glow in the dark fingernail polish and covered it, all I have left to do is the eyes, the nose an highlight the teeth.
The last project I did was to turn a cheap dollar store vase into a cool container for loose change. I used the same reddish copper colored paint and a blue metallic paint and drizzled them inside the vase and swirled them around, after letting it dry it gives the vase a weird metallic look.
I called grandma around 6:30 Pm and she was not home, I kept calling til 7 and started to panic, I have told her to call me if she needed to go anywhere at night since she is very nightblind so I kept thinking she must be hurt or had to take Grandpa to the hospital or something, I know it sounds silly but my grandma has had health issues recently so I panic.
I drove over there to check on her and she had just come in from taking her taxes down to Kinko's to make copies so she could drop them off at the post office. Grandma is one of the most important people in my life and I worry about her.
To calm down afterward Jeff and I went to his work and had a beer and split a sandwich while Marrisa was working, we ended up spending 2 and a half hours just visiting together and with his co-workers, I was home by 10:30. Yes I am a party animal.
One red Paperclip
I have been reading the blog for ONE RED PAPERCLIP This is a hilarious account of a man who is trying to barter one red paperclip for a house. So far he has bartered the clip for a doorknob, a coleman stove, a generator, a keg full of beer and a beer sigh, a snowmobile, a trip to Yahk BC and a Cube van.
This is one of those things where you smack yourself on te head and think "Why didn't I come up with tht?"
This is one of those things where you smack yourself on te head and think "Why didn't I come up with tht?"
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Babysitting
I babysat Nadia on Wednesday since she was sick home from school. I picked her up at Jeff's place at 9:30 and took him to work then Nadia and I went back to my place and picked up *A* who had been sleeping and the 3 of us went to breakfast together at Chef's hut.
I have mentioned Chef's Hut in a blog a long time ago, it is this great little diner hidden in an office complex that has the best food for cheap prices. You can get Pancakes or waffles or frenchtoast and bacon with a couple of eggs for $3 and the coffee is only $1. So with Nadia's hot chocolate and all 3 of our meals we only spent a little over $12 total for a huge breakfast. Chef's Hut is not fancy but it is one of those places where the waitresses know your name.
Nadia and I went back to my place and *A* went to go see his cousins, I am so glad I have my frontroom all set up so Nadia and I could watch TV in there and relax where she had room to play with her doll and stuff. She said to me "Wow your place is a lot cleaner now."
I have mentioned Chef's Hut in a blog a long time ago, it is this great little diner hidden in an office complex that has the best food for cheap prices. You can get Pancakes or waffles or frenchtoast and bacon with a couple of eggs for $3 and the coffee is only $1. So with Nadia's hot chocolate and all 3 of our meals we only spent a little over $12 total for a huge breakfast. Chef's Hut is not fancy but it is one of those places where the waitresses know your name.
Nadia and I went back to my place and *A* went to go see his cousins, I am so glad I have my frontroom all set up so Nadia and I could watch TV in there and relax where she had room to play with her doll and stuff. She said to me "Wow your place is a lot cleaner now."
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Proud of myself
I have lived here since Oct. and I have barely unpacked anything, I only just decided this last month that I was going to live here after next Oct. when my lease is up.
Mom has been coming over for an hour or so on Mondays and helping me unpack a little at a time, I have just not felt very good or had any motivation to get anything put away.
This evening *A* came over and ended up taking a nap so I started to watch TV in the front room, to do that I had to clear off the couch, so I decided to cover it with a velux blanket I have and while I was at it I got some of my throw pillows. Then I decided I did not like where my TV was so I moved a different stand in from the kitchen and put my microwave on a TV stand and covered the kitchen trolly with a sarong I bought this summer. That opened up the coffee table I had done a collage on and I kept thinking well I can put some things out now.
So I began to unpack a few things here and there and since most of my boxes also have books in them I started to fill my bookcases. Now I have one small bookcase full and a shelf of one of my bigger ones done, I also have my other coffee table cleared off of junk and at least 3 or 4 boxes of my nik-naks unpacked.
It feels really good to finally start making my place something I can be proud of and to know my Mom will be impressed.
Mom has been coming over for an hour or so on Mondays and helping me unpack a little at a time, I have just not felt very good or had any motivation to get anything put away.
This evening *A* came over and ended up taking a nap so I started to watch TV in the front room, to do that I had to clear off the couch, so I decided to cover it with a velux blanket I have and while I was at it I got some of my throw pillows. Then I decided I did not like where my TV was so I moved a different stand in from the kitchen and put my microwave on a TV stand and covered the kitchen trolly with a sarong I bought this summer. That opened up the coffee table I had done a collage on and I kept thinking well I can put some things out now.
So I began to unpack a few things here and there and since most of my boxes also have books in them I started to fill my bookcases. Now I have one small bookcase full and a shelf of one of my bigger ones done, I also have my other coffee table cleared off of junk and at least 3 or 4 boxes of my nik-naks unpacked.
It feels really good to finally start making my place something I can be proud of and to know my Mom will be impressed.
The Maxx
One of the people we game with on Mondays went to see G Love and Special Sauce in concert tonight so we ended up watching Shreck, and The MAXX and playing Zombies.
The MAXX if you have never seen it was a series that was on MTV during the early to mid 90's. It has some of the best lines ever and is possibly one of the oddest cartoons ever made.
Life is pretty pathetic when even your own hallucinations lie to you.
Pain lasts, kid. It's how you know you're alive. Sometimes I think this growing up thing is just pain management.
What a cruel world, letting something this profound be conveyed in words this trite!
Ah just the bundle of negative reinforcement I was hoping to see
The MAXX if you have never seen it was a series that was on MTV during the early to mid 90's. It has some of the best lines ever and is possibly one of the oddest cartoons ever made.
Life is pretty pathetic when even your own hallucinations lie to you.
Pain lasts, kid. It's how you know you're alive. Sometimes I think this growing up thing is just pain management.
What a cruel world, letting something this profound be conveyed in words this trite!
Ah just the bundle of negative reinforcement I was hoping to see
Sunday, January 22, 2006
I have the worlds clumsiest cat
Last night Jeff and I am Marissa went to the Cactus before she went to work and then Jeff and I went to his work to have a beer (or beer and tomato for me) and split a big order of french fries. We are sitting at the bar and Saturday Night live comes one and they have a skit about cats and one of the last lines is about FANG the Cat Ninja.
I said "It should be NEPO the Cat Ninja"
Jeff looks at me and says...
"Is he the one who falls over all the time?"
I said "It should be NEPO the Cat Ninja"
Jeff looks at me and says...
"Is he the one who falls over all the time?"
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Cheap food
I just got back from going to a local Mexican restaurant with Brandy, we go and order pops and split a desert and eat tons of tortilla chips and bean dip and killer pineapple salsa. We end full as ticks for a total of $8 with tip.
I also had free soup at Jeff's work the last two days for driving Nadia around after school, he makes some of the best soup I have had in years.
I hate being poor but it sure does make you get good at doing stuff for free or for cheap, like going to the bar and hanging out drinking a pop, going to dollar movies or using coupons. *A* spent Tue and Wed with me and we went out to a different Mexican place on a 2 for one coupon and had so much food we had to each bring some home with us and a pop each and the total was $14.48.
*A* and I talked last night and I made it clear to him that even though I love him as a friend last thing I want is to fall in love with anyone much less a 21 yr old right now. I think that made him feel a little more comfortable, he is young and doesn't want to get serious. I didn't come right out and tell him I have other lovers but I am pretty sure he has guessed since he has seen me kiss *T* at the bar, if he comes right out and asks me I will tell him that yes I do have other playmates.
Speaking of *T* a month a go he told me he had started dating and would not be able to play, I told him it was O.K. since I have another playmate. This Sunday he was at the bar and told me how his GF had moved to California and broke off with him, he told me he was pretty much over it and we flirted all night and then he came over here. I wish I could take the best parts (physical and mental) of all 3 of them and make one great BF, throwing in a few things from other guys I know. FrankenBoyFriend.
Maybe it sounds awful that I have more then one playmate, but I have kind of given up hope of finding a boyfriend who wants just me for me and who I want as much. All of them are guys I consider friends, who I would spend time with outside of the bedroom. I refuse to give up my pleasure on the slim hope it will help if I ever meet the right guy, if I do my playmates will understand.
I also had free soup at Jeff's work the last two days for driving Nadia around after school, he makes some of the best soup I have had in years.
I hate being poor but it sure does make you get good at doing stuff for free or for cheap, like going to the bar and hanging out drinking a pop, going to dollar movies or using coupons. *A* spent Tue and Wed with me and we went out to a different Mexican place on a 2 for one coupon and had so much food we had to each bring some home with us and a pop each and the total was $14.48.
*A* and I talked last night and I made it clear to him that even though I love him as a friend last thing I want is to fall in love with anyone much less a 21 yr old right now. I think that made him feel a little more comfortable, he is young and doesn't want to get serious. I didn't come right out and tell him I have other lovers but I am pretty sure he has guessed since he has seen me kiss *T* at the bar, if he comes right out and asks me I will tell him that yes I do have other playmates.
Speaking of *T* a month a go he told me he had started dating and would not be able to play, I told him it was O.K. since I have another playmate. This Sunday he was at the bar and told me how his GF had moved to California and broke off with him, he told me he was pretty much over it and we flirted all night and then he came over here. I wish I could take the best parts (physical and mental) of all 3 of them and make one great BF, throwing in a few things from other guys I know. FrankenBoyFriend.
Maybe it sounds awful that I have more then one playmate, but I have kind of given up hope of finding a boyfriend who wants just me for me and who I want as much. All of them are guys I consider friends, who I would spend time with outside of the bedroom. I refuse to give up my pleasure on the slim hope it will help if I ever meet the right guy, if I do my playmates will understand.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Dante's Inferno Test
That the test to see which level of hell you belong in...LOL
I am in :
THE SEVENTH LEVEL OF HELL
Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment. The stench here is overpowering. This level is also home to the wood of the suicides- stunted and gnarled trees with twisting branches and poisoned fruit. At the time of final judgement, their bodies will hang from their branches. In those branches the Harpies, foul birdlike creatures with human faces, make their nests. Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire that rain down against their naked bodies. Blasphemers and sodomites writhe in pain, their tongues more loosed to lamentation, and out of their eyes gushes forth their woe. Usurers, who followed neither nature nor art, also share company in the Seventh Level.
I am in :
THE SEVENTH LEVEL OF HELL
Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment. The stench here is overpowering. This level is also home to the wood of the suicides- stunted and gnarled trees with twisting branches and poisoned fruit. At the time of final judgement, their bodies will hang from their branches. In those branches the Harpies, foul birdlike creatures with human faces, make their nests. Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire that rain down against their naked bodies. Blasphemers and sodomites writhe in pain, their tongues more loosed to lamentation, and out of their eyes gushes forth their woe. Usurers, who followed neither nature nor art, also share company in the Seventh Level.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Saturday Nights Alright
Had kind of a strange day today. *A* showed up at 7:30 am and woke me up(he works nights), we spent about half an hour cuddling and then both fell asleep all day long even though I had already been asleep for about 3 hours by then. I woke up a few times, played on the computer and all but kept going back to sleep so I woke up with him at about 6 pm. We cuddled while watching TV and then decided to go to IHOP for all you can eat pancakes which in my case was 4 with 4 slices of bacon and half a rasher of hashbrowns, still it didn't cost more to get the extra pancakes then if I had just ordered a basic breakfast. The funny thing is neither *A* nor I like eggs and always ask for substitutions.
He had to leave for work at 9 so we came back and watched part of UNDERWORLD on cable then fooled around for a few mins before he had to leave. *A* has been sleeping on the floor on a couple of sleeping bags cause my bed is way too soft for him so it was really sweet he would come over here to sleep just so he could spend a few hours hanging out with me after he woke up.
I was wide awake since I had slept all day and drank half a pot of coffee at IHOP so I gave Brandy a call to see if she wanted to go out to the bar and hang out a bit even though neither of us are drinking... I am broke and trying to not drink cause of my meds and Brandy is preggers. Brandy and Tom (her BF) agreed to go down to Mulligan's with me. We usually go on Wednesday when the crowd is a little different and I know a lot more people but it was pretty good tonight. We ran in to Jeff and Marissa and Hope and Jason.
So there I am the only single in a group of 3 couples, I hate being single at times like that.
One thing I hate is I can never tell if I guy who talks to me is flirting or just being nice to the fat chick. This one guy was asking me questions about how often I go to Mulligan's (not much lately) and we talked for a while but when one of his friends came up he stopped talking to me and I got the feeling he did not want them to think he was interested.
Everyone decided to go to Bada Boom to do Kareoke but they were just playing horrible rap and modern R&B (to be honest I don't even know how to classify the music except by the term black which is so wrong) so Jeff and Marissa and a few other friends decided to go down to the Cactus bar, sort of a dive bar down the street. I took Brandy and Tom home and drove down to the other bar and figured they would be there by the time i got there but they weren't. I wandered down the street to my friend's hotdog cart and tried to call Jeff but he never heard his phone.
I now remember one of the reasons I no longer hang out downtown, in just the 20 or so mins I was down there on the street I was insulted, commented on, I heard "My god you have big titties" to which I said "You have a big mouth now shut it"
One guy even tried to grab my tit but I twisted his arm away and almost hit him with my lunchbox purse. Other people pointed and one or two seemed to be complimentary but it all comes off feeling like insults when they are laughing about it.
I finally went down to the Cactus again and there was everyone, they had wandered over to Marissa's work which is just down the street.
Here I am trying to get over a chest cold and an earache and I am wandering around in 35* temps and light rain without a coat and no sleeves and hanging out in smoky bars. If I get sick again I deserve it.
Considering i have slept so much it is sad to admit I am tired again and that i am headed back to bed, winter always makes me so sleepy.
Listening to : Nothing Compares 2 U (Sinead O'Connor) on my launchcast station
He had to leave for work at 9 so we came back and watched part of UNDERWORLD on cable then fooled around for a few mins before he had to leave. *A* has been sleeping on the floor on a couple of sleeping bags cause my bed is way too soft for him so it was really sweet he would come over here to sleep just so he could spend a few hours hanging out with me after he woke up.
I was wide awake since I had slept all day and drank half a pot of coffee at IHOP so I gave Brandy a call to see if she wanted to go out to the bar and hang out a bit even though neither of us are drinking... I am broke and trying to not drink cause of my meds and Brandy is preggers. Brandy and Tom (her BF) agreed to go down to Mulligan's with me. We usually go on Wednesday when the crowd is a little different and I know a lot more people but it was pretty good tonight. We ran in to Jeff and Marissa and Hope and Jason.
So there I am the only single in a group of 3 couples, I hate being single at times like that.
One thing I hate is I can never tell if I guy who talks to me is flirting or just being nice to the fat chick. This one guy was asking me questions about how often I go to Mulligan's (not much lately) and we talked for a while but when one of his friends came up he stopped talking to me and I got the feeling he did not want them to think he was interested.
Everyone decided to go to Bada Boom to do Kareoke but they were just playing horrible rap and modern R&B (to be honest I don't even know how to classify the music except by the term black which is so wrong) so Jeff and Marissa and a few other friends decided to go down to the Cactus bar, sort of a dive bar down the street. I took Brandy and Tom home and drove down to the other bar and figured they would be there by the time i got there but they weren't. I wandered down the street to my friend's hotdog cart and tried to call Jeff but he never heard his phone.
I now remember one of the reasons I no longer hang out downtown, in just the 20 or so mins I was down there on the street I was insulted, commented on, I heard "My god you have big titties" to which I said "You have a big mouth now shut it"
One guy even tried to grab my tit but I twisted his arm away and almost hit him with my lunchbox purse. Other people pointed and one or two seemed to be complimentary but it all comes off feeling like insults when they are laughing about it.
I finally went down to the Cactus again and there was everyone, they had wandered over to Marissa's work which is just down the street.
Here I am trying to get over a chest cold and an earache and I am wandering around in 35* temps and light rain without a coat and no sleeves and hanging out in smoky bars. If I get sick again I deserve it.
Considering i have slept so much it is sad to admit I am tired again and that i am headed back to bed, winter always makes me so sleepy.
Listening to : Nothing Compares 2 U (Sinead O'Connor) on my launchcast station
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Friday the 13th
My earache is getting better, but I am taking these monstrously huge antibiotics for it twice a day.
Today was Jeff's moving day, I thought NO PROBLEM, move a few loads be done in a few hours. He called me around 10:30, I was over there around 11:30 and we got done moving stuff at 8:30 and we still have at least one load to go.
It has been just over a year now since I met Jeff, kind of hard to believe that is all it has been it feels like we have known each other for years.
Thursday I picked Nadia up at school and then went and got Marissa at her place and kept Nadia more or less entertained with a dozen games of War and Go Fish before I got burned out and siced her on Jeff while Marissa and I played Rummy, I totally have her addicted to it, Jeff has her addicted to BattleTech and she games with us on Mondays, I told her it is complete, her transformation into a geekgirlgamer.
Jeff and Marissa are so perfect for each other it is sometimes hard to be around them, it just reminds me I am not in a relationship. *A* is a great guy, sweet as can be and a lot of fun, I see him about 2 days a week and we have a great time, but he is 21 and a very young 21 at that and we are definitely not dating.
I want a guy a little closer to my age (even though I love younger men, I would love to meet one between say 25 and 35) with similar intersects to mine, no kids, a job, a place of his own or decent roommates, who does not quote every movie he has ever seen.
Quoters have to be with Quoters to keep from driving the non-quoters insane, my ex Steve is a quoter and he ended up married to one and both Jeff and Marissa are rabid quoters. I hate that I have a lousy memory and can't quote but at the same time I sometimes want to shout "SAY SOMETHING ORIGINAL!"
What are my interests?
I am very open to different things and I either meet guys who don't like any of the stuff I do or who are obsessed with one thing, like one type of music or one type of movie.
I like a wide variety of music even country, blues and jazz but I do prefer Goth and Alt. Rock. I tend to meet guys who are totally into their one type of music, such as country or 70's rock, and they have no interest in listening to mine as well as theirs so I end up listening to their music since I like most of it, which is fine but a little annoying after a while.
The same with movies, I like most types, comedies, action/adventure, Sc-fi, and some really strange stuff, but I am not a fan of serious horror (and lately it is all serious gory horror) and I tend to meet guys who are totally into horror or who only like anime.
I am very liberal and I live in a conservative state.
I have loosely alternative beliefs but I am a bit agnostic about them as well, I simply am not sure what I believe from one time to another, it ebbs and flows with what is happening in my life. I live in a state with a lot of religion and I am including the devout pagans I know in that group.
I love to read, I am an avid reader and can spend hours at the bookstore hanging out and drinking coffee, but lets be honest I prefer brain candy, I did all my serious good-for-you reading when I was younger, when my life was easier, now I just want to escape into comedy or mystery. I tend to meet guys who either don't read or who look down on the "fluffy stuff."
And of course there is the fact that I am not very good with kids, I love Nadia but she is pretty much all the kid I can handle and there are times she tries my last nerve. I did the relationship-with-kids-attached thing and I don't think I can do it again.
Then there is the weight, and the fact that I want to loose weight, first off there is a very very very limited group of guys who dig really big women and a lot of them are just looking to get laid and would not date someone my size. Then on top of that is the fact that I NEED to loose weight (that is going crappy) so if I do loose the weight I need my body is not going to be the same.
And then there is the knees, who is going to want to tie themselves to a person who can't go for a simple walk in the park and who going shopping is an effort? Or who may very well end up in a wheelchair in the next few years? It isn't like it is something I can lie about, it is there for everyone to see in the way I walk and the pain I have a hard time hiding.
Did I mention the Mental issues? Yeah cause Manic-depression is so sexy.
OK I am being down on myself, maybe it is the weather, or just the fact that everyone I know is in a couple right now it seems. I am going back to bed I think.
Listening to : In the Flat Field (BAUHAUS) On my launchcast Station
Today was Jeff's moving day, I thought NO PROBLEM, move a few loads be done in a few hours. He called me around 10:30, I was over there around 11:30 and we got done moving stuff at 8:30 and we still have at least one load to go.
It has been just over a year now since I met Jeff, kind of hard to believe that is all it has been it feels like we have known each other for years.
Thursday I picked Nadia up at school and then went and got Marissa at her place and kept Nadia more or less entertained with a dozen games of War and Go Fish before I got burned out and siced her on Jeff while Marissa and I played Rummy, I totally have her addicted to it, Jeff has her addicted to BattleTech and she games with us on Mondays, I told her it is complete, her transformation into a geekgirlgamer.
Jeff and Marissa are so perfect for each other it is sometimes hard to be around them, it just reminds me I am not in a relationship. *A* is a great guy, sweet as can be and a lot of fun, I see him about 2 days a week and we have a great time, but he is 21 and a very young 21 at that and we are definitely not dating.
I want a guy a little closer to my age (even though I love younger men, I would love to meet one between say 25 and 35) with similar intersects to mine, no kids, a job, a place of his own or decent roommates, who does not quote every movie he has ever seen.
Quoters have to be with Quoters to keep from driving the non-quoters insane, my ex Steve is a quoter and he ended up married to one and both Jeff and Marissa are rabid quoters. I hate that I have a lousy memory and can't quote but at the same time I sometimes want to shout "SAY SOMETHING ORIGINAL!"
What are my interests?
I am very open to different things and I either meet guys who don't like any of the stuff I do or who are obsessed with one thing, like one type of music or one type of movie.
I like a wide variety of music even country, blues and jazz but I do prefer Goth and Alt. Rock. I tend to meet guys who are totally into their one type of music, such as country or 70's rock, and they have no interest in listening to mine as well as theirs so I end up listening to their music since I like most of it, which is fine but a little annoying after a while.
The same with movies, I like most types, comedies, action/adventure, Sc-fi, and some really strange stuff, but I am not a fan of serious horror (and lately it is all serious gory horror) and I tend to meet guys who are totally into horror or who only like anime.
I am very liberal and I live in a conservative state.
I have loosely alternative beliefs but I am a bit agnostic about them as well, I simply am not sure what I believe from one time to another, it ebbs and flows with what is happening in my life. I live in a state with a lot of religion and I am including the devout pagans I know in that group.
I love to read, I am an avid reader and can spend hours at the bookstore hanging out and drinking coffee, but lets be honest I prefer brain candy, I did all my serious good-for-you reading when I was younger, when my life was easier, now I just want to escape into comedy or mystery. I tend to meet guys who either don't read or who look down on the "fluffy stuff."
And of course there is the fact that I am not very good with kids, I love Nadia but she is pretty much all the kid I can handle and there are times she tries my last nerve. I did the relationship-with-kids-attached thing and I don't think I can do it again.
Then there is the weight, and the fact that I want to loose weight, first off there is a very very very limited group of guys who dig really big women and a lot of them are just looking to get laid and would not date someone my size. Then on top of that is the fact that I NEED to loose weight (that is going crappy) so if I do loose the weight I need my body is not going to be the same.
And then there is the knees, who is going to want to tie themselves to a person who can't go for a simple walk in the park and who going shopping is an effort? Or who may very well end up in a wheelchair in the next few years? It isn't like it is something I can lie about, it is there for everyone to see in the way I walk and the pain I have a hard time hiding.
Did I mention the Mental issues? Yeah cause Manic-depression is so sexy.
OK I am being down on myself, maybe it is the weather, or just the fact that everyone I know is in a couple right now it seems. I am going back to bed I think.
Listening to : In the Flat Field (BAUHAUS) On my launchcast Station
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Ear infection
Ends up I have an ear infection in my right ear, I was able to get a noon appointment with my Dr. She gave me a script for Augmentin which I spent 30 mins at the pharmacy trying to get filled and ended up having to leave to go pick up Nadia from school, as it was I was 10 mins late and it was raining, talk about feeling like a bad auntie. Thankfully I won't have to go get her the next few days.
Anyway I never did make it back to the pharmacy so I will have to get the antibiotics tomorrow and hope I can sleep tonight.
Anyway I never did make it back to the pharmacy so I will have to get the antibiotics tomorrow and hope I can sleep tonight.
OWWWW
I was just getting over my cold and now I have woken up at 3 am with an earache, I haven't had one of these since I was a teen.
I have been laying on the heating pad but it is on my right side and it is hard for me to lay on that side for long because of my knee. I feel like I am falling apart.
I took one of my last vicadin (5m) and a couple of tylenol's and I hope they will take effect so I can lay down for a while until my Dr.'s office opens. It wouldn't be so bad except I have appointments all day long and I have to pick Nadia up from school at 3. My Dr.'s don't even open until 9 am.
Yesterday was a lot of fun, I picked Jeff up from work around 2 and we went to coffee at this shop near his work and his GF Marissa rode the bus over and met us, then Nadia's Grandma brought her by. We hung out and visited and then went to Wal-mart where I found my favorite candles on sale, I really, really should not have spent the money on them since I am very broke this month but I love the pumpkin spice scent that they only have in the winter and this was a closeout on it. I bought another of the box sets of two 20 oz bottle candles and four 2 inch tall candle holders with candles in them for $7 and then I bought the last nine votive candles that would fit in the holders when they are empty at $.25 each.
I also found a great deal on gummy bracelets, the kind we use to wear in the 80s...lol $.25 for sets of 10, I bought a bunch for friends.
Jeff is having to move in with Marissa since the place he rents sold so this is the last week we will be having our Monday game at his place, Marissa's place is upstairs which is bad enough but they are some of the steepest steps I have seen, I try to go up them as seldom as possible, it is going to be a lot harder when they are both there since I spend a lot of time visiting them. Her place is tiny and for the three of them (including Nadia 3 or 4 nights a week) it will be cramped, it makes me so glad I have a bigger place even if it is not in the center of town and is near a police station, a fire station and a railroad track. I have way too much stuff for a small place.
I need to get organized, all the half unpacked boxes in the computer room are threatening to spill out over me, I need to find all the lids for them, put them in the closet and hang up all the clothes that are packed in the closet now. I just haven't been very motivated lately, I am worried I am getting S.A.D. again.
I have been laying on the heating pad but it is on my right side and it is hard for me to lay on that side for long because of my knee. I feel like I am falling apart.
I took one of my last vicadin (5m) and a couple of tylenol's and I hope they will take effect so I can lay down for a while until my Dr.'s office opens. It wouldn't be so bad except I have appointments all day long and I have to pick Nadia up from school at 3. My Dr.'s don't even open until 9 am.
Yesterday was a lot of fun, I picked Jeff up from work around 2 and we went to coffee at this shop near his work and his GF Marissa rode the bus over and met us, then Nadia's Grandma brought her by. We hung out and visited and then went to Wal-mart where I found my favorite candles on sale, I really, really should not have spent the money on them since I am very broke this month but I love the pumpkin spice scent that they only have in the winter and this was a closeout on it. I bought another of the box sets of two 20 oz bottle candles and four 2 inch tall candle holders with candles in them for $7 and then I bought the last nine votive candles that would fit in the holders when they are empty at $.25 each.
I also found a great deal on gummy bracelets, the kind we use to wear in the 80s...lol $.25 for sets of 10, I bought a bunch for friends.
Jeff is having to move in with Marissa since the place he rents sold so this is the last week we will be having our Monday game at his place, Marissa's place is upstairs which is bad enough but they are some of the steepest steps I have seen, I try to go up them as seldom as possible, it is going to be a lot harder when they are both there since I spend a lot of time visiting them. Her place is tiny and for the three of them (including Nadia 3 or 4 nights a week) it will be cramped, it makes me so glad I have a bigger place even if it is not in the center of town and is near a police station, a fire station and a railroad track. I have way too much stuff for a small place.
I need to get organized, all the half unpacked boxes in the computer room are threatening to spill out over me, I need to find all the lids for them, put them in the closet and hang up all the clothes that are packed in the closet now. I just haven't been very motivated lately, I am worried I am getting S.A.D. again.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
I am sick
damn cold
Monday, January 02, 2006
Damn
I feel so crappy, I feel weak and clammy, I hope it is just the weather and that I am not getting *A*'s cold.
I also feel so depressed.
Today is Marissa's birthday and so we had a get together instead of the weekly game, her place is tiny and on the second floor up a flight of really steep steps which just hurt my knees like hell to go up and worse to go down. We had cake and watched Mystery Science Theater 3000, I guess it is cause I was out of it and because I have seen that one a few times before but I just did not find it all that funny. There was everyone laughing up a storm and I am just sitting there feeling like I must be some kind of dud for not finding it funny. Sometimes I just don't feel like I am connected with the rest of the world, like I don't mesh gears with the people around me.
Everyone decided they were hungry so they wanted to go to Marissa's work which is only about 2 blocks away but I knew if I walked that with my knees hurting the way they have been and then walked back I would be miserable tomorrow. Jeff was a sweetie and went in the van with me while everyone else walked. They have great subs where she works but I ate too much and could not finish my 8 inch Italian sub. ((my that sounds dirty, an 8inch Italian sub))
I had promised to give Marissa's friend a ride home but I did not want her to have to go home at 9:40 PM so I had to ask around and find one of my friends who would drop her off on their way home.
Nice thing was I came home and *A* was here, I had told him I might be home around midnight and he could come and watch TV and wait for me if he wanted to. It was nice to come home to someone when I am feeling so crappy and down.
I realize I have got to get serious again about my diet, I don't know how much damage I did this last month but I realize I have to loose weight, I can't keep hurting all the time and I think eating junk food is part of the problem with my mood.
So starting on the 3rd I will not be drinking any more soda pop, eating any more fast food and I will cut back on all sweets as much as I possibly can. I will also cut way back on going out to eat since I have spent way too much money this last week taking friends out to eat and getting stuff for me. I could have spent the same money on groceries and ate well for the whole month.
I also feel so depressed.
Today is Marissa's birthday and so we had a get together instead of the weekly game, her place is tiny and on the second floor up a flight of really steep steps which just hurt my knees like hell to go up and worse to go down. We had cake and watched Mystery Science Theater 3000, I guess it is cause I was out of it and because I have seen that one a few times before but I just did not find it all that funny. There was everyone laughing up a storm and I am just sitting there feeling like I must be some kind of dud for not finding it funny. Sometimes I just don't feel like I am connected with the rest of the world, like I don't mesh gears with the people around me.
Everyone decided they were hungry so they wanted to go to Marissa's work which is only about 2 blocks away but I knew if I walked that with my knees hurting the way they have been and then walked back I would be miserable tomorrow. Jeff was a sweetie and went in the van with me while everyone else walked. They have great subs where she works but I ate too much and could not finish my 8 inch Italian sub. ((my that sounds dirty, an 8inch Italian sub))
I had promised to give Marissa's friend a ride home but I did not want her to have to go home at 9:40 PM so I had to ask around and find one of my friends who would drop her off on their way home.
Nice thing was I came home and *A* was here, I had told him I might be home around midnight and he could come and watch TV and wait for me if he wanted to. It was nice to come home to someone when I am feeling so crappy and down.
I realize I have got to get serious again about my diet, I don't know how much damage I did this last month but I realize I have to loose weight, I can't keep hurting all the time and I think eating junk food is part of the problem with my mood.
So starting on the 3rd I will not be drinking any more soda pop, eating any more fast food and I will cut back on all sweets as much as I possibly can. I will also cut way back on going out to eat since I have spent way too much money this last week taking friends out to eat and getting stuff for me. I could have spent the same money on groceries and ate well for the whole month.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
New Years Day
Well 2005 is finally over, only thing is almost all of my problems have followed me into the New year.
Arthritis, money issues, emotional bullshit, my grandma being sick, my house being a disaster area of unpacked boxes, except for the house there is not much I can do about the rest of it.
I really blew it to hell and back on my diet for Dec05. I don't know what I might have gained but I have to get dead serious about loosing weight now, I had about 10 good days where my knees were not hurting too bad and now they are aching like hell. The only way I can explain it is when it is bad it is like that feeling you get right when you land on your knees in a fall, except it is every step.
Jeff has to move since the house he is living in has been sold, they have 'til the end of the month but he wants to be out by the middle of January, he is moving in with Marissa. I hope it does not put too much of a strain on their relationship because they are so good for each other, I am so envious because I don't think I will ever find anyone who fits with me so well.
I told Jeff he can store some stuff in my storage closet behind my apt. since Marissa's apt is only about two times the size of the room he lives in now, about 1/3 the size of the place I live in, but it is downtown where she works and near all the buses.
I picked Jeff up and we met Marissa at the Catus bar, a sort of hip little dive bar downtown. I had a Vodka and Cran and a Barracuda (Southern Comfort, Vodka, and triple sec) then we went to Mulligan's where I ordered Tator tots for us all and a Whiskey and Coke, I am not drinking anything more tonight.
I am waiting for *A* to give me a call and tell me when he is coming over here, the visitor parking in my complex is only in one place by the office and so I go and wait for him and give him a ride back to my place, it would not be so bad in the summer when you could cut across dry grass but with all the rain we have had it is a quagmire out back and big sections of the driveways here look like little lakes.
It has pretty much rained non stop for a couple of weeks.
I was thinking of going to Industria since it is Marissa's birthday tomorrow but with *A* sick and my knee killing me I am not sure if I will or if I will just hang out here with him.
Listening to: Dolphin (POE) On my Launchcast station
Arthritis, money issues, emotional bullshit, my grandma being sick, my house being a disaster area of unpacked boxes, except for the house there is not much I can do about the rest of it.
I really blew it to hell and back on my diet for Dec05. I don't know what I might have gained but I have to get dead serious about loosing weight now, I had about 10 good days where my knees were not hurting too bad and now they are aching like hell. The only way I can explain it is when it is bad it is like that feeling you get right when you land on your knees in a fall, except it is every step.
Jeff has to move since the house he is living in has been sold, they have 'til the end of the month but he wants to be out by the middle of January, he is moving in with Marissa. I hope it does not put too much of a strain on their relationship because they are so good for each other, I am so envious because I don't think I will ever find anyone who fits with me so well.
I told Jeff he can store some stuff in my storage closet behind my apt. since Marissa's apt is only about two times the size of the room he lives in now, about 1/3 the size of the place I live in, but it is downtown where she works and near all the buses.
I picked Jeff up and we met Marissa at the Catus bar, a sort of hip little dive bar downtown. I had a Vodka and Cran and a Barracuda (Southern Comfort, Vodka, and triple sec) then we went to Mulligan's where I ordered Tator tots for us all and a Whiskey and Coke, I am not drinking anything more tonight.
I am waiting for *A* to give me a call and tell me when he is coming over here, the visitor parking in my complex is only in one place by the office and so I go and wait for him and give him a ride back to my place, it would not be so bad in the summer when you could cut across dry grass but with all the rain we have had it is a quagmire out back and big sections of the driveways here look like little lakes.
It has pretty much rained non stop for a couple of weeks.
I was thinking of going to Industria since it is Marissa's birthday tomorrow but with *A* sick and my knee killing me I am not sure if I will or if I will just hang out here with him.
Listening to: Dolphin (POE) On my Launchcast station
New Years Eve
Brandy-Angela is back in town after going up north to see her mom, as usual it was not a great trip for her so I decided to take her out to lunch at this Chinese place I had a coupon for, I love coupons.
We visited and talked about what has been going on in our lives, it was nice to spend some time with her alone.
I went home and took a nap and *A* came over after work, the poor guy is so sick, he has an awful cold and it sucks cause he works outside this week. *A* was too sick to go out and party at the bars and he had to go to work at 9am so we would have to get up at 8.
We went to dinner at this Chinese place (yes Chinese twice in one day) and then I bought a Zima tall boy and *A* had a beer so we went home, watched TV and goofed off til midnight when we were already kissing.
Actually it was a pretty damn good new years eve compared to many I have had.
Listening too: Razorblade Kiss (H.I.M.)
We visited and talked about what has been going on in our lives, it was nice to spend some time with her alone.
I went home and took a nap and *A* came over after work, the poor guy is so sick, he has an awful cold and it sucks cause he works outside this week. *A* was too sick to go out and party at the bars and he had to go to work at 9am so we would have to get up at 8.
We went to dinner at this Chinese place (yes Chinese twice in one day) and then I bought a Zima tall boy and *A* had a beer so we went home, watched TV and goofed off til midnight when we were already kissing.
Actually it was a pretty damn good new years eve compared to many I have had.
Listening too: Razorblade Kiss (H.I.M.)
Friday the 30th
I picked Jeff up from his work and we picked up Marissa then went to Mulligan's, it was pretty early so it was kind of dead downtown as late as 8pm, most people must have been waiting to party on the 31st. I had had a vodka and cranberry at Jeff's work and I had a PBR and tomato at Mullies. Then we decided to get some beer, go back to Jeff's house and play king's cup, a drinking game.
We played while watching CKY3 and 4. In kings cup each card has a drinking rule and someone has to drink for every card, you take a huge glass and put it in the middle of the game and everytime you draw a King you have to pour whatever is left of your beer in the glass so by the end of the game there is at east 3 beers in the glass, thankfully we drinking Sessions Stubbies so each beer was not quite so big.
I lost, I ended up having to drink the cup.
Who says I have to grow up?
Listening to: Jesus Built My Hotrod (Ministry)
We played while watching CKY3 and 4. In kings cup each card has a drinking rule and someone has to drink for every card, you take a huge glass and put it in the middle of the game and everytime you draw a King you have to pour whatever is left of your beer in the glass so by the end of the game there is at east 3 beers in the glass, thankfully we drinking Sessions Stubbies so each beer was not quite so big.
I lost, I ended up having to drink the cup.
Who says I have to grow up?
Listening to: Jesus Built My Hotrod (Ministry)
