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Tuesday, November 30, 2004

So Much Going On... 11-27-04 Black Night 

So much has been going on in my life and I have totally fallen down on keeping up with it all on here.
If I try to report all of it I will just get bogged down and never report new stuff so I will just give a quick review.

SATURDAY NOV. 27th

Saturday Both Gen and I ended up sleeping really late which was fine since we intended to be out late but made getting ready for ALX's BLACK NIGHT a bit of a bitch. ALX is the Alternative Lifestyles eXposition which is part of the local BDSM group here in Boise.
I have nothing against BDSM, it just isn't my personal thing. The people who do this are great on the most part and they throw a hell of a party. When I talk with some of them I have actually had it implied that I am some kind of prude for not being into the scene.
Of course people who know me just laugh at that, I am as far from a prude as you can get, I simply don't see the point in making my sex life and desires my LIFESTYLE. I joke that I have a SL instead of a LS ((sex life instead of a life style))
Anyway...
I wore my black evening gown I made for the 2002 NAAFA convention in Atlanta. It is a simple tank dress but it is made of black slinky with raised silver glitter patterns all over it. The only problem with the dress is it is like wearing sand paper under your arms. I didn't wear my contacts since my eyes were so sore but I did my make up and put lots of silver glitter on my face and chest.
Genesis had not brought his clothes over yet so I loaned him one of my black poet style shirts, of course it just hung off of him but looked kind of cool and fun. We picked up BrandyA and finally found parking about 4 blocks from the BALCONY where the party was being held. I hate to admit we blew cover by coming in early but this late in the month $5 is tight.
They had draped huge sheets of black plastic all over the huge windows on one side of the bar making it much darker in there then usual and had black balloons and decorations everywhere, it looked great and most of the regular Morgue crew showed up. I spent a good part of the night hanging out with this guy who lives a little over 100 miles away, we don't get to see him very much but he is a really nice guy. I love hugging tall men ((Who am I kidding I love hugging men)) and we spent some time outside on the freezing balcony talking so I could breath air that was less then 70% smoke and 20% perfume. He was a sweetie and let me cuddle up against him under his duster.
After the bar BrandyA, Gen and I went to Denny's with Lurch and Ryan. We did not leave there until about 6 am when I had Genesis show Lurch the way to my house and I took BrandyA and Ryan to their homes.
Lurch and I hung out while Genesis got on the computer. It was great cuddling with a friend and giving each other back rubs. Sometimes I think just being physically affectionate is better then sex... not always, but sometimes.
Of course with me my back is one of the most sensitive places on my body to be touched, I have been known to loose control just by having my back played with so laying with a friend talking and stroking each others backs was amazing. Personally I found it really lovely, no strings, no commitments and no expectations.
Not to mention I am a cuddle junky.


So Much Going on 11-25/26-04 Thanksgiving 

So much has been going on in my life and I have totally fallen down on keeping up with it all on here.
If I try to report all of it I will just get bogged down and never report new stuff so I will just give a quick review.

THURSDAY AND FRIDAY NOV 25 & 26th
You know there is a saying about never bragging about the good stuff in your life.
I have been telling people how we have not had a real blow up at a family gathering in years and how lucky we are. My mistake.
I stayed up til 8 am and then had to get up at 11am to get to my grandmas to make dinner. I was tired and wired on caffeine.
Everything was going well, dinner cooked up great and since I was planning to go to some friend's house for a late Thanksgiving dinner I decided to start eating at 2:45 even though my brother and his gf had not arrived yet. My grandpa and step dad all got plates and I was sitting in the front room when my brother came in.
My mom told Eric when he went to the kitchen I would be leaving soon to go visit my goth friends. My brother has gotten a bit odd lately, very brusque and abrasive, I think he believes it makes him seem more manly but in reality it makes him seem confrontational and offensive.
He later said that he MEANT to ask "Where does the term Goth come from."
What eh did was stand in the middle of the kitchen door all butch and rude and Demand to know "Why do these People you hang out with call themselves GOTHS." Now I can not be the only person who sees a big difference in those question.
I stood up and said "Why so confrontational Eric?" and he got all blustery and said "I am not being confrontational you are."
Before I could say anything else he had stormed out into the backyard and my mom was doing the annoying PLEASE Please don't just let it go thing that always makes me feel like I am this horrible person regardless of what someone else is doing.
I started to pack my stuff to leave but Courtney Eric's GF would not let me leave til we talked so I tried to be calm and Eric said he was asking where the term came from ((he still sees nothing confrontational about his first question)) I told him it comes from Gothic Lit and that where they got the name I dont know. Also that I am the happiest I have been in years with the friends I have and the way I live.
After more or less making up I headed over to Bella's house for thanksgiving even though it meant leaving early, not being able to find it at first and having to get directions meant I did not get there before everyone else. Bella has a nice place and a group of us helped her get dinner on the table ((I brought a big pasta salad and a huge container of yams.)) she cooked two turkeys and I made stuffing while Benhi made gravy.
Genesis and BrandyA both showed up as did a bunch of other people and we hung out and talked and ate and goofed off until about 9:30pm. I took BrandyA and Genesis to my house and Genesis went in my room and laid down and I joined him while BrandyA got on the computer. Nice thing about having a Gay Boy as a friend is you can cuddle and talk about men and not have to worry about anything.
Too bad he was so tired he was snoring so I made him go out and sleep in the front room....LOL. Genesis fell right asleep on the air matress I have done up as a harem couch in the front room and I slept about an hour or so and then BrandyA and I decided to go to Denny's to wait til 6 Am when Jo-Ann's Fabric opened up on Black friday. I tried to wake Gen up a few times but he just rolled over and snuffled at me so we let him sleep.
Ginger had to work dancing at Torch2 on Thanksgiving and we had told her we would try to get over there to visit since it was pretty dead for her. We didn't get out of my house til after 1am so we were only at the T2 for about 25 mins but even that was very hard on my lungs. Ginger said that since it was dead BrandyA and I could sit at the rail while she danced and she would give us the Treatment. Ginger is very pale and always wears black and sharpens her nails to a point. She was pulling my face next to hers and covering me with her long red hair and I had to laugh and tell her she was steaming up my glasses.
My back is so sensitive that having her scratch it was torture... having my back played with is a turn on but having a girl you just hang out with do it is not so it was a bit odd but fun.
We all went to Denny's ((big shock)) and hung out there with Ginger, J. Hatter, Mia and then Ryan called and said he would give me gas money to come get him.
We hung out in the back of the restaurant and drew, sewed and talked. Which is why we go to Denny's so much, the night crew does not mind if we spread out art stuff and just drink coffee.
Since I was Ryan and Brandy's ride they had to go shopping with me and I forgot that the craziest people are Quilters after a 3 hour sale. There were people standing in line before 6 am and when the doors opened they ran for it... it was pretty scary.
If I had pre chosen my material it would have been fine but no such luck and when I went to get the material I chose cut there was a line about 10 deep for each of the cutters and people had carts full as high as their heads with material I am sure they only planned to get less then a yard of. I told Brandy if she did not need material cut it was all good since the cashiers were not backed up but I was not standing in line to get material cut,
Both BrandyA and I bought embroidery floss and Ryan found the worlds ugliest Halloween candle for about a dollar so I got it for him and then drove BrandyA home and dropped Ryan off on the way to my house. Only problem is he grabbed the bag with Gen's mom's Tupperwear instead of his candle and I had to call him and tell him we need it back cause Gen's mom is crazy about her Tupperwear.
I finally got some sleep around 11 am and Gen slept til 4Pm when I woke up... poor Boy was totally wasted.
I decided to let gen stay here for the month til he gets back on his feet. He is cleaning up and helping me get my house organized by the end of the year as my birthday and Christmas gift.
I finally dragged gen over to the Jo-Anns near my house to get my material and we stopped by Albertson's where I used the last bit I had on my ATM card to buy honey ham and bread and potato chips. We stayed home and watched Tv, munched and did e-mail.

Listening to: Bauhaus "Party of the first part"

Monday, November 29, 2004

So Much Going on 11-24-04 

So much has been going on in my life and I have totally fallen down on keeping up with it all on here.
If I try to report all of it I will just get bogged down and never report new stuff so I will just give a quick review.

WEDNESDAY NOV 24
The reporter from the Boise Weekly wanted to meet with a bunch of us from the Idaho Goth group to do a story on us. On Wednesdays we usually meet at a bar here in town called Neurolux, in the summer and fall it was great cause we could sit outside and visit and do stitch and bitch. The problem now is the inside of the place is soooooo dark and gloomy and very loud and they hit us up for cover starting at 8pm for bands that dont come on til 9 which is when we usually leave the place.
We talked about it and decided to all get together at JAVA on the corner of 6th and Idaho. It is a nice place but very yuppie. Now personally I LOVE showing up in places that don't expect to see a huge group of goths and just having fun. We ended up with 4 tables and a ton of chairs and all took turns sitting with Erin the reporter. We had a wonderful time and I got so hyped on caffeine from a Bowl of Soul ((3 shots of espresso, coffee and Mexican hot chocolate)) that it is a miracle I got any sleep at all.
After the gathering at the coffee shop a group of us went to Mulligan's and hung out where I had a pop, more caffeine. I am not crazy about Mulligan's it is loud, crowded and full of butt rocker boys who think a ski cap is a fashion statement year round.
Raziel and Loki decided to go over to the strip club so that left me there with BrandyA, James, J. and Debbie most of who went home early so brandy and I took Genesis up to Denny's with us.
We took some great photos outside of Java but the writer wants to have their photographer take pics this wednesday which means a lot of the people in the group pic may not make it.


Listening to : Bauhaus : Boys

So Much going on 11-21-04 

So much has been going on in my life and I have totally fallen down on keeping up with it all on here.
If I try to report all of it I will just get bogged down and never report new stuff so I will just give a quick review.

SUNDAY NOV 21st
As always sunday is Industria at the Balcony but this time we had a reporter from the local free press join us. We all met at Analisa's wonderful house near downtown and drank wine and visited before going to the club and met the reporter Erin so she could get dressed up to go with us.
I was having a great time but got a bit down when the guy I had flirted with so hardcore the week before did not seem as interested in me this time. I know wine makes me whine, so I hope that is why I was so down when we all went to Denny's as a huge group and *t* chose not to go with us. I try hard not to care about stuff like that but I am human and I also should not drink wine, it makes me mopey. Who knows someday I may be just as cold blooded as I joke about being, at least then I would not let my feelings screw me over. Anyway I am working on it.
It did not help that Zoomie boy was there... I don't know if I mentioned him but months ago when I first started going to Industria I met this guy in the AF who hit on me hardcore and like a twit I believed him when he said he would never blow me off or act like he did not know me if we fooled around... and of course the next week he did just that... it did not help this all happened at the same time I had my car stolen.
There is a very very good reason I do not screw guys I play around with... somehow it just messes with my head more if they turn into jerks or are not interested in getting with me more then once. If all they are looking for is to rack up a number then they are out of luck. If I like a guy alot I will play around, fool around, heavy petting (yes it is a pun) what have you but I will not go all the way unless I have been with him a while, more then a few times and if I have serious feelings for him. To many times I have felt let down afterwards and I don't find that happens as much if we just fooled around.
Anyway.
Zoomie boy was there and to be honest in all this time this is the first time he made any effort to actually talk to me and since I was tired, whiney (winey) and feeling let down that the guy I had flirted with and kissed so nicely the weekend before was acting like he was not interested in a repeat I was very much not in the mood to sit across from Zoomie.
About 10 of us went to Denny's after Industria and we ended up doing MAD LIBS most of the night... they got pretty wild. I finally dragged Brandy home around 5 am.



Friday, November 19, 2004

I am on playing cards 

Bountiful Productions who handle my Video, DVDs and CDs as well as sales of my Prints has used two of my pictures that only they have in a deck of playing cards.
Incase you are wondering I am the 9 and the Jack ((my friends probably think I I should be the Joker))



Tuesday, November 16, 2004

A Pic from Sunday Night 

I was at Industria again on Sunday night and got a pic of me holding a carved sculptured knife.



Monday, November 15, 2004

Geeks 

It has been mentioned before I have a thing for geeky guys. Art geeks, Sc-fi geeks, gothy geeks, music geeks, comouter geeks. Smart funny somewhat silly men turn me on...LOL

I guess it is cause I am a geek also


http://www.annoyyourfriends.com/geek


Friends 

Sigh
My friend *N* and I have decided to do the just be good friends things. I am still very attracted to him and all and he says it is mutual but he is possibly the busiest person I know and I simply don't like being so far down the list on the things to do list.
I don't do good in relationships, maybe someday I will but for now I am enjoying flirting and playing with my friends.



Friday, November 12, 2004

Turning a negative into a positive 

I bought these plain unfinished wooden boxes that have little brass latches on them to do one of my holiday crafts with. Before I bought them I checked to see if all of them latched and they did, but after I painted them I realized that even before I put the coat of Mod-Podge gloss on them they would no longer latch since just a few layers of paint made them thicker.
Well I had already painted the boxes, bought an Edward Gorey Desk calendar and taken it apart to get images to decopage onto the boxes and then put designs around the outside edges, I was not going to give up on the project.
Click for larger view
Only problem was it looked stupid to have latches you could not close.
I was able to unscrew the latches but this left me with four holes and an unpainted place on the boxes. I cut a strip out of the thick cardboard from the back of a sketch book and cut little circles out of it and painted them to match the color of the designs. I then cut them in half and glued them over the holes from the latches.
The thing is the boxes no longer close, they sit with about a cm. of space.
What to do?
Simple I will buy a package of pretty mesh gift bags, the type they use for weddings, and buy bulk lavender from the local CO-OP and a small bottle of lavender extract and make a couple small lavender sachets for each box and a note saying that the box is meant to be open so the smell can get out.

I was raised with a couple of different mottos in life
Grandma taught me to "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without"
Like my dad says "If you can't dazzle them with your brilliance baffle them with your bullshit."
Seems like they both come in handy with this project.


Monday, November 08, 2004

Cough, cough....  

Yep I got sick.
I have had chronic bronchitis since I was a little kid and never has a year gone by that I did not get serious lung congestion and infection and of course this year is no exception.
I was really bummed this weekend because it laid me out so bad I just slept and slept. I wanted to go to Industria ((our local Goth club)) this Sunday and didn't dare because of the smoke and the fact that the entire town is socked in with a heavy fog. I go every week and this is the first time I have missed out for a long while.
*N* called and told me he wished I was better, with his schedule of school and work and taking care of his house I won't get to see him much now that his vacation is over.

It doesn't help that I am scary assed broke, I spent way too much celebrating Halloween weekend and then buying up bags full of Halloween stuff for gifts for my friends and to use in the house. I am proud of myself I only bought one little bag of mini chocolate bites ((and about $40 worth of decorations, glasses, purple lights and candles)) I am trying to come up with some cool gift ideas I can make with some of this stuff.
I should be fine to go to the stitch and bitch on Wednesday with the group from the county morgue, only problem is most of the crafts I have to do there are stuff I am making for my friends. I will have to figure out the stuff I need to make for mom, grandma and my stepmom and work on it.

In my nice little tag box on the side there is a oh so sweet comment about how I am not Goth, you know the one thing I love about the group of people I hang out with is I get to escape the G-T-T ((gother then thou)) shit. I do not feel the need to defend myself with just how "gothic" I am, I know what I am and I am happy with that. I am also so much more then just a stereotypical Goth and I am so happy to belong to a group of friends who accept and honor that in me and in themselves. I love the diversity I find in my friends and thankfully they respect it in me.
The day I can be defined by one word has yet to happen and I don't see it coming anytime soon.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Halloween pics 

I have just not been in the mood to do serious photos lately for my site but I have had some taken when out and about with my friends
I am part of a Boise Goth group called The County Morgue and I have posted a bunch of our pics from the last month on my site


Thursday, November 04, 2004

Trying not to get sick 

Winter is not always the best season for me since I have chronic bronchitis and will sometimes get sick for weeks on end. I have a habit of putting off going to the Dr but this year if I find myself getting lung congestion I will go early since I can not afford another 2 months in bed and house like I had a few years ago.
I need to get a Humidifier, Walgreens has a small personal one that goes for about 4 1/2 hours that would be perfect but it is $20 and after spending $60 on Halloween weekend to go out and quite a bit on after Halloween sales I am a bit tight money wise this month. Thankfully last month when I wasn't sure if I was going to get the car back I stocked up on groceries so all I had to buy this month was some meat, small steaks and some really good grillmaster franks.
I am going to have to be careful with money this month and stash some for gas. I am determined to only take $5 out with me when I go out and not bring the ATM card.
I wanted to go out tonight, we were thinking of going to the Torch a strip bar here in town to see some of the people we know who dance but I simply could not handle the smoke and I have a bit of a sore throat.
Boise has a law about smoking, no smoking in restaurants or any location that allows people under 21. Which is great for me in some ways since I spend a lot of time drawing or reading at Denny's but by the same token I also spend a lot of time in bars with my friends. After a few wild party weeks I am determined to not drink booze in Nov and wait till my birthday to drink again. I have no problem hanging out with friends and not drinking, in fact one of the bars we go to most Mulligans will give me free soda if I am the Desinated Driver, and hot cocoa at Dennys comes with refills for $1.69. I just have to be sure to eat before I leave the house.
I am thinking of going over to BrandyAngela's house tonight but I am not sure if I am motivated or feeling up to it. Maybe I just need some down time.

NOTE:
Went to BradyAngela's house, bad bad bad idea.
I got there and already had a headache and it was fine cause J and Elliot where there and drinking with BrandyAngela and we just sat and talked. It would have been OK but her fuckhead neighbors came over screaming drunk and proceeded to be a bunch of total asses.
The three of up left when they were being so loud and rude we found ourselves wanting to do violence to them. My headache turned into a migrain and I had to have Elliot drive me to Denny's since I could not drive from the shaking.

After a couple cups of hot cocoa and a bit of apple crisp my migrain went down to a mild roar and we went back to get my car and check on BrandyAngela whose neighbors had thankfully left.

I really need to learn to go with my first instincts on these things.

A letter that was suppose to be a comment here 

(((thought I would post it for him)))


Hi T'rina

I tried to post this in the comments section in response to your blog of October 25th but it said that I was only allowed 1000 characters.. so instead of trying to pair it down, I decided to e-mail it to you ..

I read your latest post about being a flirt.. I liked it. It's honest and candid, and at the same time, if I was in a bar or at a social function and you were flirting with me, I would be beside myself. Firstly because I find you very attractive, (tattoos and all) and secondly because, I am one of those people that gets nervous around those I am attracted to. If I wasn't attracted to you and you flirted with me I would be able to carry on like a champ.. but since I am attracted to you, if I was in your presence, I would be nervous and might come across as not being interested even though I was. Strange how it is.. Considering I am a pretty confident guy.. Mean and intimidating looking Tattooed and muscular, but around an attractive women I get sort of tongue tied. You also mentioned that some people you meet are flirts online and not in real life.. I can say for myself, I am a bit more open and likely to flirt online than in person with someone that I don't know well and like the look of. Most likely why I like to break the ice online and then move on from there. Once the ice is broken though. look out. cause then I am pretty open about my feelings and my urges ;) Anyway, thought I would throw out my .02 on the subject. Social behavior, such a strange and unpredictable thing. Years of psychoanalysis wouldn't be able to sort it all out lol.

Cheers Beautiful! And thanks for sharing!
Ron
Toronto, Canada


MY RESPONSE I hope you don't mind I posted your comments to my blog.
I agree that flirting is not always easy for me it is more of an instinct but at the same time it is a bit of a double edged sword.
People get use to me flirting with them and so they don't take me too seriously but other's take it all the wrong way. I am lucky that the guy I am involved with is cool about it and trusts me when I flirt with other guys.
But at the same time it can make getting involved with someone difficult since they don't realize I am seriously interested in them.
Then of course there are the times where I am a bit down, not always mentally but just not perky persay, it happens a lot in the winter as I start to suffer from S.A.D. and get a bit more quite. I get people who think I am mad at them because I am not flirting as much as usual. It can be hard to explain to them that my moods can change so much and yet I am still the same person.



Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Great Day 

I had a really good day today.
Because of some stuff that happened last night I thought things might be weird between my friend and I, and I ended up not sleeping so well (OK so maybe the fact I was sick to my stomach from drinking a bit too much had a little to do with it)
I was thinking I was going to have to wait till late in the afternoon to talk to him about it when I get a call at about 11 am and find out that everything is alright and there is no problem.
considering it is the first of Nov it was a pretty nice day, not too cold but a bit nippy. I went to the bank and paid back a few people I had borrowed money from for Halloween stuff then had lunch at a Chinese place and talked with the waiter. I am always surprised the things strangers will say to me, I guess I just bring it out in them, we ended up talking about the gay bars in town and how hard it is to be involved with a guy and take your time and not jump in with both feet. I also learned that my waiter was "really well hung and uncut" and that he worried that was the only reason this guy was interested in him. By the way I only heard it did not see it.
I did a little bit of shopping and dropped money off for BrandyA and then headed home and called *N* who told me he would over in an hour or so. I told him I need to nap and I would leave the door unlocked ((I usually lock it when I come in)) and for him to come wake me up.
Even knowing he would be waking me up I still squeaked when he tapped me.
We had a great afternoon and evening together, we went and rented DAWN OF THE DEAD and SWEET HOME ALABAMA, you got to like a guy who can watch a zombie movie followed by a romantic comedy. We stopped by the store toe get some apple cider for my tummy ((the unfiltered stuff full if pectin)) and then went back to my place to watch the movies.
A couple of months a go my grandmothers cousin gave me his TV when he bought a new one even though this is a large very new TV so I now have it set in the front room. I have the DVD and Video players on it and since I only watch movies out there I don't have an antenna on it. I have the futon set up across from it and we were on that.
*N* sat on it while I laid down with my head on his chest and snuggled. It was sweet and a fun way to watch a creepy movie. We watched movies, snuggled and talked till 1 AM. when he had to go home to review for a test tomorrow.
I should have gone to sleep but when Brandy had called me earlier she had seemed depressed and I so I called her and asked if she wanted to go to Denny's. On the way to her place I dropped the DVDs off at Hastings and went by the Walgreens near here and bought discounted Halloween stuff.
After getting Brandy we went by Rite-Aid who were pretty much sold out of Halloween stuff but I did get some cool candles that look like they are in glasses that match the funky skull glasses I had bought for $.50 each. When we got to Denny's we ordered dinner and got out all my new stuff and sorted through it.
I lit one of the candles for our table and we talked about dealing with feelings and illness while I played with the little skeleton I bought and we ate. After leaving there we went to Wal-Mart to check their Halloween clearance and stopped at another walgreen's so I could trade in a bone pen that did not work. At Wally's I got a bunch of Gothtini glasses I am thinking of giving for silly Yule gifts.
Finally around 5:30 I took Brandy home and headed back h Check Spellingere.
Just a basic good day ((and night))

Monday, November 01, 2004

Halloween 

I had a wonderful time ((barring some personal crap that had nothing to do with me))
In fact I can honestly say this was the best Halloween I have had since before I was 21 ((yes THAT long ago ... I do vaguely remember that far back...LOL))
Raines party was great, she has a great home and her and Bruce are so nice to let us visit ((Raine is getting a big stack of plastic cups for Yule so she wont have to stay in the kitchen and wash cups next time))
Everyone looked amazing, I was glad to see so many people in costume.
I got tons of Photos and plan to have them up soon, already editing them.
the meeting at cafe ole was nice ((free food... Oh yeah and there is a fork and bottle of hot sauce in my purse that could only have come from there))
I drank too much ((who ever said the blueberries did not soak up the booze was WRONG)) and I am swearing off booze for a few weeks so help me Shecky.
Found out after I got there my costume was WAY more sheer then I thought, thankfully I was wearing leggings and not nylons (just wish they had been full length... LOL) I really need to get my full length mirror mounted.
Brandy and I were accosted as Freaks at Denny by a drunk Mexican guy who asked to buy drugs, asked Ryan if he was a girl or a guy and if he was Marilyn Manson and then made comments about my chest and then tried to physically drag his friend over to look at me...I had to threaten to call 911 to keep him from kicking Ryan's ass, and maybe mine. ((the quintessential Denny's Experience))
I got about 95% of the markers off of me... Don't know if I will ever get the red out of my bathtub but oh well.

All together a really kick ass night.