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Saturday, February 28, 2004

time to make a chage 

I am sick of being sick.
The meds I take for the stomach problems put me out so bad I slept for about 14 hours yesterday and have to get packed but I hurt so bad it is just too much work right now. I KNOW that a huge part of the problem is stress, I am having to get packed, get this place cleaned, get the other placed approved (they do low cost housing and they are running my credit and income statements and since I don't work regular hours and I do contract work for different companies it is not so easy so I will not be sure what my rent is til the 2nd) I am also stressed about the guys I am letting stay here, they don't seem to be doing very good at finding work and I have no idea how they will find a place to stay but I do know they can not stay with me at the new place but I still hate the idea of them out on the street.
I have teenage girls calling my house all the time looking for them, they are on my computer looking at porn all the time and to be honest they are eating me out of house and home. They have been pretty cool about hauling stuff around for me but it is not so easy to clean around them and their stuff and they tend to distract me since I often want to pack at 3am when they are asleep.

I know I need to completely change my diet, I can not handle this kind of pain any more and it just makes me even more depressed.
I am going to try for one month to not eat any red meat or fried foods, no coffee (SOB) or any dessert foods.
I need to increase the amount of whole wheat bread, oatmeal, apricots, peaches, fruit, flaxseed (sprinkled on oatmeal) veggies, brown rice (cooked with apple juice it is great for breakfast) sweet potatoes, tuna (I have a problem with potassium)
I also need to totally cut back on the amount of processed foods I eat, I know this will be a ton easier when I live in a place that has a kitchen that is both warm and decent to work in with actual cupboard space.
Maybe my size alone will not make me take care of myself but laying in bed in tears of pain had better

Thursday, February 26, 2004

talking about cramps 

Damn it I was doing so well after being sick at the first of the year I had not had any really serious pain in my stomach, the kind that doubles me up and makes me want to cry and now all of a sudden I am.
I am worried it is my meds.
I am trying to go back on them and I started them on Sunday, the smallest doses I can take and damned it on Monday I did not start to feel tummy pain, by Wednesday it was a serious gut burner and today I was nearly in tears.
I am going to see my meads tech on Monday and ask her about it, until then I am not going to take any and I might try just taking the welbutron and see how it does, I know I need the medicine but I simply can not be in this kind of pain all the time.
I also scheduled an appointment with my regular Dr to see about maybe having an actual look inside me and tests to see if something is seriously wrong but I can not even get in to her until march 25th or so.
I want to get my life together but hurting so bad I can not work and taking anti nausea meads that put me to sleep does not help.

took this test 

High points means you are good at it and low points means you need to work on it

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results
Sociability ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Gregariousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Assertiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Activity Level |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Excitement-Seeking ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Enthusiasm |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Extroversion ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Trust |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Morality ||||||||||||||| 46%
Altruism ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Cooperation |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Modesty |||||||||||| 34%
Sympathy ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Friendliness |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Confidence ||||||||||||||| 50%
Neatness ||||||||||||||| 42%
Dutifulness |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Achievement |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Self-Discipline |||||||||||| 34%
Cautiousness ||||||||||||||| 46%
Orderliness ||||||||||||||| 46%
Anxiety ||||||||||||||| 46%
Volatility ||||||||||||||| 42%
Depression ||||||||||||||| 50%
Self-Consciousness ||||||||| 26%
Impulsiveness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Vulnerability ||||||||||||||| 50%
Emotional Stability |||||||||||||||||| 52%
Imagination |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Artistic Interests |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Emotionality |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Intellect |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Liberalism ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test


Thankfully I was not apllying for a job...LOL

Cramps 

It is sunny for once today so we took a load of my packed stuffed over to grandmas to get it out of my way to give me room to pack more.
it is actually about 49* out but very windy but I decided to open the door with the screen and open some windows and air out the house, after a long winter and having two cats and a couple of young guys staying here it gets a bit stuffy here... I am bundled up in my sweater but it is worth it.




I am listening to THE CRAMPS it is funny a few days ago I was playing them for the guys and i said this is a punk group I use to listen to when I was 20 and they just could not stand them, I put on My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult and same thing....Sigh these kids are wimps.

I want to get the lyrics for Sheena's in a goth gang for my next goth set of pics...LOL


Mardi Gras 

Tuesday night was Mardi Gras!!
Of course Fat Tuesday in Boise is nothing compared to Down South but still it was a blast, the police handled it really well, instead of trying to stop it they simply closed down a few block area to traffic downtown and had like 40 cops out but were simply ignoring women flashing and only had to deal with a handful of fights the entire night even though there were a few thousand people on a one block stretch many of them out on the street. They even set up a outpost to give out Breathalyzer tests and believe it or not that was busy all night.
I was walking with some friends showing off tons of cleavage and had tons of guys asking me to show my tits, my answer to them was "You have no idea how hard it is to get these babies in and out of this bra" ... On the other hand I did go around with my friends and help them flash, telling the guys "my friends here needs beads how many beads will you give this lovely young lady for a flash of her tits?"
It was cold as hell since we had had a nasty storm come through at about 5pm that evening but everyone was in a great mood but I feel sorry for the girls who thought they were begin all smart and sexy and who wore just little halter tops and minis then stood in line for 2 hours in below freezing temps.
Sexy is one thing but freezing is another.
I think I am going to make a bead curtain out of my mardi gras beads and maybe next year I will plan ahead and make a costume, maybe something like purple silk sewn onto a purple bra...LOL

A little somethin somethin 

You know one of the fastest ways to make something happen is to do or say the opposite of that thing.

Valentines day I gave away almost all of my condoms because I was both bored and because while I had necked and fooled around a bit I had not had full out sex in about 7 months.
I joked that night with my friends that I would no sooner give them all away then I would find myself needing them again so I would just have to keep one.
I also have been making jokes a lot about liking younger guys and how I always seem to end up with them being the only ones who hit on me.
Well about a week ago I ran into someone I use to know and had always flirted with, a really hot trainer who is only a year or two younger then me and we goofed around and damned if one thing did not lead to another and there went my last condom.
Well Tuesday night was Mardi Gras and my friends and I were hanging around downtown and goofing off and by about 1am I was so cold I was like an ice cycle and that was when I ran in to K. an ex bf of mine who I have known for at least 10 years now.... Trust me we were both shocked to realize it was so long. He was flirting with me and telling me how much he missed fooling around with me and we were laughing and I guess the mood of the night took me over cause I asked him if he wanted to go home with me for a bit and warm me up.
We went to my house and started to cuddle and that was when he realized I was one big soft fat ice cycle I pointed out to him that I wanted him to warm me up and he said he thought I meant figuratively and I cuddled closer and said "No I mean physically"
We played around for a while and in a way I am glad I did not have a condom around since it kept me from going any farther then some serious heavy petting and playing around, gong all the way with K. again would be a blast but not if he or I were not able to spend the entire night and as it was I had to go back downtown and pick someone up and give them a ride somewhere.
Even just playing around with someone who truly adores every inch of your body is better then the best fucking in the whole world, I am tired of guys hit on me, who flirt with me, who even take me out and when I finally let them touch me are only interested in my tits and nothing else, who are not interested in the rest of my body or in laughing and having fun as we play. Trust me it has gotten to the point where I can now tell these guys very quickly and they never get close.
The funny thing of course if K. is now 43 and just as sexy as ever but I remember when I was 24 or so and met him and I thought that 33 was SOOOOO old....LOL now I and 35 and I got miffed cause my twit of a 20 year old friend told me that the chick he was looking at on line was too old to be sexy (she was 30...SIGH)
So that is what I get for spouting off about young guys and not having sex.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

young men 

As i said I am letting a couple of young guys I know stay for a few weeks while they look for a place and jobs and as I watch them I think hell I DATE guys only a few years older then these guys (they are both 20, admittedly VERY YOUNG 20s, and I occasionally date guys who are like 22) and it reminds me of the Spin City I saw tonight.
Charlie Sheen is going out with a 23 year old girl and she is wearing him out partying all night and he says to Heather Locklear... "in my 25 years of dating 23 year olds I have never felt this old."
Actually I usually wear young guys out, I can stay up longer and well lets just say I have a lot of drive which is one of the reasons I like younger men and I hate to admit the other reasons I like them since it makes me sound like an nasty old letch and a horrible person and maybe it is the fact I am only now getting back on my meds and all but I guess I am not the nicest person where relationships are concerned.
First off I am quite simply not likely to get emotionally involved with a younger man and if I start to find my self falling for one I just take a good look and realize how little we have in common and I snap out of it and get right to a nice friendly physical relationship. At the point I am in my life right now what I need is a really really good friendship with benefits. I don't just want a one night stand, I honestly want a friend I can do stuff with other then sex, I just don't want the complications of being in love right now.
Second of all young guys do not have as much emotional baggage, don't get me wrong I have yet to meet anyone who does not have some but they are not as likely to have an ex wife, kids and all that and awful as it is to admit as good as I am at mothering my friends I am lousy with kids. My friends call me Fairy Goth Mother.
Ok lets get to the heart of it... I like their bodies.... guys my age (35) and under tend to turn me on the most. Maybe it is a shallow period I am going through in my life but I am also going through a period where I am brutally honest about these things.

Of course as I said my friends are very young and there is no way in hell I could EVER get serious about either of them, I feel more like an aunt to them and I laugh at them a lot when they get on my computer in their never ending quest for pictures of naked women and webcams. I got sick of them going through ever damn lesbian profile on yahoo so I showed them how to find adult yahoo groups.....BIG MISTAKE ....LOL
Like I said a VERY YOUNG 20.

Monday, February 23, 2004

Packing, Packing, cleaning, cleaning, so much to do 

I am a pack rat, I am a do dad and and nic-nak person, it is a fact. I have been packing stuff for hours, three big 72 quart bins plus and it is all just THINGS.
I have tons of decorative stuff, wooden boxes, bottles, gods and goddess'. Small collectibles. I am trying to be careful and wrap them well but also I am getting rid of anything I really don't like that much. I now have a huge cardboard box of donation/yardsale stuff.
The big problem I now face is that I will not be able to put up shelves in the new place ((as it is I will be leaving a big set of shelves here and hoping that since the place they are in is absolutely useless space that my land lady will not throw a fit and that I can repair the holes from the other sets of shelves before I leave.))
I will have to start buying inexpensive bookcases for my stuff which kind of sucks cause I have all these great decorative shelves I have been collecting.
I also already have a huge bag of clothes packed and a big plastic bin of fancy clothes ready to go as well, I have been loading everything into the van as much as possible and just locking it up.
I figure I will be mostly packed excepted for the bare minimum by the first and I will be able to get most of it in the new place in the first day or so and then spend the rest of the time getting this place cleaned up and ready for a move out inspection. It will also give me time to move stuff into the right places instead of just piling stuff up in the new place.
After living here nearly 5 years it is going to be a bitch to get it all cleaned up the way they want, my lease says I have to wash the walls and steam clean the carpets, I don't smoke but this place gets dusty as hell and I don't think the walls were well washed before I moved in in the first place.
Last night as I lay in bed freezing my ass off and listening to the street cleaner at the grocery store across the street and hearing people bottom their cars out coming out of the parking lot I thought OH man I can not wait to live in a place that is actually insulated and not right behind a store. In fact it will probably be better for my health not to have a grocery store and a dozen fast food places within half a mile.

Sunday, February 22, 2004

guests 

I think I have gotten the apartment I want.
Now I HAVE to get this house packed and moved over to the new place as soon possible so I can get this place scrubbed and clean.
I am letting a couple of friends stay and they are suppose to be helping me pack and clean, I say suppose cause it is like being a mom trying to get teenage kids to do their chores, I just don't feel like I should have work this hard to get help from people I am helping. I now remember why I never let people stay here.
By the way 3 people can not sleep comfortably on a queen size bed, at least not when one of them is me and one is a big guy.
I also feel bad cause my friends who just came back to town are looking for work and a place to move into and I know how hard it is to find a place and a job when you are young and have no credit rating or any real skills. I am not letting them stay at my new place and once I move there even though I have this place till the 31st of March I can not let them stay here if I am not here. I feel bad cause I want to help them but with the SAD and general depression I am dealing with it is hard to have them around all the time but I also don't want to put them out in the cold.
How is it that having people staying in your house who you are not involved with can actually make you feel more lonely?
I have GOT to get back on my meds and get my life in order.

I wanna be alone 

I am letting some friends stay in my little bitty apartment for a little while as they look for a new apartment, they are nice enough and all but damn I forgot how much I like my privacy, how much I like to sleep when I want to sleep and not worry about what someone else thinks.
I enjoy them to a certain extent but it is will be a long damn time before I let anyone else stay more then a day or so.
I think I have the apartment I want and even though it will be a 2 bedroom I have no intention of setting up another bed in there.
I admit it I am something of a hermit these days.

boobs 

I have started chattng in yahoo chat again, the local idaho room and now I realize why I stopped chatting there for nearly 6 months.
I will put my cam on and sit there wearing a tank top or a t-shirt and get many viewers and messages even though it is not a BBW room, flattering right?
Well for every guy who treats me like a human being there are 10 whose only real comments to me is "SHOW YUR TITS"
After a while I am surprised when a guy actually starts talking to me like a person and not so surprised when after a while that guy who is telling me how much he respects me makes some comment about my tits and asks me to flash him. It has gotten to the point that it almost makes me sick to my stomach. At least the guys who start right off are honest, a lot of times the other guys will spend quite a while telling me all kinds of nice things then as soon as they realize I will either not flash them or worse hook up with them for a one nighter right then and there they simply stop talking to me or worse get hateful.
here is microscopic sampleling of a couple of days chat, I am not including the dozens that just consist of "Show me your tits" and me saying no and them not saying anything else.
Yes I have altered their names


ahme$$$$ha (1:40:46 AM): oowwoo ur honey tits
ahme$$$$ha (1:41:10 AM): dear ur honey tits will be crazy me
ahme$$$$ha (1:41:56 AM): can u show me
ahme$$$$ha (1:41:59 AM): plz
ahme$$$$ha (1:43:49 AM): hallo
ahme$$$$ha (1:43:53 AM): r u there?
ahme$$$$ha (1:44:00 AM): do u wanna chat
ahme$$$$ha (1:44:11 AM): plz show me ur tits
boise_bbw 1:44:15 AM): getting slammed with messages(
ahme$$$$ha (1:44:17 AM): plz ur tits
ahme$$$$ha (1:44:47 AM): tits nipple tits nipple tits nipple tits nipple tits nipple tits nipple tits nipple tits nipple tits nipple tits nipple tits nipple tits nipple tits ((there is actually a lot more of that but I cut it))
ahme$$$$ha (1:47:00 AM): may i add u?
ahme$$$$ha(1:47:08 AM): plz
boise_bbw (1:49:42 AM): NO
((tries 6 times to make me add him))
((put on ignore))



ah%%%harbasie (1:32:32 AM): i hope see ur pussy
boise_bbw (1:32:50 AM): well let me get my friend to go get my cat
ah%%%harbasie (1:33:48 AM): wat?
ah%%%harbasie(1:34:28 AM): plz can u take off ur clothes
ah%%%harbasie (1:34:59 AM): coz u have good body
ah%%%harbasie (1:35:24 AM): so i wanna see ur pussy
boise_bbw (1:35:47 AM): no
ah%%%harbasie (1:36:00 AM): why my sweet?
boise_bbw (1:36:23 AM): I said NO
ah%%%harbasie (1:36:23 AM): u fear me
boise_bbw (1:36:35 AM): LOL no not even close I just dont like you
ah%%%harbasie (1:37:09 AM): i have stronger dick
ah%%%harbasie (1:38:38 AM): talk me
ah%%%harbasie (1:44:56 AM): i wanna see ur ass
boise_bbw (1:45:37 AM): you are enough of an ass for both of us
ah%%%harbasie (1:45:51 AM): wat?
ah%%%harbasie (1:46:32 AM): i wanna see ur pussy can plz
((put on ignore))


a&&&at26 (7:19:11 PM): take off your top
boise_bbw (7:19:56 PM): no
a&&&at26 (7:20:11 PM): what does it take to see them tits?
boise_bbw(7:24:01 PM): I dontknow ever thought of trying to get to know me?
a&&&at26 (7:24:21 PM): yes
a&&&at26 (7:24:28 PM): but u dont flash on cam so why try


ar%%%_%2003 (3:21:22 AM): asl
boise_bbw (3:21:53 AM): Hi
ar%%%_%2003 (3:21:59 AM): asl
ar%%%_%2003 (3:22:38 AM): how ru
ar%%%_%2003 (3:23:01 AM): show ur boobs
ar%%%_%2003 (3:23:22 AM): show me ur boobs
boise_bbw (3:23:24 AM): NO



ba(*&_m25 (3:32:42 PM): do u like srx?
ba(*&_m25 (3:32:42 PM): sex?
ba(*&_m25 (3:32:45 PM): WHY
ba(*&_m25 (3:32:50 PM): do u like sex?
ba(*&_m25 (3:33:20 PM): can i see ur <>
ba(*&_m25 (3:34:08 PM): helo
ba(*&_m25 (3:35:56 PM): wow
ba(*&_m25 (3:36:32 PM): do u like sex/>
ba(*&_m25 (3:36:37 PM):
ba(*&_m25 (3:38:58 PM): do u like sex?
ba(*&_m25 (3:39:55 PM): plz show mee u r sexy forms
boise_bbw (3:40:18 PM): LEAVE ME ALONE
ba(*&_m25 (3:42:36 PM): u?
ba(*&_m25 (3:42:37 PM): no
((put on ignore))


bbl%$#rts (12:51:14 PM): you are hot saw your vid
boise_bbw (12:51:05 PM): cool
boise_bbw (12:51:08 PM): thank you
bbl%$#rts (12:51:14 PM): your welfcome
bbl%$#rts (12:53:58 PM): you need to do an x rated flick
bbl%$#rts (12:56:08 PM): dont act all shy you want me to cum to boise and fuck you lining out
boise_bbw 12:57:50 PM): I do?(
bbl%$#rts (12:57:55 PM): yes you do
boise_bbw(12:58:06 PM): hum damned if I knew that
bbl%$#rts (12:58:21 PM): well i do
boise_bbw(12:58:35 PM): oh well
boise_bbw (12:58:48 PM): I am still not showing you
bbl%$#rts (12:59:11 PM): lol.....who cares
bbl%$#rts (1:00:30 PM): you will be dead in two years anyway
((put on ignore))




blac)*^%008 (1:58:15 PM): show me your tits plzz
boise_bbw (1:58:20 PM): no
blac)*^%008 (1:58:23 PM): show tits
boise_bbw (1:58:34 PM): bye
blac)*^%008 (1:58:49 PM): wanna see my cam
blac)*^%008 (1:59:09 PM): vuew it
blac)*^%008 (1:59:12 PM): view it!


c$#@%eepy (2:12:01 AM): show your tits
boise_bbw (2:12:30 AM): no
c$#@%eepy (2:12:34 AM): ok
c$#@%eepy (2:12:38 AM): why not
boise_bbw (2:12:43 AM): I said so
c$#@%eepy (2:12:56 AM): ok fuck your self than

Friday, February 20, 2004

after spending the night with someone you should not wake up much lonelier then you were before you met them...right?

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

steel heart 

SteelWings
You have wings of STEEL. No one's really
sure why, but at this point in your life you've
shut off emotion to the point of extreme
apathy. You are cold and indifferent much of
the time...or perhaps you're just a good
pretender. Next to impossible to get close to,
even those who do never see the real you. It's
entirely possible that YOU don't even know the
real you. You have a certain fascination or
attraction to destruction on a massive scale -
disasters, perhaps even death or the concept of
the Apocalypse. Because you hold so much
inside, one day you're simply going to snap.
Then the mask will fall away, and your true
wings will be revealed. Until then you will
deal with whatever comes your way in icy bitter
silence and acceptance. On the positive side,
you are fearless and immeasurably strong - not
much can crack through your defenses. You
intrigue people, who can't help but wonder why
you're the way you are. A loner and one who
spends much of their time brooding and
contemplating life and death - you are a time
bomb waiting to explode and create some
destruction of your own.


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

telling too much 

I don't know why I feel like I should post this here since it is kind of hard for me to really let people know how I feel about a lot of stuff, I am very good at only opening certain doors so that people think I let them know everything about me while not showing other parts of me.
And so even though this is a public weblog it is also a place I work through my feelings and sometimes just expressing my thoughts helps to free myself of them. so here goes.

I was right by the way. I am better off without sex and intimacy in my life.
I have let a friend who is waiting for his apart to become available stay with me for a week or so and even though he is NOT an FA we ended up fooling around, not fucking but serious play. Sexually it was fine I enjoyed it and all and it was nice being physical with someone again but then after the second time he has started putting out serious keep off signs.
He is a flirt and likes to jump on me when I am on the computer and pretend to "hump" me, and he grabs my tits even though he knows how sensitive they are, but when I touch him in an intimate way he puts up all these barriers in his behavior and I end up feeling like a letch. I admit I am a sensual person, I love to stroke other people as if they were cats, touching backs and shoulders, as well as tummies and so it is sort of second instinct when I have been intimate with someone to touch them.
I wonder to some extent if he is not uncomfortable because he got off rubbing up against my tummy, it really seemed to blow his mind at the time and if you are a younger guy who is definitely NOT an FA it must make you wonder.
Here is the thing, I was doing great at not caring or really wanting physical contact before we played around and of course hormones being what they are I now find myself thinking about sex, but also thinking about how all the guys I meet here are only interested in just sex as long as no one knows about it or are more to the point NOT interested at all. And hey I am human, it hurts a bit and I don't like feeling that way.
Maybe I just need to be an old hermit and not really have anything to do with real people.
Janice Joplin talked about how going on stage was like making love to thousands of people and then going home alone.
Sometimes I feel that way about my website or when I chat with the cam on. All these people telling me how great I am and yet I am alone. Does it make it better to have the attention and still be alone or does it just make it worse by highlighting the fact I can not get it together where other people are concerned?
Sometimes I wish I could be like these guys I meet, just want sex from anyone I am attracted to and not let it affect my feelings. I know people will tell me guys are not like that but oddly enough the guys keep telling me they are and while I am sure it is not a great way to live it sure has to be easier.
I wish they made saltpeter for the heart, take it and have no desire.

Sunday, February 15, 2004

Candie or Condoms 

I got bored tonight so I loaded up all my condoms (about 24... last time I did this I bought them just for it and had 60) and went to the store and bought some bulk lollipops and went downtown to bar row and offered people "FORCED ROMANCE DAY" goodies, candy or condoms.
It is just fun to see peoples reactions, some were really freaked out and others laughed and had a good time with it.

Of course I had a bunch of MAGNUM condoms so that added a bit to the fun as the groups of guys would try to decide which to choose, the ones that would actually fit or the ones that make them look macho.
As I have said before I am easily amused and love people watching.

Saturday, February 14, 2004

cartoons 




Down with Love 

Loved that movie... here is the theme song to help combat the 200,000 love and break-up songs on the radio today.
DOWN WITH LOVE

Down with love the flowers and rice and shoes
Down with love the root of all midnight blues
Down with things that give you that well-known ping
Take that moon wrap it in cellophane

Down with love let's liquidate all its friends
Moon and June and roses and rainbow's ends
Down with songs that moan about night and day
Down with love yes take it away, away

Away
Far away
Give it back to the birds and bees and the Viennese

Down with eyes romantic and stupid
Down with sighs and down with cupid
Brother let's stuff that dove
Down with love

Down with love let's liquidate all its friends
The moons the Junes the roses and rainbow's ends
Down with songs that moan about night and day
Down with love yes take it away, away

Far away
So very, very far away
Give it back to the birds and the bees and especially the Viennese

Down with eyes romantic and stupid
Down with sighs and down with cupid
Brother let's stuff that dove
Down with love


Artist: Michael Buble/Holly Palmer Lyrics
Song: Down With Love Lyrics

Friday, February 13, 2004

Don't Be My Valentine 

I admit it I am so not interested in a relationship with anyone. I am not interested in sex, in dating, in anything like that and funny thing is I have never been more content about it then I am now.

I have no interest in Valentine's Day, it has become so totally commercial and I dont feel we should put all this pressure on people to be romantic, you either are romantic or you are not and I have no intention of being with a guy who does not know how to be romantic at random.
This pressure to spend money on one certain day is ridiculous, I would rather have a guy who once in a while for no reason in particular buys me a $4 bouquet of flowers at the grocery store then having a guy feel like he HAS to buy me a $35 bouquet of roses. I want to be able to do something romantic for a guy once in a while without him either thinking it is too femmy or not appreciating it at all.

I am also not the average chick when it comes to a lot of things the sales people would like you to believe all women like.
I really don't like diamonds or expensive jewelry .... I prefer fun wild rhinestone jewelry, especially hair clips and funky jewelry like they have at Target (they have a design company called Swell) As well as jewelry with a really Art Deco feel to it.
I am not into Chick Flicks... I prefer movies with lots of martial arts, explosions, wild things going on and comedies.
I really don't like Dark Red Roses... I prefer to get consumer bouquets (cheap mixed flower bouquets)
I don't have any real desire to go to really expensive restaurants and I like to use coupons, I love to save money and get deals.

I don't know if I am what you would call High Maintence but when I AM in a relationship I do expect a lot of attention just not a lot of money being spent on me.

Want list for Apartment 

So I listed what I DON'T want in a place, now it is time for a little positive affirmation.
A little list of the things I DO want in a place.. What I am looking for.

I want the place I live in to have a real shower and tub I can fit in ok (I actually fit in the tub I have alright but it does not have a real wall mounted shower)

I want CENTRAL HEATING ... Gas Heat (no more wall furnaces and curtains to the kitchen to try to keep from freezing)

Good fitting and insulated windows and doors (one nice thing about looking in the winter it is easier to tell how well the heater and the doors and windows work ... I moved into this place in June of 99)

I really want to find a 2 bedroom, preferably one that has a small second bedroom for art and my computer (it would be nice to be able to put up an art table and leave it up and to actually have a front room since right now my computer desk takes up the only place for a couch)

I want a place that is newer then the one I live in, I don't care if it is part of an apartment complex.

I want to live not too far out from the center of town or from shops and stuff but not right behind one like I do now.

A place where I can have my cats, BOTH of them.

A place that either has shelves or where I can put them up.

A decent kitchen where there is reasonable storage and a stove that heats to the right temp. (both of these are lacking where I am at)

I would like to live in a part of town where I can get decent reception on the broadcast channels (for some reason if you live in this part of town you have a horrible time getting channel 2 CBS)

I would like a place that is already wired for cable or at least for DSL

Anyplace I move to needs to have more then one wall plug-ins per room and it has to have one in the bathroom. (Also having the bathroom light switch actually IN the bathroom and not in the hall leading to the bathroom would be nice)

I am sure there are other things I want in a place but can't really think of it now...LOL

Moving On (part1) 

I am almost defiantly going to be moving out of this hell hole I live in. I am tired of never being warm in the winter cause there is only a wall furnace and the fan on that haves to be plugged in to go and it screams.
I am tired of living blocks from the University surrounded by underage students who get drunk all the time and every night having someone on the block outside screaming or throwing beer bottles.
I am tired of having a chicken-shit landlady who spies on me and thinks that it is ok to have one cat ($100 deposit) but says if I have 2 I need to pay an additional $200 ((actually studies prove that two cats will be less bored and less destructive.))
I am tired of living in a place without a real shower, where I have to use a sprayer hooked to the faucet that does not attach to the wall in way so to shower I have to hold the sprayer in one hand all the time ((and you wonder why I like to treat myself to having my hair washed professionally???))
I would prefer to live somewhere that the front steps are not so steep or so thin that they are a serious danger.
I am sick of living in an old apartment where the windows fit so badly and are so thin that the curtains move all over the place even when the windows are shut. Then of course there is the front door that can never seem to be insulated right.

When I first got a notice from my landlady about having to do something about my cats.... I think they are trying to get another $200 off of me but they may be trying to get me to move also cause of some of the things that have happened (like mine being the only walkway in all of the places they run here not being cleaned last time it snowed)... I was really upset, even crying, but I realized that for not much more then my rent and that $200 I could find another place and with so many people doubling up and moving home and buying houses cause of interest rates the prices on apartments are at an all time low and I should be able to get a decent place for not much more then I pay now.
And in less then a day I went from miserable about this place to excited, I have started packing up my nick-naks and stuff. Everything I don't actively use everyday is being packed into plastic bins. I find myself thinking of ways I would like to fix up a new place like making new curtains and actually getting my futon since this place does not have room for a couch even.
I am giving the landlady notice on Monday and I will totally out of here by march 31 come hell or high water even if it means sleeping in the DAMN-VAN... ((not that I think I will have any problem getting a place))

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Who are the real fanatics in France? 

Maybe this bit of news from France should be called "How to ensure fanaticism" Or "state tries to cure anti-Semitism by being racist"
The National Assembly voted to ban Head scarfs and scull caps among Muslims and Jewish students in schools. The key passage of the law, which schools would apply from September, reads: "In primary and secondary state schools, wearing signs and clothes that conspicuously display the pupil's religious affiliation is forbidden."

And yet while it does say Extra large crosses it apparently allows small ones?
I disagree with this law in totality since it is such a strong assault on freedom of expression and it does not effect all people equally.
They claim they are trying to cut down on the fanaticism of muslims, and yet as anyone who has ever read Romeo and Juliet knows it is human nature to fight against oppression, even just perceived oppression and nothing will push people to the edge as much as telling teens what they can and can not believe or how to express that belief.
I have to wonder who are the real fanatics in France, the muslims or the government that is so determined not to have any expression of religion in public? (and no I am not one of those anti francophiles)

All I want is a car I can trust 

I just want a car that I fit and that is not falling apart.
I am so depressed about my car that I was actually crying driving home from dropping grandma off after we took a ton of clothing to the laundry mat. My steering wheel has gotten so much worse it is now not safe to drive, it locks up when I am turning left and I have to shake it loose, this is just a bit scary when you are coming around a curve at 35miles per hour and find yourself heading for the sidewalk (thankfully I was in the inside lane)
So of course I will AGAIN not be driving my car till it is fixed... this makes the time since I bought the car that it has serious damage (including so bad I could not drive) at about 40% of the time.
We can replace the steering wheel but the way things are now it is likely to break again. My uncle has an idea about cutting the base of the seat and then rewelding the base down 2 inches. Apparently we can not remove the seat and move it back, something about it being welded into a extra sheet of steel and if we do move it it will not be stable.
I have got to loose weight, I also HAVE to go weigh but the truth is I am scared to see how much I have gained.
I am calling the Dr tomorrow and I am going to ask for a kidney work up, I am worried about any damage the Topamax may have done. I just don't seem to be able to keep hydrated.
I wonder if it is part of my hunger, I have read that in some people thirst is mistaken for hunger. I have decided that every morning when I wake up I will drink an entire quart of water just to start.

Saturday, February 07, 2004

Easily amused 

I am easily amused...LOL I found a cool little thing at the store, a 200 pack of multi color origami papers. I use to have strings after strings of cranes so I am thinking of making a curtain of them.
Cranes are super easy to make, at this size I can do one in about 2 mins. To make the curtain you make them and then buy the thinnest straws you can and cut them into like 1 ½ inch pieces and then string them with the straws alternated with cranes.
They have 3 sets of color patterns so I figure I will grab boxes ($1.49) of each pattern and just do them while I watch the tube.

Speaking of the tube
Am I the only person who thought Kathie Lee Gifford was funny as hell on Jimmy Kimble Live? She has a spicy edge to her that was wasted on her old show.
Ok on the TV subject, what the hell is up with all the soap operas killing off people?? I will go through phases for a few weeks at a time where I pay attention to the soaps then a month or so where I don't check them out and when I start checking them out again suddenly they are all killing main characters off.
Personally I think it is downsizing they have all these older well paid actors and they want to get rid of them, also they seem to think that the entire show has to be about the under 25's, who knows maybe it is what pays.
Why do I think about these stupid things???

dead chicken 

Ok not only did it take over 4 hours to cook a damn 5 ½ pound chicken it was not finished so I decided to boil what was left... of course I no longer have a big pan since I tossed the old pressure cooker pan last week. It was aluminum and so over the years it had become horribly pockmarked and I am always hearing how aluminum is bad for you and it may cause Alzheimer, I don't need any help being forgetful.
In fact I am the queen of being forgetful. I was cooking the chicken and damned if I did not (on low) burn out all the water... SIGH thankfully I had pulled a little of the chicken and brouth off to make a dumpling dish in the toaster oven.
So there I am with a chicken and a 11 qt pan so I decided to go shopping for a pan. First I check out the can food warehouse (rainbow foods) well no big pans but as usual I ended up with some odd foods.
I bought Ginger-soy sauce, cool cider (both 2 for $1) a couple small bottles of Olivetta olive paste which is both green and black olives, onions, garlic, red and green peppers and spices as well as carrots ground in white wine and olive oil. I also bought a couple packets of Pad Thai noodles and a pot of Black and Beautiful Glossing Gelee Lightweight polish.
It is a great smoothing gel that has a slight glimmer to it and it only takes the least little bit to smooth my hair down. Funny thing is for $1.49 I get the same effect I could get from $12 smoothing gel at the salon.
I dropped my food off at the house then drove over to the Fred Meyers, they have great stuff but costs an arm and a leg... so the cheapest pan I could find of any size is a steel wok fry pan.

Friday, February 06, 2004

Family 

Remember how I said no one in my family reads my blog or looks at my site?
Well I get a call today from my rather straitlaced cousin Amy (mother of 5 kids) who called just to ask what the URL to my website was ... www.msxxl.com .... I was thinking "Have I said anything about her or the kids or her hubby on my site?"
You see what I mean about feeling like you have to censor yourself on your blog if you have a site that is known? I mean if you are Joe Smoe and you just have the blog and no one you know has the URL then fine let it all out, but even though Amy is probably the only person in my family to check out my site in a year I still have to wonder when I write stuff who I know might see it.

headache 

For the second day in a row I woke up with a blinding headache, hangover quality without the booze. I know it was dehydration due to salty food and MSG but it still hurt like hell and took forever to go away.
I finally decided I needed some coffee and so I went to Big City which is a really nice coffee shop that is open til 6 pm and sadly is all the way across town but they have the best big comfy couches and a fireplace which is nice on such a cold day. It was wonderfully sunny but still cold, which shows you why we are called Big Sky Country, it can be blindingly sunny outside, no snow and still be 10 degrees. I had a great cranberry oat white chocolate chip bar (hey oats, cranberries, that is healthy right???...LOL)
The coffee shop is a little ways away from Wal-mart, I seldom shop there but since I was near by I decided to check it out. Even though I have a ton of canned goods, soups and the like but I needed to stock up on frozen veg. I also bought a whole chicken to bake, it should have only taken 2 hours but my oven is sooooo lame it took about 4 hours (this is why I cook just about everything in the toaster oven) SIGh I am so sick of living in an old apartment.
OH well I COULD tell my landlady that the stove is crap but all she will do is send some repair guy who will spend forever messing with it and then claim it is fixed and it will be just as bad as ever.
How do I know this?
Well lets see could it be that I had the really old and totally crappy lighting fixture in my bathroom blow out and the plugin in the base of it nearly pull out as well as the fact that my bathtub's cold water leaks and so they send over this guy and even though he is only a plumber he decides he should fix my light. Mind you he did not even think of turning off the power to the bathroom while he was rewiring the SAME damn piece of crap fixture back into my wall. So there I am thinking "Oh great I am going to have a dead man on my bathroom floor." I am pretty bummed since I wanted a new fixture, I am now paranoid every time I turn on the damn light. So what do you think the chances are I would get a new or even newer stove???
OHH and how did he fix the leak? Well lets see, he grabbed the cold water handle and twisted it so tight I could barely turn it back on. Well yes it does stop the leak, and every day or so the handle twists farther and farther to the right so one of these days it will just strip the fitting.
Yippie I get to have the repairman back again when that happens.
I have been tempted to tell the management company about this but as unhappy as I am I don't want to get the guy in trouble.

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

eating out 

Why do restaurants still put MSG in food? I know it is suppose to effect the taste but I swear the only thing it effects is my body. Right now my eyelids feel huge and my fingers are all stiff.
I have GOT to stop eating out at restaurants, it is like a fucking addiction, I have come to hate cooking and my kitchen is so cold so I am eating out all the time and it is not only bad for my wallet but my health.
I desperately need to not gain any more weight, I am already having trouble with the steering wheel on my car. It is tilt steering and the stupid thing has come loose so that it wobbles all over hell and breakfast, makes driving a pain, but I am worried that even if we fix it it is only a matter of time before I and my big belly push it off alignment again.
But here is the thing, I have NO will power, it is not an issue of Atkins or not atkins, to carb or not to carb, it is literally that I eat out so much and I have an amazing sweet tooth. I NEED to go to the Flying J gas station out by Walmart, fill up on gas before I run out of money all together and use the electric scales they have in the ladies room. I am really afraid that during the holidays I gained a lot.
Somewhere a lot of people have gotten the idea that being part of the size acceptance movement is the same as not caring what you weigh, not caring if you gain and gain. And it is a bit of a trap we can fall into, suddenly we are not hating ourselves for our bodies and the temptation to eat anything is there. BUT lets be honest I have never had restraint where eating was concerned, I could have stayed hating myself and still gotten this big, and now I am desperate.
The fact is you can love yourself and want to change your body.
I am not looking to be 120 pounds but I Do want to be under 400, and right now I don't even know how much that is to loose. I have got to start eating healthy at home and exercising more, I know. Cause when the temptation of a diet you know is not good for you, Atkins, starts looking good you have to figure it is time to change things around.
I simply am tired of my body hurting all time, of not fitting in the DamnVan right, of feeling out of breath. I know even 50 pounds would make all the world of difference. Of course then will come the whines from the FAs, "Why are you losing weight???" "Don't you love yourself?" "You look better fatter" and you wonder why I am burned out? I want to take pics for my site but I don't want to deal with anyone taking them and I get tired of everytime I put a set up I get told how they could be better (primarily more skin, but also comments on my clothing and makeup) and I will honest it bugs me that so many guys I know read the weight board will e-mail me great letters but not post publicly and yet if another BBW posts one or two pics everyone is all over to compliment them.
Petty I know.
But human.
This is a big reason I don't want to have a paysite, I don't want anyone else telling me how often to post ((even if it is just me saying to the subscribers... I will post ___ number of pics a month)) and I don't want to feel I have to show more then I want to. I AM thinking of buying a cheap ass tripod for $20 at walmart and use it to take some pics
Of course there is really no place in my house I want to take pics.... SIGH
I wish I could get over this feeling of blah, I know I have to take my meds but it is so hard to keep up with them when your concentration is shot to hell.

Edited: 5:04PM Wednesday
What the hell is wrong with me
I wrote the above and talk about not eatting out at restaurants and damn if I dont end up a few hours later at a Indian Buffet... I have an entire kitchen full of food why do you have so little control

Monday, February 02, 2004

church what church? 

I'm a Heretic!



Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?


Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons




Close enough I LOVE the word Heretic, it basicly means one who questions, one who dissents from an accepted belief or doctrine ....NONCONFORMIST ... a person who does not conform to a generally accepted pattern of thought or action

I guess if you get right down to it I am a... agnostic pagan.. I am never sure two days in a row just what or who I believe in but I know it is NOT the christian church.


Stupor bowl 

I am sorry I just HAD to post this pic...

I did not watch the superbowl but this little incident is all anyone can talk about and personally I love this pic cause ole dumb ass timberlake has a "DUH BOOBIES" expression on his face.
I read that the cops in Houston got a ton of calls saying they should arrest her, Ummm he is the duffus who ripped her top. That will teach her to wear a bra.
I swear of the people I know who watch the game half say they do it for the commercials... some of them are good but hell you can download them on line at about 5 sites.
Nothing could make me sit through a horribly bloated game with too many commercials and a stupid half time show... hello when was the last Janet Jackson hit?
And oh yeah family entertainment, Kidrock singing about drugs and violence, sure.
I don't hate football I just have no interest in it in general and definitely not in the circus that is the superbowl no matter who plays.

Edited at 6:35PM
OH man I had only seen the pics but now I have to say I have no doubt this was totally staged, I saw it a few times on tv this afternoon and there is no question.
First of all there is how easy the costume came apart
then there is the fact she is wearing a sunburst nipple sheild under her barbell, NOT everyday wear no matter who you are and sure as hell not under an extreamly tight outfit.
then of course there is the way SHE moved... I tell you if someone ripped my top open in public much less on TV my hand would have been there sooooooo fast, but she sort of stands there for like 20 or 30 seconds with her hands down and POSES.
I dont think CBS affiliates should get fined, I think Timberlake and Jackson should. I honestly don't care who showed a tit on TV, I figure if people know it is coming then fine, it is the feeling that it was premeditated then they sit there and say OOOPPSSS so sorry accident, we didn't know the tit was loaded.
Ok rant over I have nothing more to say about dumb and dumber.

Listening to the news 

I was listening to NPR on Spinner and Cokie Roberts was commenting on how the CIA has lied for so long, including how right up to the fall of the Berlin Wall that the Soviet Union was the single strongest economy in the world and this is what made them so dangerous. Well as we all saw after the fall they were in economic ruin.
Roberts said well you don't have to be evil to be wrong.
Here is the thing the government in these lies were not JUST wrong they were LYING, and they continue to lie anytime they feel the need too. Evil?
Well I don't know if you call it evil, but it sure as hell is beyond just wrong. Wrong is an accident, it is a mistake.."Oooops sorry I was wrong about the date of Gettysburg Address but I looked it up and here is that correction." If you have JUST made a mistake then you correct it as soon as you suspect it is wrong, regardless of wether it benefits you or not.
The government (and I do NOT just mean this current regime) has a history of lying to us, to "protect us" to "benefit our country" which is really just a small percentage of this country, to benefit those in power. A president needs to decide if they and their government will CONTROL US or if they will realize their job is to Lead us where we wish to follow not to force us where they want to take us.

OHHHH man I can not believe I did it.... checking my Hotmail I saw a link to MSN Entertainment Celebrity Gossip..... about "why did Benifer break up"
I peeked
In fact I read that and other gossip
What is it about the famous we are so wrapped up in? Why do we care? Some people suggest we like it best when their lives are not perfect so we can point and say "See I am not the only one who can not get a relationship to work"
Well I hate to say I can guess why they broke up..... who would want EVERYONE to be in your business like that? I mean Damn I don't care one way or another and I still read the article. Imagine being chased everywhere you go, having everything you do not only reported on but speculated on. "Ooo did she say hi to her ex?" "Well you know what means" "Is he standing next to that blond... well you know what that means" then we get the treat of it being everywhere.
I always say I have no interest in having a cell phone since one of the reasons I leave home and have an answering machine is so I can be left alone, now imagine never being able to leave home without everyone chasing you. Personally if I had a choice between fame and being able to have my privacy I would choose my privacy ... mind you I would take either of their incomes. LOL

Sunday, February 01, 2004

wandering through random blogland #1 

Ok the superbowl is just getting starting, which is why I am sitting in the front room (not the bedroom where the TV is and listening to ALL BLUES on Spinner and both lurking in Dimension chat and looking at random blogs... I am bored I guess but I don't believe in allowing myself to stay bored so since I am trying to not go to bed at 4pm (which means awake by 1am) I am trying to find stuff on line to interest me.
I am looking at the list of the "Last ten Blogs posted to Blogger" which is on the front page of Blogger.com
The times are all set for PST.
2:55PM You're a Big Girl, Hold It ..... I was HOPING for a BBW blog but no this is some chick in New Jersey, just your basic 20 something with boyfriend.

3:08PM Random Mood Swings Among The Pillars of Degradated Art-Less Whims..... seriously cool title. The blog of Ray, professional writer dealing with being published the first time, deep stuff with samples of his writing, like mine this blog is only a in its first page. I notice a lot of the blogs I hit at random this way are new, makes me wonder what the active life of a blog usually is.

3:15PM Faye's Boyfriend Replacement.... the blog of a young Mormon girl dealing with not going back to BYU Hawaii and her family issues. She mentions her mom read her Blog but she guessed that she had only read the front (current) page and she was glad since she worried a bit what she might think of some of her earlier upsets at her parents....
I understand this, I have dated men on line, I have been deeply and emotionally involved with one or two over the last 6 years and I also have simply gone out (and in many cases had a really bad situation come up with) guys who check out my page and I have to wonder "How much can I say in my blog?"
I mean some random date where the guy may check out my site and does not chat in the same room I do that is one thing... I could probably go off on that if I did not give real names BUT you have the case where I have had a long term relationship with my ex who chats in the same room I do and where I dated seriously another guy from the same place and I feel since I don't know who might read my blog from that room much less the guys themselves I have to watch how much I say about things that happen with us. Most blogs work cause people reading them have no idea who Susie or Barb's guy is, the people who read them don't talk to the writers BF as well.
I had told the last guy in that situation I did NOT want to be public about our relationship until I knew one way or another if it was going to work out ((we live 2000 miles apart)) and well he is young and it hurt his feelings. In the long run someone else spread word of his visit to me and since the Dimensions size acceptance community is a bit incestuous in that we are all in each others business and the same people often date more then one person from the same site .... well hell my ex bf met me from there then WE met a friend in his state from the dim chat and after we broke up He married her.... just gives you an idea how interrelated everyone there is, the info got around everywhere and every step of our relationship was public fodder. Now I really don't mind this, but since I don't have faith in my staying power in a relationship I am in no hurry for people I know to have a front row seat to yet another failed relationship as it happens.
I have no worry about my computer illiterate mother or grandmother finding my Blog, My dad might but I think he is way too busy, and my brother is unlikely to try. To be honest I can not see anyone from my extended family looking at my blog either.... on my mom's side of the family we are already pretty in each others business so they are not likely to look for info on me on line and my dad's side of the family is not close to me.
Oh well just made me think, but that is one of the reasons I look at random blogs they give me ideas and I see if there are any links I might like to check out.

3:40PM Wit for Hire.... Ok I admit I am probably not giving this blog a chance but I HATE tiny little micro text on a black background. It is kind of funny he claims he is forced to write in the blog everyday so his boss can save money on anger management classes.

3:44PM Girl Interrupted.... This is a really well written Blog but unlike most it does not detail day to day happenings as they happen, Monica is a professional writer and it looks like she is using her blog up to this point to write an account of how her last few jobs ended...LOL I think I will keep looking in on this one.

3:56PM I just found out what is worse then a black background with little white letters.... Living in Stolen Moments.... Screaming mustard yellow background with microscopic white text. I don't care about content, it actually HURTS to look at this one.

3:59PM at first I thought the 10 most recent list was not adding up very fast then I noticed .... Hot Ambercrombie Chick/ Amanda's Awesome Blog ..... had been getting republished over and over since I had seen it listed the last 3 times I checked and always with a different blog next to it. I guess she just can not get that one little post today the way she wants it.

4:13PM <=Darkcult=> ..... black background, but Big white letters make it better... of course it is in Spanish so I have no fricken idea what it is about, oddly enough it looks like there are 4 other Spanish language blogs out of the same 10, they really are international, I saw one listed not long ago in Arabic script.

4:17 Blue Dome of the East, Gormenghast .... EEEKKK that SAME YELLOW, but now sided with dark purple. Has a cool little message board from TagBoard on the blog. It seems to be mostly charming random thoughts and babbling. Fun to read but the color is a killer. I was really bummed when i did not get to see the Gormenghast mini series on BBC America when I was last visiting Ill.

4:26 Harrington's Hyperbolic Happenings ..... ""A web site dedicated to Tom Harrington's family containing news, gossip and tales of the unexpected."" What a GREAT idea... while I don't like the design (yeah I go for pretty simple and easy to read)) I LOVE the idea of this blog. This is a family (mostly in the UK) who travel and who share this blog it is like a family bulletin board. It is just kind of cute to see how they interact and I think this is a wonderful idea for a far flung family.

OHHHHHH OK that is 10... and I give up I am going to go take a nap

11th hour 

Like I said I live more in my dreams and in books then anywhere else.

I was up at 3 yesterday morning and by 7 I was ready to go to breakfast, so by the time I got dressed and got the DamnVan defrosted the breakfast buffet at Golden Coral was open, I sat there and read and munched some breakfast and coffee then headed to Barnes and noble just as they opened at 9am.
I have been on a graphic novel kick lately going through DC and Vertigo comics and so I sat down to reread Sandman: The Wake and thankfully it was nearly empty there cause I ended up with tears all over my face... that is how good the books are. Then I read Endless Nights which is an anthology with a story about each of the Endless and Sandman Presents: Taller Tales which is a collection of stories about the Dreams (actual creatures) in dreaming. I also read Fables: Animal Farm.

I also continued on reading everything they had on the JLA and the JSA ... I finished JLA: Golden Perfect which I had started before and then read JLA: Rock of Ages and something of the JSA I don't remember the name.
I also read the a Knightwing graphic novel, as well as the Hawkman graphic Novel
All in all I read a HUGE pile of graphic novels and since I was in the back corner with my back to the windows I did not realize it was 8:30 before I was ready to leave. Just about 11 hours reading...LOL