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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Babysitting today 




I am babysitting Nadia today since she is off on holiday break. We are up here at my house to get the Tarot deck my mom bought me last night, Nadia is playing with Nepo (my cat) who doesn't know what to think never having seen a kid before.
I got an ENTERTAINMENT COUPON BOOK for Christmas so *A* and I went to breakfast this morning at Sherie's and then I went to pick up the kidlet.
Jeff gave me "The complete guide to Divination" for Christmas so mom and and I went to Borders last night and bought Tarot cards, I got the SPIRAL TAROT DECK, Mom says her's are all very negative, I told her to wait and get her own energy on them then see how they work, I haven't done any readings with mine but we will see how it goes, if nothing else it will be interesting.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Inane Questions 

WHO'S BED DID YOU SLEEP IN LAST NIGHT? Mine, my bed is softer then anyone I know, I have 4 inches of extra padding on it for my knee and I am thinking of getting 3 inches more. If at all possible I choose to sleep in my own bed


HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU NOW? None, I am dead broke, it is the end of the month and I get paid monthly and I spent a bit more then I intended for the holidays.


WHAT ARE YOU WEARING AS YOU TYPE THIS? A towel


WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT? Playing around with *A* and watching some dumb show on MTV or Comedy Central

WHO TOLD YOU THEY LOVED YOU LAST? My friend Jeff'’s daughter Nadia told me she loved me when I dropped her off at her grandma'’s today. It has been a long time since any adult not in my family has told me they love me.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU SPOKE TO SOMEONE? "Bye, see you next Sunday at Industria."

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? "“In Joy and Sorrow"” (H.I.M.)

MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOU WATCHED? "“The Doom Generation" ” at Jeff"’s house, a truly twisted movie from the mid 90s

WHAT'S THE COLOR OF THE SHEETS ON YOUR BED? Dark green

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Carmel popcorn and hot tea at the Ravenloft game at Jeff"’s house, I took leftovers from our Christmas party, chips, popcorn and fudge.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON THAT CALLED YOU? My Uncle Steve about fixing my brakes since they were so sluggish I was to afraid to go pick Nadia up and drive with her in the car. He had to bleed the brakes in the rain.

Monday, December 26, 2005

Absolutely No fail Fudge Recipe 

Ok I found this recipe a few years ago and have made maybe a dozen batches and they have all come out great.

No-fail Fudge

1 bag of any flavor baking chips (the better the chips the better the fudge)
1 can of any flavor pre made frosting

Put the chips in a shallow microwave container and melt for 1 min then stir and if need be microwave another 30 seconds, they should be melted without being perfectly smooth
If you are adding nuts, marshmallows or anything else do it now.
Scoop in the can on frosting and stir until it begins to thicken and spread out on an oiled pan and put in the fridge to help it set up.

This makes a very creamy fudge, if you like a firmer fudge either add more chips or less frosting.

You can make great combinations here are some I have done
Peanut butter chips and dark chocolate frosting
mint chips and milk chocolate chips
dark chocolate chips and dark chocolate frosting with walnuts and marshmallows
Chocolate chips and coconut pecan frosting
White chips and white chocolate almond frosting
You could make pretty much any combination you desire.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Christmas Eve and Day 

In my family we always celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve with my Grandma Miller, this year she is pretty sick which scares the hell out of me since she pretty much keeps me sane. Grandma had a bleeding ulcer a week or so ago and had to go into the hospital for a day and now she can never take another anti-inflammatory drug again which sucks when you have arthritis. So she spent most of the day and evening on the couch and in her chair while my cousins and I got everything together.
We had a great time visiting and munching on the food everyone brought. My cousins and I ended up playing poker and laughing our heads off, all together it was a blast.
I called *A* when I got home and he came over to spend Christmas Eve and part of Christmas day with me, it was nice to have someone here.
I went over to grandma's house to help her make dinner and visited for a while then came home to just veg out until *A* called and wanted to know if I was going to Industria or not so I invited him over again. We hung out and watched a James Bond movie then went over to pick up my friend Jay and realized my brakes were going out. We stopped at a gas station and I realized my brake fluid was almost empty so we filled it up and the brakes are still acting like they are empty, I am worried that the brake line may have a leak. We had to pick up Jay and come back to my house and get *A*'s car.
Industria wasn't very busy and the bartender was just putting on full CDs but at least they were Goth Cds, quite a few of my friends were there and took fudge to share with them. We didn't stay late since *A* had to wake up early to call his work and confirm what time he was suppose to be there. We went to my house, laid around and watched TV for a while and cuddled all night while we slept.
All together a really nice Christmas

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Note to Self 

There are some people who can touch you and still make you feel like you are not there.

Early Christmas gifts 

I took Jeff to cash his check and gave his daughter Nadia all the presents I have been collecting for her for the last 3 months. I gave her a Mancala game, 3 different card games, a tic tac toe game with marbles, 15 pack of glowsticks, art supplies, lip gloss and a hello kitty coin purse.
I love giving her gifts and seeing her have fun unwrapping them, she kept begging to unwrap them as we were driving so I let her unwrap a few, one at the bus stop and one at Marissa's house and another at Walmart.
We bought two pepperoni pizzas for Jeff, Marissa and Nadia and two packs of crazy sticks for me since I can not eat cheese and two 2 liters of pop. Nadia ate 6 pieces of pizza and 3 of my breadsticks even though I told her that I could not have the pizza then wondered why she had an upset tummy.
It is great hanging out with them but a lot of times it just reminds me what I don't have, a person in my life to spend time with who sees me as more special then anyone else, who would choose me over someone else and someone to love.
It tends to make me do foolish things when I feel so down.


Listening to: Riders on the storm (The Doors)

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Raining 

It is raining, in fact it has been raining for a couple of days now, we had one night of snow then rain.
I love big storms, the ones that pound and thunder, roiling clouds and lighting, but this is just rain, a solid grey sky with no depth, just endless rain with no soul to it.
I hope it is the rain but for the last few days I have felt so blah, so disconnected and tired, I am not unhappy about the holidays I just want them to get here already. I just want something to happen.



Listening to: The Crystal Method "Trip like I do" on my launchcast

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Wish List #1 





Lets see some of the things I wish I could have, any list would definitely have to include a good couple of dozen outfits from PEGGY LUTZ PLUS.
I love the red Stroller coat, but I would love it in black and another in Burgundy hey it is only around $800 each.
I like all of the capes she sales and would love one in just about every color, again they are only $500
The dresses are a little more in reach, I love her Juliet dress in all lengths and the Swing/Curve dress in all lengths. I also like the Slip dresses in the full length, I would take all of them in
I would love to do the "give me one in each color" thing. Mostly Burgundy, Hunter green, purple, black velvet, as well as the Juliet Dress in all kinds of material.

Oh well not having a spare $20K to spend on clothes I can dream.

Really screwed up my diet 

I have not been keeping such hard track of what I eat in December, just trying to eat healthy, but I think I have to get serious again. I went so far off my diet is like the bad old days again. They had 2 for one candy bars at the gas station I stopped at and I ended up getting two, I don't need two, hell I don't need one for that matter.
On the way back from Nampa I stopped for Chinese buffet and the only good thing I can say I had very little to eat but I was bummed to have spent the money on something and just nibbled, why don't I have the will power to just NOT go in the first place, I am dead broke so going out to eat with my last few dollars was stupid.
Then later in the afternoon I stopped by McD's and ordered a double hamburger and got a cheeseburger instead, I should have taken it back but I just scraped off most of the cheese and ate it anyway. That would not have been so bad but on top of that I ordered two apple pies. Then at the bookstore I ordered a Venti Carmel frapachino and a small slice of cake ((I ended up tossing about half of it away.))
The thing is it all just happens to be food I don't need and can't afford, I spent way too much money on junk today.
I just wish I had more willpower.

Getting lost again 

Last night one of my old friends contacted me and asked me to come over to his place in Nampa ( a town 13 miles away, the same town I got lost leaving last week)
So being the weak girl I am I said sure I will drive over there in the fog and rain. I mapquested the directions which were SOOOOOO simple and then proceeded to get lost, even though I went down the right street no matter how I looked I could not find his street. I had to go back a mile or so and find a gas station with a map and find the street, then BOOM there it was, how I missed it 3 times I will never.
TC was waiting for me out on the corner and I felt so guilty seeing him standing there in the cold, I pulled over and opened the door and started to tell him how I had got lost and he kissed me and said don't worry...LOL I still feel bad though.
I now realize how great my own queensize bed with all the extra padding is, I can never sleep on someone else's bed.
Anyway I am off to take a nap.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

humm 

*A* spent the night again last night, we watched X-files, went to the truck stop for hot wings and had a good time, it was so nice to just spend time with someone who likes being with me.
The only problem is I end up getting use to someone being around and I enjoy it which is too bad since I spend most of my time alone. A lot of the time I am ok with it, maybe it is because I am just getting back on my meds, maybe it is the holidays but I find myself hating to be alone all the time, I find the house empty, I find myself being tempted to get wild, go bar hopping or contact some of my ex playmates just so I don't have to be alone. How pathetic huh?
I think I have decided that I am going to live in this place after all, not just for a year but for as long as I can afford it. This means it is finally time to start unpacking, who knows I might even find my camera which I haven't seen in 3 months. If I decide to make this place mine, unpack and decorate the way I want maybe I wont feel so much like I am floating through life. Wouldn't it be nice if it was that easy.
Of course it is hard to get motivated to fix the place up when I know I can't really have people come over and spend time here because of the horrible parking problem. Everytime *A* comes over I have to go meet him in the visitor parking and bring him back to my place, a pain in the ass in the ice and snow. And when you consider there is only 10 visitor parking spots for all 100+ apartments you can see how annoying it is.


Listening to: Wasteland Mission UK...

Monday, December 19, 2005

glittery fun 

I am totally in love with my new black sweater, the mans one that comes down half way to my knees and that I wear with leggings, that I decided to wear it to the bar.
As I was getting ready last night *A* called and asked what I was up to so I invited him to come over and go to the bar with me. I had decided to spruce up my sweater by putting fairy dust (bluish white glitter) on it and on my face, neck and arms. *A* and I started playing around and cuddling and ended up not getting out of here til about 40 mins after I had planned to leave at which time he was wearing a lot of my glitter in his hair and on his face.
It has a been a while since I have been with someone who takes the time to really play and explore with me, being with someone younger who has not done all that much is fun, having someone I can laugh about the silliest things with is great and having someone who loves to touch me is amazing. Waking up with both of us covered in glitter was hilarious.
Sometimes I wish I was 21...LOL

More on the holidays 


Matt Bors, Idiot Box
I am a Pagan and a Goth, last person you would think would be shopping for Christmas gifts right?
Wrong. I come from a family of Catholics, secular Christians, Agnostics and a couple mellow Atheist as well as a couple other Pagans. I buy gifts for those people for their holidays, not just mine.
I have a friend who celebrates Kwanza (I had to send an e-greeting to her since I could not find a Kwanza card in Boise) and an entire handful of friends who celebrate Hanukkah, I have been to passover dinner with them and would have no problem celebrating anything they invited me to.
I say HAPPY HOLIDAYS because that is just what I mean, it is a wish that no matter what holiday you celebrate in the winter, even if it is only New Years Eve that you will be happy and find peace and contentment.
I honestly don't care if the giant tree on our courthouse steps is called a CHRISTMAS TREE or a YULE TREE, or TANUMBAUM or FRED, I just like the lights in the dark and dreary days of winter. In fact I kind of like Fred.
I don't care if there is a Nativity scene on the courthouse lawn, as long as someone else does not care that there is also a 6 foot tall Menorah there as well. I don't care if you wear a Cross, a Star of David as long as you don't give me guff about wearing my symbols.
People simply spend too much time worrying about what other people are doing and not enough time worrying about being the best person they can be within their own belief. Personally it reminds me of a couple of spoiled children huffing and puffing and whining cause Johny got a bite more ice cream then Jimmy or cause "MOM loves you best."
We honestly choose to let these things bug us or not and it seems that in a season when so much of the focus of all religions is on forgiveness, rebirth and peace we should just live and love to the best of our ability

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Borderline moment 

Like I said I got off of my meds for a while and now I am getting back on them. One of the symptoms of BPD is a compulsion to be with other people, hating to be alone, which some people who know me might consider strange since I spend so much time on my own.
When I take the meds I do quite well alone. Most people probably think to themselves "well I like to be around people and I get tired of being alone how is it different?"
With me the desire to not be alone is more like a compulsion, a need, a tightness in my chest, an anxiety. I find myself going to bookstores to read just to be around people and wanting to call people I know to see what they are up to. I wish I could call *A* and have him come over but I just don't feel like I should start falling back on my playmates when I am in this mood, it makes everything too complicated and mixes up my feelings.
I know it will be a week or so before the Abilify takes effect and I just have to hold on til then.

Playmates 

I got in an argument in Dimensions chat with a guy who said that all women who have BUDDIES, or Playmates who are not there serious boyfriends are selfish sluts. You can imagine I had a few things to say about him.
Do I want a boyfriend? Sure someday I would love to find the perfect guy who accepts me for who I am, who is the right age for me, who likes what I like, who has the same interests and most of all who wants to be my boyfriend as much as I want him to and who quite simply wants to be dating at all. But the fact is just cause you like a guy, and just cause he likes you does not mean you are meant to be Boyfriend and girlfriend. I just don't see anything wrong with two people who like each other but who don't feel that special spark giving each other pleasure. I don't even see a problem with a person having more then one lover if they are careful and safe.
It is kind of funny, *T* and I have been playmates for some times now, going on a year and this last Sunday he tells me he has good news and bad news, the good news being he has a new GF and the bad news being we can't play together anymore. I told him it was alright since I have another playmate. I thought it was funny that when he said "Oh I see." he sounded so let down. Maybe there was a part of him that wanted me to be just a little upset? Sure I am going to miss him as a playmate but I still have him as a friend.
One thing about my playmates is they all tend to be a lot younger then me, *T* was 26 and *A* is 21, perfect for friends with benefits but not so great for someone to date I think, though if I met the right guy and he was a lot younger then me I would not say no.
*A* spent Wednesday night here, he is probably one of the sweetest guys I have ever met, I told him I was sick and he told me he did not care, he just wanted to see me. He is a cuddler and in the morning I apologized for snoring cause of my cold and he told me being able to spend the night was worth any amount of snoring I might have done. He also once told me that when he wasn't around me and thought of me he thought of me as a lot older then him but that when we were together he forgot I was older. Now if more guys would learn to give nice, honest, simple compliments like that women would be a lot happier in general.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

face reconition 


I ran a couple pics through the program at http://www.myheritage.com and got different answers each time

And when I ran this first one I got:
Renee Zelweger (she actually came up on both pics)
Christina Aguilera
Ava Gardner
Liv Tyler
Catherine Deneuve
One time i ran it I even came up with Vila Valo of HIM



this second pic came up
Sharon Tate
Kirsten Dunst (she came up on both)
Michelle Pfeiffer
Cameron Diaz


Do I look like these people, no not really, except maybe sharon tate. Do I have similar features as them, sure in one or two photos, the eyes of this one, the chin of another and the cheeks of that one. There are only so many ways to make up a face and offer enough photos of the same person in different lighting and poses and you will get dozens if not hundreds of matches but it is still fun



'scripts 

I am sitting here filling up pill case for the next month, I have been off my meds for a few weeks because I missed a drs appointment a while back and they would not fill my scripts until I went in to check on them.
They said they wanted to see how I was doing.
Well I WAS doing great until I ran out of meds and had to wait two weeks to get an appointment.
I take Abilify for my BPD, it keeps me from obsessing about the relationships and lack there of in my life, keeps me from forming unacceptable attachments. Combine being off them for two weeks with a bad cold and my period and I find myself feeling confused and emotional about things I keep thinking I am over. I hate not knowing if my feelings are real or a reaction to meds or hormones.

Friday, December 16, 2005

A great find 






I went looking for a basket at the dollar store for Grandma and found three of Madonna's children books there, I got them for Jeff to give to Nadia. Yakov and the Seven Thieves, Mr. Peabody's Apples and The English Roses. These are really beautiful books and for a dollar I can't pass them up, I wish I had had a spare $50 I would have bought all they had and donated them to toys for tots.

An Early Christmas 

My Grandma got out of the hospital today, she had gone in the day before with a bleeding ulcer and had to have it cauterized and had 4 units of blood, I couldn't get ahold of her until this afternoon cause she was asleep most of the time so I just ended up worrying for 24 hours.
Anyway I went shopping for her, bought a gift for one of my aunts for her and brought her pudding, all I needed was a red hood and a wolf and it would have been a fairytale.
Grandma had ordered me two more fleece cloaks, I have one of them in a dark fushia already and since she claims that she did not want to have to wrap both the black one and the camel color one she gave me the black one today as well as a huge mans black pullover shaker knit sweater we ordered from King Size Direct. I love it, the sweater is so long I can wear it over leggings and it looks cute with the sleeves rolled up.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Holidays 

Bob Englehart, Hartford, Connecticut -- The Hartford Courant,

I really don't understand this mentality, forcing people to agree with you and YOUR religion any more then I understand the mentality of forcing all religious expression out of public places.
For decades we had a 10 commandments monument in one of our parks and to be honest it was not a problem until a religious group came along and wanted to put one up damning gays saying it was their right since we had a religious monument on public soil.
Our statehouse always has a huge donated Christmas tree out of someone's yard here in town, 30 or 40 ft tall, I figure that takes care of the pagans and the more secular Christians. We have a huge front lawn in front of our Statehouse, I see no problem with having a creche on one side and a menorah on the other.
I personally say happy holidays because I celebrate more then one, I celebrate Yule with my pagan friends and a secular Christmas with my Family and if I had
Jewish friends who wanted to celebrate Hanukkah with me I would do that as well. We choose to let these things upset up, or not.


Words of the Year 2005 

This list just struck me as interesting I just thought it said a lot about this last year

Merriam-Webster's Words of the Year 2005

Based on your online lookups, the #1 Word of the Year for 2005 was:

1. integrity

Pronunciation: in-'te-gr&-tE
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English integrite, from Middle French & Latin; Middle French integrité, from Latin integritat-, integritas, from integr-, integer entire
1 : firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : INCORRUPTIBILITY
2 : an unimpaired condition : SOUNDNESS
3 : the quality or state of being complete or undivided : COMPLETENESS
synonym see HONESTY
Click on each of the other words in the Top Ten List for their definitions in the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary:
2. refugee
3. contempt
4. filibuster
5. insipid
6. tsunami
7. pandemic
8. conclave
9. levee
10. inept

The number one word in 2004 was BLOG

Monday, December 12, 2005

Article about my dad on the front page of the Idaho Statesman 

Do you know what a 'Snag Devil' is?

You will if LeRoy Headlee's childhood wish comes true. He wants to open a fishing museum in the Treasure Valley.

Tim Woodward

To the valley's growing number of museums, LeRoy Headlee plans to add a museum on a pastime dear to Idahoans' hearts. No stuffy lectures or hoary artifacts for him — he wants to create a museum of fishing.

"I've wanted a fishing museum ever since I was a kid," he said. "Idaho is such a fishing state, and here we are with all these old fishermen fading away and we're not recording their stories."

Headlee has recorded the fish stories of some 25 veteran anglers and plans to do more. Stories, however, would comprise only a fraction of his museum's offerings. He's collected fishing paraphernalia, from rods and reels to snag removers to heated ice-fishing seats.

"I'm the world's best scrounger. I trade, I go to antique stores and I use e-Bay. I'll pay $19 for 10 fishing poles because there's one of them that I want."

Boisean Clayne Baker, a veteran angler whose "Woolly Buggers" group teaches kids to fly fish, thinks Headlee is on to something.

"I'm not aware of a fishing museum in Idaho, but I think it's a great idea," he said. "Kids would like it, and it would be educational for both kids and adults."

Headlee, 56, is research director of the Geothermal Aquaculture Research Foundation. The foundation began in 1979, using his water gardens to raise shrimp and tilapia and has since evolved into a non-profit educational corporation. Sally Jo's Living Museum, named for his wife, would include the fishing museum, an aquarium and an antique botanical garden.

"I'm looking for a site for it that has geo- thermal water," he said. "We'll have fish ponds where even if you're blind and in a wheelchair, you'll be able to catch fish."

He hopes to open the non-profit museum within two years. Proceeds from admissions would support its operations. Admission for students would be free or $1.

A "Fishing Grandfathers" program would team veteran anglers with kids who wanted to learn to fish. Every child who participated would get a free pole. Headlee isn't worried about running out; his East Boise home is all but held up by them.

"This is what they had before World War II," he said, brandishing a steel fly rod. "The company's slogan was 'rods of steel with the bamboo feel.' How would you like to be fishing with one of these in a thunderstorm?"

He has three "Hurd Super Casters," fishing poles made in the 1930s from leftover World War I tank antennas.

He has a "Handle Rod," a copper fishing pole that looks like a handle until a vigorous cast releases a telescoping rod.

He has fishing poles that were made in the 1960s and look like satellites.

He has a display of Popeil Pocket Fishermen.

Bamboo fly rods seem to be everywhere. Most, he said, "were made in occupied Japan after WWII. Before the war, a good bamboo fly rod cost about two months' pay. About the only people who fly-fished were those who could afford an expensive rod. It was kind of an uppity sport.

"The war changed that. The bamboo rods made in Japan after the war cost $5. That included flies and everything you needed. The fiberglass that was used for tubular rods also was developed during the war. So were dacron and nylon, which were used to replace expensive silk and horse-hair fishing lines. The guys coming home from the war brought back cheap bamboo rods from Japan and spinning reels from Europe. The war changed everything. It popularized spin-fishing and made fly-fishing affordable."

Headlee's collection includes scores of fishing and hunting magazines published during WWII, their pages filled with advertisements for companies whose products weren't available:

"The Montague organization is now devoted almost exclusively to making wartime equipment. But the time will come again when anglers will be able to follow their favorite pastime in a world freed of the ills that have have caused this war, and we'll be ready to offer the new Montague Rods."

"Everything went to the war effort," Headlee said. "Companies that had made fishing reels made gun sights. But they made enough money that they could advertise and keep their name in front of the public until the war was over and they could go back to doing what they normally did."

The "absolute prize" of his collection is a custom fly rod reputed to have belonged to author Ernest Hemingway. Boisean David Guthrie donated it after seeing Headlee's hoard.

"My dad and my uncles used to be fishing and hunting guides for various people, and that particular pole was said to have been Hemingway's," Guthrie said. "The story was that a famous politician owned it and left it with him. He was supposed to pick it up later but never did, and somehow it ended up with my Uncle Dan. He told me this when he was old and I was young. I'm not sure who the famous politician was, but it may have been Mr. Roosevelt.

"... It's a custom fly rod with two extra tips and ruby liners in the eyes. It's a very high quality rod, made in either England or Germany. Dad had it since Uncle Dan died, and I've had it for 25 years. When I saw LeRoy's collection, I decided it was his turn."

Headlee keeps the potentially valuable rod in a secure storage area away from his home.

Though rods and reels are his collection's mainstays, it's his obscure fishing miscellany that's apt to bring smiles.

He has spears for spearing fish through holes in ice and scoopers for keeping the holes ice-free. To stay comfortable while waiting for a fish to spear, he has a seat with a kerosene-fired heater inside.

He has a "Snag Devil," a baroque-looking gizmo that slides down a line and supposedly removes a snag.

He has a "Snoozin' Sam's Fisherman's Hobby Kit" and a "Noll 101 Super Fly-tying Kit," 50 years old and still unopened. He has creels, cases, casting games, lines, lures, leaders, stacks of reels, rows of tackle boxes. He has two fish hooks "guaranteed to be from the collection of Zane Grey."

It would be logical — but incorrect — to assume that Headlee has been collecting fishing gear all his life. He's fished since he was a boy, but started his collection just a year ago.

"This is only about a third of it," he said of the angler's trappings that fill tables, boxes and drawers and line the walls of his home. "The rest is in storage."


Peace on Earth 


Joe Heller, Wisconsin -- The Green Bay Press-Gazette



Sunday, December 11, 2005

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 21) 

From http://www.mysticgames.com
Sagittarians are often planning or returning from a trip. They are drawn to travel and motion for the sake of itself and will sometimes go to a boring place: "1 drove to Pittsburgh the day before yesterday." "What did you do that for' ""I'd never been to Pittsburgh." Just to keep moving. Sagittarius is a bit motion-crazy.

As a result, Sagittarians prosper in jobs that permit mobility and allow them to meet new people. They function best in relationships that lcave them tots of leeway to come and go as they please. They are happiest when learning about old civilizations or boning up on some new social order into which they feel they might fit.

Sagittarian women are particularly success-oriented. They like to run things, their way, and are not usually squeamish about how many dead bodies they have to walk over in the process.

Need some advice on a dicey subject or a special color of typewriter ribbon made on~y in the Philippines? Ask a Sagittarian. They will bounce right out and find you exactly what you want. Then, proudly and with almost childlike enthusiasm, old Sag will ring you up to ask, "How many of those ochre typewriter ribbons did you want?" You ask for it. He's got it. Sagittarius notices everything, pays close attention to details and remembers everybody's birthday, if not by heart, then jotted down in a little date book specially kept for this purpose.

My Sagittarius sister-in-law, Nicole, not only remembers everybody's birthday, but she knows how many times you have bought this certain kind of perfume since last June and whether or not you are the kind of person who likes Breton oysters. It's not that Nicole's memory is so fantastic, although she's very clever. It's that she really, really cares. "Oh . . ." she'll say after I haven't seen her for ten months and she visits me in Paris. "You cut your hair and had it pushed back over the ears. You lost a pound and you moved the couch. I think you look terrific. How did you ever get that makeup to be so smooth?" When Sagittarius women love somebody, they are not afraid to show it.

Sometimes, because they are very direct, Sagittarians tend to blurt out remarks that might have been better left unsaid. "You had your eyes done!" cried a Sagittarian friend when I met him at Orly Airport. I nearly fainted. Worse, I hadn't had my eyes done at all. He was so embarrassed, poor thing. He meant well. He meant to say, "You look terrific," the way my discreet sister-in-law has learned to. But instead, he mentioned my eyes, which I always think have giant bags under them and are better not discussed.

Even so, Sagittarian people have an outstanding ability to cheer one up. If I am ever sad or feeling sorry for myself, I call up my Sagittarian friends. They love to chat and will always have a funny story to tell, a nice cup of hot tea prepared for you or a bottle of your favorite rosé on ice. You can tell your Sagittarian friend anything you are feeling and he won't be shocked or upset by it. The Sagittarian is the soul of comprehension and exudes good will. Find yourself one for a friend. You won't regret it.


Getting Lost 

I got lost coming home from Gavins party last night
Now usually it is exactly a 20 mile trip to Nampa so a 40 mile round trip to Gavins brothers house, I live by the freeway so for me it literally should intel going down three streets to the freeway then strait home.
Did I do this? NO
I got totally turned around and headed down some street thinking that like Amity it heads to Boise. NOPE I was completely going the other way, thought the moon was rising instead of setting and so I MUST be heading for town, realized my mistake when I was way too far away and ended up in MURPHY which if anyone knows is on the OTHER side of Nampa from Boise and so all together my 40 mile round trip took 97 miles, in the dark and the fog, both of which I love when I know where the hell I am but which suck when you don't have the slightest idea if you are heading towards Nevada or something. You have to realize there is a WHOLE Lot of NOTHING and NOWHERE out here inn the desert.
By the way LAST time I went there I lost the address, had to drive all the way back to town and get it AND got a speeding ticket for $62. Think it is Jinxed?

I was sure I was going to fall asleep out there on the back roads until I sign that said GIVENS HOTSPRINGS, I love that place I went swimming there a while back and will have to go again soon.


Saturday, December 10, 2005

Roll Playing 

I have been role playing in 3 different games in the last 6 or 7 months, first in star wars, clone wars, then in Serenity, which we just never got into, and finally Ravensloft.
I look at the characters I have created for each of these games and I realize something, they are all very much the same. It is common in Role Playing Games (RPGs) to make characters that are how you wish you were, who don’t share your own faults and foibles. People build characters who are not just larger then life but who also show the players best features mixed with those they have.
This is true with all three of my characters, they are all strong, well built, beautiful and smart as well as tough and strong willed. All the things I wish I was.
But I have realized something else about my characters, they all suffer some of the same things I do. They are all marked in someway to make it easy to see they don’t fit in, some physical trait that makes them strange, instantly noticeable, instant outsiders. They are all to one extent or another alone or abandoned by someone and they all try to pretend they don’t care that they are alone.
My Clone Wars character, Giela Mauru, was of an unknown race, with living tattoo like marks on half of her body, swirling lines of dark colors marking her body and face, solid black eyes and 6’6. She was found as a baby on a damaged ship that no one could identify and raised on a space station that was then destroyed, a pilot she has a chip on her shoulder and is the only non force user in the game at first.
My Serenity character, Draga O’Hara, had a full body tattoo of two dragons on her and was half Asian with white hair. She had been abandoned by her mother and raised by her fathers large family but they had cut her off when she went out on her own. Again a pilot she was sexually aggressive to the point of distraction, had a chip on her shoulder and liked to argue.
And then there is my newest character, Arastad Goldmoon, is a half-elf, a redhead and a rouge-fighter in a land where half-elves and redheads are scorned and mistrusted, and where women are expected to wear dresses and do women’s work. She was abandoned to a religious order and growing up for her was hard and painful so she ran away. Where other half-elves try to downplay their heritage she plays it up as she does the chip on her shoulder and a wild attitude.

Looking at them I see a lot of myself, unable to blend into a crowd, always sticking out and not fitting in anywhere, feeling alone even though my family is close, being rash and having a hard childhood. I don't think I have too much of a chip on my shoulder, maybe I wish I did and could strike out without feeling like I am doing something wrong when I feel slighted.
Or maybe it is just a game.

Friday, December 09, 2005

The perfect scent 

I recently found out what my favorite smell in the world is, you know the one that makes you smile when you smell it.
I have always liked Pumpkin spice cause I love the smell of cloves and cinnamon and have lots of Pumpkin Spice candles from Wal-mart in my room, I buy the big sets, and I use Cinnamon spice liquid in my potpourri burner. I love to burn candles in my room.

But I also love Nag Champa, which is a mix of Sandalwood and spices from India. I have found this AMAZING lotion and body spray from Shadow and Light. Just the smell of it makes me happy and makes me smile. The lotion has a really strong scent that lasts for at least a day, longer then any other I have tried, I love to smell my arms while I am wearing. I am sure I look weird sniffing my wrist all the time but the smell of it is so warm and soft and yet powerful and sexy.
Last night I found the Nag Champa body spray by the same company and I love it, it has no alcohol so I spray it in my hair and then during the day I shake my head so I can smell it. I often burnSatya Sai Baba Nag Champa Agarbatti Incense in my house and put the oil in my potpourri burner.
Anyway now you know what my house smells like..LOL

Listening to: Adam Ant on my LaunchCast Radio Station (Desperate but Not Serious)


Thursday, December 08, 2005

The Best Diet... 

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English apparently is what kills you.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

37 today 

I have had a really great B-day, actually the last couple of days were cool though I have blown my diet to hell and will have to work a hell of a lot harder.
Monday I picked up Jeff at work and had a chicken grinder while I watched Nadia, after we dropped her off downtown and picked up Marissa we ended up buying a cheap pizza at Little Ceasar's and since I can't eat that I got crazy bread. Mind you one thing of breadsticks is not so bad, but they have a deal where you get a bag of sticks and a 2 litter of pop. Of course I ended up buying 2 of them. And eating at least 1 1/4 of them and drinking close to 2 litters of pop after going a month without, oh man was I sick to my tummy.
Tuesday I went to Thai food for lunch with grandma then I picked Nadia up from school and Jeff and Marissa and Nadia and I went to see Wallace and Gromit - Curse of the Were-Rabbit at the $1 theater, I had lemonade, caramel flavored popcorn and Jr. Mints.
Today I went to Lunch at a Mexican place and had Grilled Chimichangas (basically grilled chicken barritos) and then for dinner I went with my friends Brandy-Angela and Mabel to another Mexican place and had 2 Margaritas and a tamale and a small enchilada and of course lots of corn chips, bean dip and salsa.

I have had a lot of fun but I need to get back on track.

Birthday Morning 

I woke up on my 37th Birthday with a 21 yr old who looks a bit like Heath Ledger.
There are much worse ways to wake up.

Monday, December 05, 2005

First of the month stuff 

Well not quite first I did sort of blow it all off till the 5th.
I have to pay rent, pay my utilities and pay my speeding ticket from Nov. I have to do a little more shopping for a kids gift bag I am putting together and I need to go pick up Jeff and Nadia so we can drop her off with her grandma and then play our RPG tonight. A wildly exciting winter Monday.
And you thought my life was boring.


Listening to Bauhaus, Hollow Hills on my launchcast station

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Questions 13 to 19 

13. Do looks matter? Of course, but beauty is very subjective, I think it is more of a female thing, I can find a guy not that attractive at first and as I get to know him I will become very attracted to him, and the same goes for guys I think are hot at first glance and as I get to know them they loose that sparkle.

14. Have you ever had phone sex or cybered? Yes, I have a friend who helps me work out story ideas for my erotic writing on line.

15. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the Rainbow? Like all dreams the gold is illusive but the act of looking for it is worth more. But if you spend all your time dreaming about what could be you won't get anywhere.

16. What is your favorite kind of books? I love romantic comedy, I can’t stand serious romance if I can’t laugh about it I am not interested, same with Sci-fi I perfer it to be funny with a skewed view.

17. What is your favorite Slurpee flavor? Coca Cola. I have tried Pepsi but it is not as good, if I have a choice between lemonade slurpee and Pepsi I choose lemon.

18. How do you release anger? Driving very fast on the freeway with blaring music

19. What do you do to relax? A lot if times I go to bookstores, Barnes and Noble, Hastings or Borders, buy coffee and sit around reading for hours. I watch old movies and go out on Sunday nights to the Goth night at a local bar and hang out with friends.

Anxiety Attack 

Here I am at 6:30 AM having an anxiety attack. Everything has hit me at one time, some issues with my income, my health, my troubles with loosing weight and my fear that I will be alone for the rest of my life.
It has been months since I have had a really bad attack and I am scared it is all coming back.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Younger men 

I have said a few times that I am giving up younger men.... Yeah right.
I guess you could say they are my drug, I have the hardest time resisting a cute younger guy. The older I get the more I appreciate guys in their 20s, they just feel, smell and taste so amazing, they have so much life energy.
I am not saying I don't like guys my age but I am just drawn to guys younger then me, not mention they sure can make you feel better about turning 37.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

My yahoo radio station 

I am working on getting my Yahoo launch station just right by rating and adding music all the time.
I have a lot of goth, alternative rock and a little blues
Check it out
http://launch.yahoo.com/lc/?rt=0&rp1=0&rp2=1278393518

25 Questions about 2005 

I am in a weird mood for answering questions right now so here are 25 about me in 2005


1) Was 2005 a good year for you? Not really, it has been an amazingly difficult year even though it has had some benefits.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year? Probably getting my computer in Nov 2005

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? The day I was diagnosed with end stage Arthritis

4) Where were you when 2005 began? I was at a party at a friends house, without a BF or a lover near by to kiss so yet again I started the year without a kiss.

5)Who were you with? My Goth friends who have made this year worth living through.

6)What were your new years resolution of 2005?
To take care of myself better,
to be happy more
to be less cynical
to be more open and allow myself to trust a guy if the chance came along.
To love myself more
get my house in order so I can be proud of it.

7)Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005? Lets see
Taking better care of myself… I am finally starting to eat healthy but exercising and all of that is pretty hard to do
To Be happy more… Well it has been a pretty awful year for happiness, I am a pretty happy person believe it or not and yet this year has made me sadder then any recently.
To be less cynical…I am trying that but it is hard to do when so much seems to be against me.
To be more open and allow myself to trust a guy if the chance came along… I did this and got my heart broken pretty seriously.
To love myself more… I want to love myself but I feel like my body has betrayed me and I have betrayed my body and soul, I am not getting anywhere and I feel as if I never really will and that makes it damn hard to love yourself.
Get my house in order so I can be proud of it… I did this in the upstairs apartment I had it decorated and set up the way I wanted and then had to move. I only plan to live in this place until my lease is up in Oct 06 so I just can’t get motivated to unpack a lot of my stuff.

8)Do you have a new years resolution for 2006? It is stupid to make them but I do.
I NEED to loose weight, this is not a resolution I can drop in Feb. I HAVE to do it or end up in a wheelchair.
Other then that I guess the basics, love myself more, stop hating the way I look (a pretty recent thing actually, within the last year or so) and to treat myself better.

9)Did you fall in love in 2005? With whom?
Yes unfortunately as anyone who has read this blog knows I fell for Bacchus and he did not fall for me, I made the horrible mistake of telling him I was in love with him. We are still friends but now that he has a GF (who knows how I felt for him) I don’t see him as much and there is just a bit of a barrier between us all.

10)Are you still in love? I am not sure, sometimes I remember why I was and I think those feelings will never go away and other times I just don’t want to feel anything.

11)Did you breakup with anyone in 2005? I would have had to be in a relationship that was more then just sex to have a breakup and that has not happened in a while.

12) Did you cheat on anyone this year? You can only cheat if you tell someone they are the only one and I didn’t have anyone who wanted to be the only one.

13)Did you consider having children at all this year? I am childless by choice and this has cost me a BF this year as well as in the past.

14)Did you make any new friends in 2005? Of course, I actually made more new, decent, real friends this year then I have at anytime in the past, finding the Boise Goth crowd in late 2004 was the best thing that ever happened to me.

15)What was your favorite month of 2005? January, I fell in love and for a very short while felt like it might be returned, I was wrong but I was happy for a little while.

16)What was your Least favorite month of 2005? There were quite a few of them but I have to say July when my knee went out finally and I was diagnosed with arthritis.

17)Did you travel in 2005? No I did not have any money for it early in the year and after July I could not handle the driving needed to go anywhere very far.

18)What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005? Serenity

19)What was your favorite song from 2005? I have such a hard time choosing one song there have been so many I enjoyed.

20)Did you treat somebody badly in 2005? I try to never treat anyone badly but I did kind of ignore my friend Brandy when I was all tied up emotionally with Bacchus. I have had a few people say “well I know you don’t like me.” and I can never figure out why they think that except that sometimes I am in my own world and don’t answer someone who talks to me. There is no one I am even intentionally rude to.

21)Did somebody treat you badly in 2005? Yeah I got stood up quite a few times and had a few guys act like they really liked me when all they wanted was to get laid.


22)If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be? There are days I think I would be better off if I never met Bacchus but then I realize he is also one of my best friends. I guess I would change ever having told him how I feel, him or anyone else.

23)What are your plans for 2006? Loose some weight so I can see about getting a knee operation.

24)Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005? My Grandmother McNeil died in 2005 and I wish we had been closer.

25)Did you do anything this year you wish you hadn’t? I spent the first 4 or so months of the years drinking a lot, way way too much for my own good. I wish I had never told Bacchus I loved him, I wish I never Had loved him for that matter.