Tuesday, June 29, 2004
The Storm
Today my mom took me and my grandmother to see Fahrenheit 9/11 at a small art house theater, even though it is a Tuesday at 4:30 the theater was nearly packed.
This was an amazing movie, it quite simply blew my mind and I would recommend it to anyone, anti or pro Bush. If nothing else it makes you thinks wether you agree or not with Michael Moore.
It is funny, scary and absolutely heartrending. Moore IS theatrical, but then we are dealing with a government that uses the media like a fine tuned instrument.
The amazing thing is while we were watching the movie an extreme thunder storm came over the town and you could hear it like bombs going off while watching the movie. Storms here generally last 10 or 20 mins and this one had to have gone on for 40 or more.
I really want to say more about this film, more about how I feel on the subject but it is so raw right now I don't know how to put it into words.
One amazing thing that happened is I ran into an old friend who I had not seen in many years but who I had been thinking about for the last month or so. Life is just weird.
This was an amazing movie, it quite simply blew my mind and I would recommend it to anyone, anti or pro Bush. If nothing else it makes you thinks wether you agree or not with Michael Moore.
It is funny, scary and absolutely heartrending. Moore IS theatrical, but then we are dealing with a government that uses the media like a fine tuned instrument.
The amazing thing is while we were watching the movie an extreme thunder storm came over the town and you could hear it like bombs going off while watching the movie. Storms here generally last 10 or 20 mins and this one had to have gone on for 40 or more.
I really want to say more about this film, more about how I feel on the subject but it is so raw right now I don't know how to put it into words.
One amazing thing that happened is I ran into an old friend who I had not seen in many years but who I had been thinking about for the last month or so. Life is just weird.
cats by sergi
A while back I quoted Sergi a man from Spain who chats in DIM chat.
Today we were talking about cats and he said "the best thing about cat is they have never been clerks"
Then he told me....
-sergi55- Ktrina I am try to be ironic again for be again in your blog
By the way no K in my name...LOL.
Today we were talking about cats and he said "the best thing about cat is they have never been clerks"
Then he told me....
-sergi55- Ktrina I am try to be ironic again for be again in your blog
By the way no K in my name...LOL.
Baby blue suit
I got it fixed.
My way too small one piece suit is now a bikini and it looks great!!!
Pics soon
My way too small one piece suit is now a bikini and it looks great!!!
Pics soon
Sunday, June 27, 2004
I am going to Las Vegas!!!
I will be driving to Las Vegas on the 7th.
I need to get stuff together for my trip to Las Vegas so I am making a list
THINGS TO DO
I need to get an oil change for the van since I am driving the 800 or so miles there, make sure they check and top the anti-freeze.
I need to check my road side kit and restock anything that I have used, also check and refill the first aid kit in it.
Stock up on at least 2 gallons of water.
Get cooler from mom
Find out if there is an adapter for my Coleman air bed so I can use the tire compressor.
Clean out the entire van and make sure the Air mattress will fit ((may have to take it back and get a smaller size))
Fix my baby blue suit into a bikini
THINGS TO BUY:
I need to get some BULLFROG Quick Gel spf 38. I am Pale, a red head, I dont look my age, have no wrinkles (yet) and I plan to keep it that way. This stuff has great ratings.
A pair of white tank tops from the big man's store (I plan to dye them and put logos on them)
men's spray anti-persperant, I have a couple of SUAVE solids but I don't think they are strong enough for Vegas in July..LOL I hate to sweat also I don't want them melting in the car.
A little bit darker shade of foundation with SPF protection, I only have winter pale colors right now
I need to get stuff together for my trip to Las Vegas so I am making a list
THINGS TO DO
I need to get an oil change for the van since I am driving the 800 or so miles there, make sure they check and top the anti-freeze.
I need to check my road side kit and restock anything that I have used, also check and refill the first aid kit in it.
Stock up on at least 2 gallons of water.
Get cooler from mom
Find out if there is an adapter for my Coleman air bed so I can use the tire compressor.
Clean out the entire van and make sure the Air mattress will fit ((may have to take it back and get a smaller size))
Fix my baby blue suit into a bikini
THINGS TO BUY:
I need to get some BULLFROG Quick Gel spf 38. I am Pale, a red head, I dont look my age, have no wrinkles (yet) and I plan to keep it that way. This stuff has great ratings.
A pair of white tank tops from the big man's store (I plan to dye them and put logos on them)
men's spray anti-persperant, I have a couple of SUAVE solids but I don't think they are strong enough for Vegas in July..LOL I hate to sweat also I don't want them melting in the car.
A little bit darker shade of foundation with SPF protection, I only have winter pale colors right now
Questions #39-41
39. What color pants are you wearing? Not wearing any right now, going to bed soon.
40. What are you listening to right now? The local alternative station, Cyprus Hill, was listening to 70s music earlier but can only take so much of it
41. Was the last time you had sex good or bad? Actually the last 3 times I have fooled around have been pretty disappointing (thankfully I did not go all the way) I have gotten use to being with people who love and adore my body and care about me as a person, being with a guy who just wants sex is not enjoyable.
40. What are you listening to right now? The local alternative station, Cyprus Hill, was listening to 70s music earlier but can only take so much of it
41. Was the last time you had sex good or bad? Actually the last 3 times I have fooled around have been pretty disappointing (thankfully I did not go all the way) I have gotten use to being with people who love and adore my body and care about me as a person, being with a guy who just wants sex is not enjoyable.
QUOTES: Big Trouble in Little China
One of my all time favorite movies
"I never drive faster than I can see, and besides... it's all in the reflexes."
"This is going to take crackerjack timing. "
"Ok, you people! Sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we're not back by dawn... call the president. "
"Ready? I was BORN ready"
"I never drive faster than I can see, and besides... it's all in the reflexes."
"This is going to take crackerjack timing. "
"Ok, you people! Sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we're not back by dawn... call the president. "
"Ready? I was BORN ready"
Friday, June 25, 2004
Vegas... maybe
Hopefully I am going to the Las Vegas Bash on the 8th of July. I will have to see how things work out with my friend who i would be going with.
Bash Info
Bash Info
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Mike's Question
How do you react if people look at you with wide eyes??
Wide eyes don't really bother me, it is the pointing, the comments and worst of all the Jr. High school behavior.
I spend a lot of time with friends downtowna nd even though I don't drink I get the joy of dealing with drunks who don't think I am a human being and who think it is funny to do shitty things.
Compared to some of those things a wide eyed stare usually gets ignored or a smile occasionally a little wave...LOL
Wide eyes don't really bother me, it is the pointing, the comments and worst of all the Jr. High school behavior.
I spend a lot of time with friends downtowna nd even though I don't drink I get the joy of dealing with drunks who don't think I am a human being and who think it is funny to do shitty things.
Compared to some of those things a wide eyed stare usually gets ignored or a smile occasionally a little wave...LOL
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Questions #42 to 44
These are part of a questionaire that was on one of my mailing lists. I am answering them from last to first so the numbers stay in order.........
42. What was the last thing you ate? Sigh, I hate to admit this but it was ½ pound of Armour hot dogs ((all beef)) in a can of pork and beans, sort of lunch and dinner together.. At 2 am. (Before that I had had 6 chipolte chicken wings ((small) and some beans and salsa on chips and some pop)
43. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Copper or gold metallic, maybe one of those mixed up ones with 3 or 4 colors.
44. How is the weather right now? Since it is 04:20 it is Dark, a little cool, breezey. getting close to bedtime.
42. What was the last thing you ate? Sigh, I hate to admit this but it was ½ pound of Armour hot dogs ((all beef)) in a can of pork and beans, sort of lunch and dinner together.. At 2 am. (Before that I had had 6 chipolte chicken wings ((small) and some beans and salsa on chips and some pop)
43. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Copper or gold metallic, maybe one of those mixed up ones with 3 or 4 colors.
44. How is the weather right now? Since it is 04:20 it is Dark, a little cool, breezey. getting close to bedtime.
busy day
I went and took a bunch of my paperback books to the used bookstore to sale and made $15.40, not bad for a bunch of books I have read already.
I stopped over at Adam's and his new girlfriend Brandi was there, I was tempted to just bail out since i had come to ask if he wanted to go to happy hour with me but thankfully I decided to ask her if she wanted to come along. We all went in her car to Café Ole for happy hour.
I have lost a few really great guy-friends who got girlfriends and who either dropped me cause they were not comfortable or whose girlfriends could not handle them having a gal-friend. Thankfully Brandi seems really nice and I honestly like her a lot.
She didn't even seem to mind that Adam and I played rummy while we ate and drank, I have had a headache for a while (sinuses) and so I ordered a coke and a small order of chipolte chicken wings and ate a bunch of chips with beans and salsa.
We all went over to Ray and Jill's while Adam worked on Ray's van, the silly boy got covered in oil...LOL We finally told him to leave the ruined shirt there so that he could use it when he went to work on it again.
I followed them over to Adam's house since we were going to go to the Pleasure boutique and see how much we could make Adam blush. I stopped by the gas station and got Adam a package of TP , (can you tell he is a guy?) When I got there the door was locked and they were not answering and it brought back all these really horrible memories of a time over 10 years ago when I had bought 3 of my friends these Easter baskets, fixed them up for them and then took them over to them. I stood there holding these baskets I really could not afford to get and saw all 3 of them up in this woman named Ro's apartment and though I knocked and called up to them they did not come down even though they had looked out the window.
I left the baskets, and I admit I hoped they would feel like shit when they found them, then went home and for the first and one of the very few times in my life got drunk alone, hell even drank more then a shot for pain alone. The next day they said they were sorry and that they had been drunk.
The thing is alcohol lowers your inhibitions, personally I believe it doesn't make you lie so much as it makes you do and say the things you feel deep inside. And even though I tried I never could trust those people again.
I was feeling really hurt, thinking that Adam and Brandi had started fooling around and could not even wait to tell me they did not want to go anywhere, the fooling around would not bug me it would be the not telling me they were busy. Thankfully they came walking around from another part of the apartment complex right as I was turning to walk back to the car. You have to watch it or your baggage will bury you.
We all went in his tiny little apartment, while he took a shower, Brandi and I watched Adam's porno's...LOL told you I would get to watch them someday. We watched them fast forward and made fun and critiqued them.
By the time Adam had the oil off of him it was too late to go to the Pleasure Boutique and he was groaning since they had planned to buy condoms there, so being the good adopted Big Sis I am I gave him two out of my purse. I told him don't say I never give you anything.....LOL
Only thing is now I want a boyfriend so I won't feel so much the 5th wheel, what with Jill and Ray being a couple and now Brandi and Adam.
Well OK I would like a boyfriend for a lot of reasons, including just wanting someone to be affectionate with and of course sex. But I am not holding my breath or anything.
P.S. I decided to put little pink streaks in my hair Monday, see what you think.
I stopped over at Adam's and his new girlfriend Brandi was there, I was tempted to just bail out since i had come to ask if he wanted to go to happy hour with me but thankfully I decided to ask her if she wanted to come along. We all went in her car to Café Ole for happy hour.
I have lost a few really great guy-friends who got girlfriends and who either dropped me cause they were not comfortable or whose girlfriends could not handle them having a gal-friend. Thankfully Brandi seems really nice and I honestly like her a lot.
She didn't even seem to mind that Adam and I played rummy while we ate and drank, I have had a headache for a while (sinuses) and so I ordered a coke and a small order of chipolte chicken wings and ate a bunch of chips with beans and salsa.
We all went over to Ray and Jill's while Adam worked on Ray's van, the silly boy got covered in oil...LOL We finally told him to leave the ruined shirt there so that he could use it when he went to work on it again.
I followed them over to Adam's house since we were going to go to the Pleasure boutique and see how much we could make Adam blush. I stopped by the gas station and got Adam a package of TP , (can you tell he is a guy?) When I got there the door was locked and they were not answering and it brought back all these really horrible memories of a time over 10 years ago when I had bought 3 of my friends these Easter baskets, fixed them up for them and then took them over to them. I stood there holding these baskets I really could not afford to get and saw all 3 of them up in this woman named Ro's apartment and though I knocked and called up to them they did not come down even though they had looked out the window.
I left the baskets, and I admit I hoped they would feel like shit when they found them, then went home and for the first and one of the very few times in my life got drunk alone, hell even drank more then a shot for pain alone. The next day they said they were sorry and that they had been drunk.
The thing is alcohol lowers your inhibitions, personally I believe it doesn't make you lie so much as it makes you do and say the things you feel deep inside. And even though I tried I never could trust those people again.
I was feeling really hurt, thinking that Adam and Brandi had started fooling around and could not even wait to tell me they did not want to go anywhere, the fooling around would not bug me it would be the not telling me they were busy. Thankfully they came walking around from another part of the apartment complex right as I was turning to walk back to the car. You have to watch it or your baggage will bury you.
We all went in his tiny little apartment, while he took a shower, Brandi and I watched Adam's porno's...LOL told you I would get to watch them someday. We watched them fast forward and made fun and critiqued them.
By the time Adam had the oil off of him it was too late to go to the Pleasure Boutique and he was groaning since they had planned to buy condoms there, so being the good adopted Big Sis I am I gave him two out of my purse. I told him don't say I never give you anything.....LOL
Only thing is now I want a boyfriend so I won't feel so much the 5th wheel, what with Jill and Ray being a couple and now Brandi and Adam.
Well OK I would like a boyfriend for a lot of reasons, including just wanting someone to be affectionate with and of course sex. But I am not holding my breath or anything.
P.S. I decided to put little pink streaks in my hair Monday, see what you think.
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Reading and Listening to
Right now I am reading the book: Eats, Shoots & Leaves a book about punctuation that is a best seller in the UK, I have been reading it at Barnes and Noble, I really wish I could afford my own copy, definitely on the wish list.
Right now I am listening to the radio, alternative station 100.3 the X. France Ferdinand and the Killers are a few that have played in the last few minutes.
Right now I am listening to the radio, alternative station 100.3 the X. France Ferdinand and the Killers are a few that have played in the last few minutes.
just thinking
Adam is one of my favorite people, when we first met I was very attracted to him and would not have minded something happening between us, but as I have gotten to know him I realize I would much rather have him as a friend then a one time lover and I KNOW it would only be one time.
I have always had close, platonic, male friends. I learned a long time ago the best way to ruin that friendship is to want more from them, it is one thing if I find them attractive but it is another if I let myself want something to happen, so I just don't let myself want it.
Tonight Adam hooked up with this chick and I figure if it is not a one time thing then they may end up dating, this is one of the crappy things about having friends of the opposite sex, no matter how platonic you are, no matter how little that person is attracted to you and is willing to let their girlfriend know that, you still face girlfriends who don't want their guys hanging out a lot with another woman. I want my friend to be happy, I hope he had a wonderful time tonight and if he wants to date her I hope it works out, but I also don't want to loose my friend.
A couple people were teasing me tonight and suggesting I was Jealous of the girl he was with, I tried to explain it is not her I am jealous of, it is him, or even both of them. I want to be able to just let go and take on one of the guys who hit on me when I go downtown, to have wild, crazy sex for hours, and then just walk away, not feeling any worse about myself or worrying that I am slipping back into my bad old ways.
I would love to meet a guy who honestly loves BBWs and who wants to actually spend some time with me and actually get to know me as a person. It feels as if the only guys I ever meet in this town only want quick anonymous sex, but then again I tend to only meet guys downtown during the bar crawl and in the local yahoo rooms for Idaho. Working at home kind of makes it harder to meet guys, Boise is one of those places where if you are not into sports, religion, or do not have children, then it is hard to meet people outside of work or school.
I wish I really knew what I wanted, I wish that I did not fear being in love, for the weakness it causes in me. I wish I could meet a guy I trusted and who could be strong enough to help me over come my fears, but I am not holding my breath.
I wish life was easy.
I have a few mottos in life and one of them is "Life is Always Good, it is Just Seldom Easy."
I have always had close, platonic, male friends. I learned a long time ago the best way to ruin that friendship is to want more from them, it is one thing if I find them attractive but it is another if I let myself want something to happen, so I just don't let myself want it.
Tonight Adam hooked up with this chick and I figure if it is not a one time thing then they may end up dating, this is one of the crappy things about having friends of the opposite sex, no matter how platonic you are, no matter how little that person is attracted to you and is willing to let their girlfriend know that, you still face girlfriends who don't want their guys hanging out a lot with another woman. I want my friend to be happy, I hope he had a wonderful time tonight and if he wants to date her I hope it works out, but I also don't want to loose my friend.
A couple people were teasing me tonight and suggesting I was Jealous of the girl he was with, I tried to explain it is not her I am jealous of, it is him, or even both of them. I want to be able to just let go and take on one of the guys who hit on me when I go downtown, to have wild, crazy sex for hours, and then just walk away, not feeling any worse about myself or worrying that I am slipping back into my bad old ways.
I would love to meet a guy who honestly loves BBWs and who wants to actually spend some time with me and actually get to know me as a person. It feels as if the only guys I ever meet in this town only want quick anonymous sex, but then again I tend to only meet guys downtown during the bar crawl and in the local yahoo rooms for Idaho. Working at home kind of makes it harder to meet guys, Boise is one of those places where if you are not into sports, religion, or do not have children, then it is hard to meet people outside of work or school.
I wish I really knew what I wanted, I wish that I did not fear being in love, for the weakness it causes in me. I wish I could meet a guy I trusted and who could be strong enough to help me over come my fears, but I am not holding my breath.
I wish life was easy.
I have a few mottos in life and one of them is "Life is Always Good, it is Just Seldom Easy."
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Computer Problems
This has been a pretty good week but I am having so many problems getting and staying on line since my computer is so messed up that I have not been able to post here often. I have begun to write my posts in Word Perfect and I have had to set the auto-save setting at five mins or I might crash and loose an entire post. I am hoping that soon I will be able to get a new computer since this one is both really old and really weak, full of all kinds of memory leaks and registry errors I don't seem to be able to get fixed.
Monday, June 14, 2004
JACKPOT
Jackpot NV, is a small town Right on the Idaho/Nevada border, it is about 160 miles from Boise and it has a couple really decent casinos one of which is Catus Pete. Las Vegas has nothing to worry about but then again LV is way too far for a quick trip.
Last night I had plans to meet my friends Jill and Ray (they run the Willie dog cart) at our friend Adam's tiny little apartment at 7pm to get ready to go to a movie. I went over to grandma's and made chocolate no-bake cookies and then took a plate full of them over to Adam's. Jill and Ray finally showed up but we had at least 2 hours to wait to see the movie and so we spent most of it trying to talk Adam into letting us watch pornos...something he refused to do...LOL ((You would think he knew we intended to sit there and make fun of them))
We were chanting pornos and threatening to super-glue him to the toilet if he didn't let us watch. We finally found some magazines and sat there making comments about them. We are all very weird and easily amused.
Jill said she wanted to go to Jackpot and even though Adam and I were pretty much broke, he had about $6 and I had $8 in quarters, we tried to talk Ray into it. Finally he agreed if we took my van which would get better gas milage then his Explorer. Only one problem, the van does not have any back seats and it had this wooden shelving unit bolted into the back.
We decided that Adam's mattress, a thin full one, would probably fit in the back of the van but first he had to take the unit out. Poor Adam had to dig through my road kit to find a flat-head screwdriver to take out the shelves, but once that was done I loaded all my stuff from the back into some storage containers I have to keep stuff rolling around and loaded them in his apt.
Adam and Ray were carrying the mattress out when his apt manager came by to ask what we were doing with the mattress since the place is furnished... converted hotel rooms near the college. We told him we were going on the trip and Adam was laughing about only having like $5 to his name so the manager gave him a buck in change.
We got the van loaded and I went to my place for pillows and the last of my money, so as we left town I had $23 to my name. Ray and I had to pay to top up the gas tank, ($22.50) and then we hit the road with Ray and Jill laying in the back on the mattress.
I love driving even though it often brings out the beast in me, I get sort of competitive. We were blasting the music and laughing, drinking pops and eating cheap candy from the gas station. We didn't even get out of town until 10 pm. We got to Jackpot about 12:30am and headed for Catus Pete's a casino there.
We all played quarter slots for a while until Adam won $20 and took us all out to breakfast at the Route 93 casino down the street (got to love those $2.95 specials). We drove back to Catus Pete and I let Ray drive, not so smart, he pulled out onto Rt. 93 without stopping and got us stopped by a police car. Well I was not wearing a belt and of course Adam and Jill in the back on the mattress did not have any. Thankfully the officer let us go, I worried that he would see my Pro-Hemp bumper stickers and search the van, they would not have found anything but it would have been a pain.
After we got back to Catus Pete's we all played nickel slots for a while and as Adam would win I would grab a few coins and when I would win I would give him some.
I drove us back at about 4 am and got a little lost ((about 2 miles off the route)) now Adam is calling me Magellan all the time.... dork. One cool thing was watching the sun rise to our side as we drove home. Adam and Ray always make this joke about "To the Break of Dawn" of course they mean sex but we were joking about it since we had gone from sunset to dawn on our trip.
I enjoyed it a lot but I probably wont do it again until the first Sunday of Sept when we have talked about going for Adam's birthday, that is if Adam still wants to go. I have learned not to make any solid plans more then a week or two ahead.
Last night I had plans to meet my friends Jill and Ray (they run the Willie dog cart) at our friend Adam's tiny little apartment at 7pm to get ready to go to a movie. I went over to grandma's and made chocolate no-bake cookies and then took a plate full of them over to Adam's. Jill and Ray finally showed up but we had at least 2 hours to wait to see the movie and so we spent most of it trying to talk Adam into letting us watch pornos...something he refused to do...LOL ((You would think he knew we intended to sit there and make fun of them))
We were chanting pornos and threatening to super-glue him to the toilet if he didn't let us watch. We finally found some magazines and sat there making comments about them. We are all very weird and easily amused.
Jill said she wanted to go to Jackpot and even though Adam and I were pretty much broke, he had about $6 and I had $8 in quarters, we tried to talk Ray into it. Finally he agreed if we took my van which would get better gas milage then his Explorer. Only one problem, the van does not have any back seats and it had this wooden shelving unit bolted into the back.
We decided that Adam's mattress, a thin full one, would probably fit in the back of the van but first he had to take the unit out. Poor Adam had to dig through my road kit to find a flat-head screwdriver to take out the shelves, but once that was done I loaded all my stuff from the back into some storage containers I have to keep stuff rolling around and loaded them in his apt.
Adam and Ray were carrying the mattress out when his apt manager came by to ask what we were doing with the mattress since the place is furnished... converted hotel rooms near the college. We told him we were going on the trip and Adam was laughing about only having like $5 to his name so the manager gave him a buck in change.
We got the van loaded and I went to my place for pillows and the last of my money, so as we left town I had $23 to my name. Ray and I had to pay to top up the gas tank, ($22.50) and then we hit the road with Ray and Jill laying in the back on the mattress.
I love driving even though it often brings out the beast in me, I get sort of competitive. We were blasting the music and laughing, drinking pops and eating cheap candy from the gas station. We didn't even get out of town until 10 pm. We got to Jackpot about 12:30am and headed for Catus Pete's a casino there.
We all played quarter slots for a while until Adam won $20 and took us all out to breakfast at the Route 93 casino down the street (got to love those $2.95 specials). We drove back to Catus Pete and I let Ray drive, not so smart, he pulled out onto Rt. 93 without stopping and got us stopped by a police car. Well I was not wearing a belt and of course Adam and Jill in the back on the mattress did not have any. Thankfully the officer let us go, I worried that he would see my Pro-Hemp bumper stickers and search the van, they would not have found anything but it would have been a pain.
After we got back to Catus Pete's we all played nickel slots for a while and as Adam would win I would grab a few coins and when I would win I would give him some.
I drove us back at about 4 am and got a little lost ((about 2 miles off the route)) now Adam is calling me Magellan all the time.... dork. One cool thing was watching the sun rise to our side as we drove home. Adam and Ray always make this joke about "To the Break of Dawn" of course they mean sex but we were joking about it since we had gone from sunset to dawn on our trip.
I enjoyed it a lot but I probably wont do it again until the first Sunday of Sept when we have talked about going for Adam's birthday, that is if Adam still wants to go. I have learned not to make any solid plans more then a week or two ahead.
Saturday, June 12, 2004
Super Cherry Blow-Pop
Last night a guy downtown saw me sucking on a Super Cherry Blow-Pop and said "Damn I love the way you suck on that, think you could suck me like that?"
I told him "Honey if you could stay hard for two hours and came in cherry I might think about it."
He said "Well what if I told you I could?"
Holding up the loli... "Well sweetie when I get tired of these I just crunch them."
That got him to leave me alone.
I told him "Honey if you could stay hard for two hours and came in cherry I might think about it."
He said "Well what if I told you I could?"
Holding up the loli... "Well sweetie when I get tired of these I just crunch them."
That got him to leave me alone.
Hatter
You know it sucks when a hug from the right kind of guy is better then the last three times you had sex.
A friend I have known for years is back in town, Hatter is an amazing guy, like 6'6 and even though he was wearing a big trench when I hugged him last night it seemed as if he has finally filled out a bit. He is a trip, a piercer with just about everything pierced, tall, slender and long natural blond hair and also a pretty decent guy.
He pierced my belly button years ago but it would not last, my fault not his.
It was just nice seeing him again.
A friend I have known for years is back in town, Hatter is an amazing guy, like 6'6 and even though he was wearing a big trench when I hugged him last night it seemed as if he has finally filled out a bit. He is a trip, a piercer with just about everything pierced, tall, slender and long natural blond hair and also a pretty decent guy.
He pierced my belly button years ago but it would not last, my fault not his.
It was just nice seeing him again.
What I want
My problem is I am a bit too young and silly in some ways for guys my age, I want to enjoy life and laugh at things. Guys my age always seem to want to change me, but I am also too much of a grown-up for the guys who are interested in me.
So what do I want in a guy?
Damn hard question especially since I change my mind on a regular basis.
I think right now I want a guy between 25 and 37, funny, with a wicked but not really cruel sense of humor. Smart but the kind of guy who can find humor in the silly little things of life, I am not interested in a guy who cannot go half an hour without lecturing. Sweet and affectionate but not so needy that they never let me walk around by myself. I want a guy who is really an FA, who not only likes big women but adores them and most of all me, I want a guy who will worship my body so I can return the favor but who has no interest in changing me.
If I had my way physically I would want a tall guy, average to a bit large in build, I would so much rather have a guy who is a little bit heavy and well built then one who is rail thin. I am attracted to all colorations and like all different eye and hair colors, I am not bowled over by drop dead gorgeous looks so much, I do like guys with classic and strong features and ready smiles and they must have good teeth. Oh yeah and non smoking is a HUGE plus.
I would like a guy with a decent income, not millions, just a reasonable living so we can do things even if it is mostly dutch. A car and his own apartment without roommates would be so nice. I am not all that great with kids so not having any is also a plus.
I have my own car, my own home and my own income, it just seems like it is not too much to ask.
I can't tell if I am sounding demanding or not demanding enough.
So what do I want in a guy?
Damn hard question especially since I change my mind on a regular basis.
I think right now I want a guy between 25 and 37, funny, with a wicked but not really cruel sense of humor. Smart but the kind of guy who can find humor in the silly little things of life, I am not interested in a guy who cannot go half an hour without lecturing. Sweet and affectionate but not so needy that they never let me walk around by myself. I want a guy who is really an FA, who not only likes big women but adores them and most of all me, I want a guy who will worship my body so I can return the favor but who has no interest in changing me.
If I had my way physically I would want a tall guy, average to a bit large in build, I would so much rather have a guy who is a little bit heavy and well built then one who is rail thin. I am attracted to all colorations and like all different eye and hair colors, I am not bowled over by drop dead gorgeous looks so much, I do like guys with classic and strong features and ready smiles and they must have good teeth. Oh yeah and non smoking is a HUGE plus.
I would like a guy with a decent income, not millions, just a reasonable living so we can do things even if it is mostly dutch. A car and his own apartment without roommates would be so nice. I am not all that great with kids so not having any is also a plus.
I have my own car, my own home and my own income, it just seems like it is not too much to ask.
I can't tell if I am sounding demanding or not demanding enough.
No More Skilly Little Boys
It seems like the only guys who are interested in me in Boise are these skinny little guys, 21 to say 24. And I have found one very important thing out, they are not worth it. I may be attracted to younger guys but often they are a total pain in ass.
Even though I am not really attracted to them I have gone out with a few of them lately just to go out with someone and because in general they seemed like nice guys. Sadly I have found that while they may be ok guys they are usually users, just looking for what they can get and they think they can get with me and get off without putting out any effort. No, I don't think so.
I mean damn if I am going to have lousy sex shouldn't I at least be attracted to the guy???
The worst was last night, this young hippy wannabe who spent the entire time going on about how he could tell I was never treated right, how he wanted to treat me better then anyone had, hey two times better at least, how I was such a good person. At first it was very sweet but quickly it became clear that he was talking about sex only and more to the point that he was just using it as a line and I was thinking "OH crap why don't you just shut the hell up?"
Finally I go to get rid of him and he was all "Oh I thought you would give me a blow job?"
Even though I am not really attracted to them I have gone out with a few of them lately just to go out with someone and because in general they seemed like nice guys. Sadly I have found that while they may be ok guys they are usually users, just looking for what they can get and they think they can get with me and get off without putting out any effort. No, I don't think so.
I mean damn if I am going to have lousy sex shouldn't I at least be attracted to the guy???
The worst was last night, this young hippy wannabe who spent the entire time going on about how he could tell I was never treated right, how he wanted to treat me better then anyone had, hey two times better at least, how I was such a good person. At first it was very sweet but quickly it became clear that he was talking about sex only and more to the point that he was just using it as a line and I was thinking "OH crap why don't you just shut the hell up?"
Finally I go to get rid of him and he was all "Oh I thought you would give me a blow job?"
Thursday, June 10, 2004
Evan's Question
What is in my CD player these day??
Well lets see right now I am listening to a mix CD of Chris Issak.. I have most of his music and I have burned CDs to mix it up, right now I have four 80 mins CDs and a bunch of the original CDs.
I also have the Twin Peaks Soundtrack, when I am writing erotica I alternate between Chris Issak or if I am having a hard time concentrating I put on the Twin Peaks and sometimes one of the 3 mix CDs I have on random new age... it becomes sort of relaxing white noise to me.
As far as the radio goes and I have been listening to a lot of it lately, I listen to the local alternative Rock station... X100.3 and sometimes to 94.9 the river where they play a lot of unusual music (Only play I ever here Chris Issak)
I go through musical phases, for a few weeks to a month it might be some of my 100s of Goth songs or all Blues... or even a week or so where I just don't listen to anything at all.
Well lets see right now I am listening to a mix CD of Chris Issak.. I have most of his music and I have burned CDs to mix it up, right now I have four 80 mins CDs and a bunch of the original CDs.
I also have the Twin Peaks Soundtrack, when I am writing erotica I alternate between Chris Issak or if I am having a hard time concentrating I put on the Twin Peaks and sometimes one of the 3 mix CDs I have on random new age... it becomes sort of relaxing white noise to me.
As far as the radio goes and I have been listening to a lot of it lately, I listen to the local alternative Rock station... X100.3 and sometimes to 94.9 the river where they play a lot of unusual music (Only play I ever here Chris Issak)
I go through musical phases, for a few weeks to a month it might be some of my 100s of Goth songs or all Blues... or even a week or so where I just don't listen to anything at all.
PAIN in the neck
and back and sholders and oh man I am tired of this pain but nothing seems to get rid of it, I have muscle relaxants and I try not to take them too often but I think I am going to have spend a few days doped up and on my back on the heating pad.
If I have to be on my back I can think of funner reasons....
my grandma got me a one week pass to her Total Woman spa, I went and soaked today but I think it will take a few times to loosen it up. I am going to check with my insurance provider and find out if they will cover all of part of the spa cost, I know there is a tax credit for weight management but that wont help me, but if my insuracne could pay all or part of the fees I would work out and at least build up my muscles in my back to keep them from falling apart and killing me with pain.
If I have to be on my back I can think of funner reasons....
my grandma got me a one week pass to her Total Woman spa, I went and soaked today but I think it will take a few times to loosen it up. I am going to check with my insurance provider and find out if they will cover all of part of the spa cost, I know there is a tax credit for weight management but that wont help me, but if my insuracne could pay all or part of the fees I would work out and at least build up my muscles in my back to keep them from falling apart and killing me with pain.
Monday, June 07, 2004
More Downtown pics
Jill, Pet-Boy-Sherman and me
Sad thing is he doesn't know why I call him that since he swears he has never seen rocky and bullwinkle
The "religious experience" Dress
Saturday night I went drunk baiting in the religious experience dress.
Drunk baiting.... One of my favorite sports. In downtown Boise there is a square block area with about 9 bars on it, all centered around 6th and Main st. So the block there ends up being a bar crawl as people walk from one bar to another and there are often drummers on the corner playing for tips. I hang out down there with my friends who run the Willie dog cart and this guy Adam and I will often sit there making fun of the drunks and bimbos.
I also usually wear something with serious cleavage and I will walk down the street and count how many drunks comment on it, hey it is Boise, there is not much to do on a weekend if you don't drink or camp.
Saturday I wore the RX dress... A long black Goth dress with tons of cleavage and drapy long sleeves. I call it the RX Religious eXperience dress since all night long I hear the words good GOD, HOLY Shit and oh my GOD, a few GOD damns as well.
Since I don't think the blond hair looks as good for Goth on me I did it up in the I Dream Of Jeannie do. See what you think, this was taken when I came home at 3:30am
Drunk baiting.... One of my favorite sports. In downtown Boise there is a square block area with about 9 bars on it, all centered around 6th and Main st. So the block there ends up being a bar crawl as people walk from one bar to another and there are often drummers on the corner playing for tips. I hang out down there with my friends who run the Willie dog cart and this guy Adam and I will often sit there making fun of the drunks and bimbos.
I also usually wear something with serious cleavage and I will walk down the street and count how many drunks comment on it, hey it is Boise, there is not much to do on a weekend if you don't drink or camp.
Saturday I wore the RX dress... A long black Goth dress with tons of cleavage and drapy long sleeves. I call it the RX Religious eXperience dress since all night long I hear the words good GOD, HOLY Shit and oh my GOD, a few GOD damns as well.
Since I don't think the blond hair looks as good for Goth on me I did it up in the I Dream Of Jeannie do. See what you think, this was taken when I came home at 3:30am
Romance
I think people have gotten the idea that I have no interest in ever having a relationship again...Ok so they probably got that idea from me but it is not the case.
I would be thrilled to be in love and be loved back totally, I want to be adored by a man and know I can trust him totally and know that I feel the same for him.
The problem and the reason I tend to not be willing to look for that is that I don't like who *I* become when I am in love or in a relationship. Love should make you a better person but with me it brings out ever insecurity, both those that are natural to someone like me and those I have learned from one destructive relationship after another. I wish I could go back to the end of my 14th year and tell myself then not to get involved with the first loser and just hope that maybe it would get better from there.
I have had pretty lousy luck with men... I have been cheated on, lied to, stolen from. I have had my entire life thrown up in the air by men, I lost my apartment once and was homeless for a while because of one. I have had one use me as a yo yo, breaking up then wanting me back over and over. I have been engaged then had the guy tell me after we made plans for 6 months that he had changed his mind a month after asking and that I was not the kind of person he wanted in his life forever but hey he still wanted to date me. I have had men lie about being involved with me, I have had them put everyone else before me to the point of ruining my faith in them. And over and over I have had my heart broken.
I guess it just seems that being lonely is better then being uncertain about a guy, untrusting and eventually heartbroken.
I want to be the kind of person who can love and be loved, I know it is not all my size that is an issue, that just makes the pool of available guys smaller. I want to be someone who can trust, believe and love without pain. But I am not and I guess until something major changes I will just have to go on as I am.
I would be thrilled to be in love and be loved back totally, I want to be adored by a man and know I can trust him totally and know that I feel the same for him.
The problem and the reason I tend to not be willing to look for that is that I don't like who *I* become when I am in love or in a relationship. Love should make you a better person but with me it brings out ever insecurity, both those that are natural to someone like me and those I have learned from one destructive relationship after another. I wish I could go back to the end of my 14th year and tell myself then not to get involved with the first loser and just hope that maybe it would get better from there.
I have had pretty lousy luck with men... I have been cheated on, lied to, stolen from. I have had my entire life thrown up in the air by men, I lost my apartment once and was homeless for a while because of one. I have had one use me as a yo yo, breaking up then wanting me back over and over. I have been engaged then had the guy tell me after we made plans for 6 months that he had changed his mind a month after asking and that I was not the kind of person he wanted in his life forever but hey he still wanted to date me. I have had men lie about being involved with me, I have had them put everyone else before me to the point of ruining my faith in them. And over and over I have had my heart broken.
I guess it just seems that being lonely is better then being uncertain about a guy, untrusting and eventually heartbroken.
I want to be the kind of person who can love and be loved, I know it is not all my size that is an issue, that just makes the pool of available guys smaller. I want to be someone who can trust, believe and love without pain. But I am not and I guess until something major changes I will just have to go on as I am.
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Quote of the day
Saturday, June 05, 2004
Do Blondes Have More Fun???
I did it agian, started to streak my hair and gave in and dyed it all blond... but this time it is a much better color so I wont be adding red over it for a while. it doesn't so so well in this pic but it is a great gold blond with light copper highlights.
And DO blondes have more fun, well lets just say that the frustration I have had for the last month or so is GONE...
Oh yeah and I am tossing out the green eye shadow...LOL
And DO blondes have more fun, well lets just say that the frustration I have had for the last month or so is GONE...
Oh yeah and I am tossing out the green eye shadow...LOL
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
New Pic
This was Saturday night the 29th downtown.
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
1st of the month
As usual on the first of the month I had to go pay for things and do some shopping, bills will come later this week since my electric bill usually arrives on the 3rd.
Today I had to get the registration tags for the DamnVan, I thought $38 was a lot until I talked to some people on line and they mentioned paying anywhere from $50 to $180 for their tags this year, I guess owning a 3rd hand 1989 yoyager is not so bad after all.
I also went over to Barnes and Noble and renewed my Members card, it costs $25 but I called and checked and last year I saved $41 and I have been buying a lot more books lately so I am sure I will save enough (always 10% sometimes 15%) to cover the card cost, too bad if came due this month though cause things are tight.
I also bought 3 books on sale ((I LOVE sales, Clearence is one of my favorite words))
WHAT A WAY TO GO: FABULOUS FUNERALS of the FAMOUS and INFAMOUS Very interesting. $4.98
The ULTIMATE PAPERCRAFT and ORAGAMI BOOK ... 250+ pages of papercraft stuff...I love this stuff... $7.98
DECORATIVE PAINT RECIPES... this book not only shows techniques but tells you how to mix up the different paints you need for them.. $4.98
I also went to the discount upholstery store and bought a bunch of jacard prints, usually 12 inch pieces to use to make my patchwork throw for the couch, I also found some really nice Orential rug patterned cordaroy material to make pillows out of.
I admit it I am "nesting"...LOL I love having a place I enjoy fixing up.
Today I had to get the registration tags for the DamnVan, I thought $38 was a lot until I talked to some people on line and they mentioned paying anywhere from $50 to $180 for their tags this year, I guess owning a 3rd hand 1989 yoyager is not so bad after all.
I also went over to Barnes and Noble and renewed my Members card, it costs $25 but I called and checked and last year I saved $41 and I have been buying a lot more books lately so I am sure I will save enough (always 10% sometimes 15%) to cover the card cost, too bad if came due this month though cause things are tight.
I also bought 3 books on sale ((I LOVE sales, Clearence is one of my favorite words))
WHAT A WAY TO GO: FABULOUS FUNERALS of the FAMOUS and INFAMOUS Very interesting. $4.98
The ULTIMATE PAPERCRAFT and ORAGAMI BOOK ... 250+ pages of papercraft stuff...I love this stuff... $7.98
DECORATIVE PAINT RECIPES... this book not only shows techniques but tells you how to mix up the different paints you need for them.. $4.98
I also went to the discount upholstery store and bought a bunch of jacard prints, usually 12 inch pieces to use to make my patchwork throw for the couch, I also found some really nice Orential rug patterned cordaroy material to make pillows out of.
I admit it I am "nesting"...LOL I love having a place I enjoy fixing up.
