Saturday, July 31, 2004
All Dressed up
I was kind of nervous about my new do so I decided to get all dressed up to go downtown.
What do you think
What do you think
Friday, July 30, 2004
Bettie Do
I know I am always posting pics here with my NEW DO.... but I have finally fried my hair so badly that I had to make the decision not to dye it with permanant dye anymore till it grows out.
So I have dyed it a dark brown over the dark red I had last and I now have a dark reddish brown ((I THINK that is what color my roots are)) and i figure if I just have to have red tones I can use temp dyes each month for highlights.
I decided to have 4 to 5 inches cut off of it and since I was going with such a stark color and so much shorter I decided to go with a hairdo I have wanted to try for years... a Bettie Page.
This was taken this morning at lunch, be kind I am not wearing any make-up
So I have dyed it a dark brown over the dark red I had last and I now have a dark reddish brown ((I THINK that is what color my roots are)) and i figure if I just have to have red tones I can use temp dyes each month for highlights.
I decided to have 4 to 5 inches cut off of it and since I was going with such a stark color and so much shorter I decided to go with a hairdo I have wanted to try for years... a Bettie Page.
This was taken this morning at lunch, be kind I am not wearing any make-up
Dragon Blade
I bought this blade from a friend tonight. I am not that into blades but I like the ornateness of this one.
Trashy Friends
My friend TJ goofing around in a 10 ft tall construstion dumpster.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Working On My Site
I am doing a minor re-vamp of my website.
I have already taken more of the early galleries (everything posted up to 2002) and made them into frame galleries. I was having trouble with these new galleries and pictures were opening in the list frame and on new pages but I have finally got it so they work the right way. There are now 400 pictures in frames and over 260 in regular galleries, all of which I had to rename and that I had the fun of changing all the LAST and NEXT links. As is often the case I don't think it will be this much effort until I am half way through the work and then have no choice but to go with it.
I am going to revamp my front page, I am thinking of making 3 sections for the site, this will unclutter the front page.
One Link for IMAGES, a link which will lead to an Image Index... a page with links to the photos, the art work and the video/avi page linked.
one for WORDS, This will lead to a Words Index where I will have my Blog, the about me page, my erotica as well as my non fiction writing and my Church of Random Absurdism page linked.
Finally I will have an INTERACT link which will lead to my Interaction Index, this is for my Guestbook and guest map, my Yahoo group and the links.
I will probably leave the webrings and the vote boxes on the front page but even so if I can break it down to one good image and 3 links I think the front page will be better.
I also hope to get more erotica written as well as a few more non fiction pieces on self esteem done.
I have already taken more of the early galleries (everything posted up to 2002) and made them into frame galleries. I was having trouble with these new galleries and pictures were opening in the list frame and on new pages but I have finally got it so they work the right way. There are now 400 pictures in frames and over 260 in regular galleries, all of which I had to rename and that I had the fun of changing all the LAST and NEXT links. As is often the case I don't think it will be this much effort until I am half way through the work and then have no choice but to go with it.
I am going to revamp my front page, I am thinking of making 3 sections for the site, this will unclutter the front page.
One Link for IMAGES, a link which will lead to an Image Index... a page with links to the photos, the art work and the video/avi page linked.
one for WORDS, This will lead to a Words Index where I will have my Blog, the about me page, my erotica as well as my non fiction writing and my Church of Random Absurdism page linked.
Finally I will have an INTERACT link which will lead to my Interaction Index, this is for my Guestbook and guest map, my Yahoo group and the links.
I will probably leave the webrings and the vote boxes on the front page but even so if I can break it down to one good image and 3 links I think the front page will be better.
I also hope to get more erotica written as well as a few more non fiction pieces on self esteem done.
Saturday, July 24, 2004
Fearful Symmetry in the Fairfeild zoo
I was watching tonight one of my all time favorite X-Files episodes Fearful Symmetry
This is the one where the animals disapeer from the Fairfield Idaho Zoo... I looked this episode up all over the net and found episode guides and even a philosophical treatment of it but no one mentioned the one truely odd thing about this episode. Someone either did no research or they thought it was funny to move a lush green town with 20+ story buildings and a HUGE zoo to a a real town in the middle of the Idaho desert where less then 400 people live and they are all scattered about a bit.
Boise is the biggest city in Idaho and we dont have any buildings over 25 stories. I have driven through Fairfield Idaho and if you blink you miss it. If they do have a zoo then it is a petting zoo with a 3 legged goat, 4 chickens and someones kittens.
It is a great episode since it always makes me laugh and it is one of the early non conspiricy episodes, personally I felt the conspircy thing weighed the show down as it went, and of course David Duchovny was at his younger yummiest somewhat innocent looking best.
This is the one where the animals disapeer from the Fairfield Idaho Zoo... I looked this episode up all over the net and found episode guides and even a philosophical treatment of it but no one mentioned the one truely odd thing about this episode. Someone either did no research or they thought it was funny to move a lush green town with 20+ story buildings and a HUGE zoo to a a real town in the middle of the Idaho desert where less then 400 people live and they are all scattered about a bit.
Boise is the biggest city in Idaho and we dont have any buildings over 25 stories. I have driven through Fairfield Idaho and if you blink you miss it. If they do have a zoo then it is a petting zoo with a 3 legged goat, 4 chickens and someones kittens.
It is a great episode since it always makes me laugh and it is one of the early non conspiricy episodes, personally I felt the conspircy thing weighed the show down as it went, and of course David Duchovny was at his younger yummiest somewhat innocent looking best.
Editing my tag board
I really hate to censor anything, but the person who posts under the name(s) Steve and Steve Cronin has gone from a simple insulting post to a series of trollish heckling and out right lies.
While I may have to put up with being treated not so well in the "real world" I do not have to put up with such malicious and deceitful behavior on my blog. Since Tag Board makes it so easy to edit their product I will simply take that option.
While I may have to put up with being treated not so well in the "real world" I do not have to put up with such malicious and deceitful behavior on my blog. Since Tag Board makes it so easy to edit their product I will simply take that option.
Fake Steve
Ok some troll name "Steve" is harassing my tag board. Now I have pretty much ignored him even though he has made rude comments about my appearance and my behavior in chat. Makes me wonder if I turned away one of his whispers there. But when he pretends to be my ex-boyfriend Stinkin'steve who is the artist of the drawing in question "T'Rina the She-Devil" and then claims that I am not the model I have a bit of a problem.
In case you doubt that I am in fact the model you can go look at the many other drawings of me Steve has done on his site STINKIN'STEVES ART GALLERY
And more to the point his GALLERY TWO
Just to make it perfectly clear that I AM the model here is the photo it was taken from
In case you doubt that I am in fact the model you can go look at the many other drawings of me Steve has done on his site STINKIN'STEVES ART GALLERY
And more to the point his GALLERY TWO
Just to make it perfectly clear that I AM the model here is the photo it was taken from
Flirt Depravation
I have figured out what it is I am missing so badly where men are concerned. FLIRTING.
Good old fashion, I-don't-know-if-you-want me-but-you-sure-seem-to Flirting.
Old fashion film noir Flirting.
Simple, pure, I have no idea if we will end up in bed but getting there is soooooo fun Flirting.
A hint, a suggestion, a double entendre Flirting.
People say they flirt on line, but you know, they don't. They hint around a little and then drop the sex bomb. And a lot of people now act like that in "real life" as if they can basically just say hey want to screw.
Maybe it is the tits, maybe it is cause I am a flirt and they don't know how to, maybe it is cause the place I see the most men they are drunk, but guys seem to think they can just come up to me and either make a comment about my chest or say "screw me baby."
I miss the old days when i use to hang out and drink coffee at Denny's with my friends, when we would flirt, when I would meet new guys and tease and flirt and it may or may not have lead anywhere but it was always fun.
That is what I miss, the feel of the dance, if all I wanted was to get laid I could do that any day of the week, it is called Yahoo chat local rooms, but I don't want that, I want to face a guy in real life, watch his face as we tease and flirt and make little comments that don't come out as "I want to screw you once and forget you." I want to wonder and for him to wonder where it is going and I want it to take time.
I am tired of living in the 'sit-com' world where everyone seems to think everything has to be dealt with in 30 minutes, 22 if you take out the commercial. A little suspense never killed anyone and it can make everything sooo much better.
Good old fashion, I-don't-know-if-you-want me-but-you-sure-seem-to Flirting.
Old fashion film noir Flirting.
Simple, pure, I have no idea if we will end up in bed but getting there is soooooo fun Flirting.
A hint, a suggestion, a double entendre Flirting.
People say they flirt on line, but you know, they don't. They hint around a little and then drop the sex bomb. And a lot of people now act like that in "real life" as if they can basically just say hey want to screw.
Maybe it is the tits, maybe it is cause I am a flirt and they don't know how to, maybe it is cause the place I see the most men they are drunk, but guys seem to think they can just come up to me and either make a comment about my chest or say "screw me baby."
I miss the old days when i use to hang out and drink coffee at Denny's with my friends, when we would flirt, when I would meet new guys and tease and flirt and it may or may not have lead anywhere but it was always fun.
That is what I miss, the feel of the dance, if all I wanted was to get laid I could do that any day of the week, it is called Yahoo chat local rooms, but I don't want that, I want to face a guy in real life, watch his face as we tease and flirt and make little comments that don't come out as "I want to screw you once and forget you." I want to wonder and for him to wonder where it is going and I want it to take time.
I am tired of living in the 'sit-com' world where everyone seems to think everything has to be dealt with in 30 minutes, 22 if you take out the commercial. A little suspense never killed anyone and it can make everything sooo much better.
Friday, July 23, 2004
Serotonin Dreams
I am totally aware that the main reason I am feeling like I do is my Serotonin levels are out of whack.
I know that what I am feeling is transitory and that while I am dealing with a lot of things my reaction to these issues is skewed because of the chemicals in my brain.
Serotonin effects a great many things, too much or too little effect your moods in different ways, one of the reasons I know I am suffering an imbalance of serotonin is my dreams.
When I am upset or depressed just about the things in my life I do not notice a change in my dreams, in fact I seldom remember my dreams, this may also be due to a lack of serotonin at most times, but the same can not be said when I suffer a chemical depression. Serotonin affects your dreams radically, in fact it is believed to be one of the major chemicals involved in the dream process.
Lately I have had wild extreme dreams that have little if anything to do with me and that play out in my head as if I was watching a series of movies on TV and flipping channels at random. Often as the night progresses things from earlier dreams mix with later dreams and the whole thing is a confused mess. I tend to cognitively dream, I am always aware I am dreaming but at times like this I have little control of changing the dreams as I have them. This is sometimes called a HARD REM stage, meaning that my mind does not go past REM sleep and I laterally dream at the fullest stage all night long which basically exhausts me.
I am very lucky I work at home doing data entry for a research foundation and that as long as I get the weeks data correlated I can do it on my own schedule or I would be in bad straits since I often sleep way too long at these times. I have been sleeping about 12 hours a day right now, and only a few weeks ago I was sleeping about 3 hours at a time two times a day.
I know that what I am feeling is transitory and that while I am dealing with a lot of things my reaction to these issues is skewed because of the chemicals in my brain.
Serotonin effects a great many things, too much or too little effect your moods in different ways, one of the reasons I know I am suffering an imbalance of serotonin is my dreams.
When I am upset or depressed just about the things in my life I do not notice a change in my dreams, in fact I seldom remember my dreams, this may also be due to a lack of serotonin at most times, but the same can not be said when I suffer a chemical depression. Serotonin affects your dreams radically, in fact it is believed to be one of the major chemicals involved in the dream process.
Lately I have had wild extreme dreams that have little if anything to do with me and that play out in my head as if I was watching a series of movies on TV and flipping channels at random. Often as the night progresses things from earlier dreams mix with later dreams and the whole thing is a confused mess. I tend to cognitively dream, I am always aware I am dreaming but at times like this I have little control of changing the dreams as I have them. This is sometimes called a HARD REM stage, meaning that my mind does not go past REM sleep and I laterally dream at the fullest stage all night long which basically exhausts me.
I am very lucky I work at home doing data entry for a research foundation and that as long as I get the weeks data correlated I can do it on my own schedule or I would be in bad straits since I often sleep way too long at these times. I have been sleeping about 12 hours a day right now, and only a few weeks ago I was sleeping about 3 hours at a time two times a day.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Blah
I am feeling so down lately and I don't even know why.
For a while there even with the hard trip to Vegas I was pretty up and feeling pretty good but now I am totally blah and feel tired and only want to sleep.
I KNOW it is mostly chemical, that it is my bi-polar reacting to heaven only knows what and making feel so blah but that does not change the fact I feel so down about stuff right now. Being scary broke and in debt and knowing that is not going to end for at least 6 more months till everything gets caught up and my bills equal out does not help. Not having enough money to buy coffee when my Boise Area BBW group gets together on Friday is just another thing making me want to sleep my life away.
The other as usual ((yes I know I sound like a broken record)) is men. I know that a big part of my problem is the places I meet men... I mean how much can you expect from the guys who go to the bars downtown and who chat in the local rooms of Yahoo? Lets be honest they are there cause they want to get laid and most of them don't care who it is.
I don't know if I want to get deeply involved with a guy, I do know I don't just want a quickie now and then. A big part of me wants to have a serious relationship and a bigger part of me doesn't know if I can even do it. If I would not just mess it up again and get my heart broken over and over again.
What is scary to me right now is that I am soooooo very hungry, I want to eat all the time and I know it is from the depression but I am carbo craving so bad it is driving me insane.
I am sure I will be out of this mood soon, part of it is probably that I am not sleeping worth a damn even though I sleep a lot and the neck pain is getting so bad I can not stand it, I don't want to give into taking meds all the time.
For a while there even with the hard trip to Vegas I was pretty up and feeling pretty good but now I am totally blah and feel tired and only want to sleep.
I KNOW it is mostly chemical, that it is my bi-polar reacting to heaven only knows what and making feel so blah but that does not change the fact I feel so down about stuff right now. Being scary broke and in debt and knowing that is not going to end for at least 6 more months till everything gets caught up and my bills equal out does not help. Not having enough money to buy coffee when my Boise Area BBW group gets together on Friday is just another thing making me want to sleep my life away.
The other as usual ((yes I know I sound like a broken record)) is men. I know that a big part of my problem is the places I meet men... I mean how much can you expect from the guys who go to the bars downtown and who chat in the local rooms of Yahoo? Lets be honest they are there cause they want to get laid and most of them don't care who it is.
I don't know if I want to get deeply involved with a guy, I do know I don't just want a quickie now and then. A big part of me wants to have a serious relationship and a bigger part of me doesn't know if I can even do it. If I would not just mess it up again and get my heart broken over and over again.
What is scary to me right now is that I am soooooo very hungry, I want to eat all the time and I know it is from the depression but I am carbo craving so bad it is driving me insane.
I am sure I will be out of this mood soon, part of it is probably that I am not sleeping worth a damn even though I sleep a lot and the neck pain is getting so bad I can not stand it, I don't want to give into taking meds all the time.
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Vegas Pics
Most of my pics from Vegas did not come out ((I need a better camera for stuff like that))
But I did snag these pics from PanamaGirl7's site
Thankfully she got some of me at both the Costume dance when I wore my Snake dress
And at the Semi Formal dance on Saturday night when I got some fun toys from her
There are not too many pics of my hair blond so enjoy cause unless I get a wig I won't be doing this again.
But I did snag these pics from PanamaGirl7's site
Thankfully she got some of me at both the Costume dance when I wore my Snake dress
And at the Semi Formal dance on Saturday night when I got some fun toys from her
There are not too many pics of my hair blond so enjoy cause unless I get a wig I won't be doing this again.
Monday, July 19, 2004
Rainbows and thunderstorms
I was suppose to go camping today but I did not feel all that well and backed out.
In the end it is lucky I did we have had two huge downpours so far tonight and the surrounding Mnts. are on flash flood alert, I hope my friends make it back alright.
I spent the evening at my Grandma's house making dinner and microwave smores and watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding with her and grandpa, he is a blast to watch movies with cause he forgets he has seen them before so it is all new to him.
I headed home at about sunset in the middle of a serious downpour and it only stopped raining just as I pulled in the lot. Not only was there a great sunset but an amazing rainbow. This is the view off my balcony a few minutes ago.
In the end it is lucky I did we have had two huge downpours so far tonight and the surrounding Mnts. are on flash flood alert, I hope my friends make it back alright.
I spent the evening at my Grandma's house making dinner and microwave smores and watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding with her and grandpa, he is a blast to watch movies with cause he forgets he has seen them before so it is all new to him.
I headed home at about sunset in the middle of a serious downpour and it only stopped raining just as I pulled in the lot. Not only was there a great sunset but an amazing rainbow. This is the view off my balcony a few minutes ago.
My Wish List
I am always having guys telling me I shoudl model in certain things, types of lingerie or whatever and now I am starting a wish list so that you can see the kind of clothes I like or would want to modle in and so when guys say that to me I can give them the link... mind you that usually gets them to stop pestering me. I am not too worried I will never get this stuff but hey it is good to have the list.
WISH LIST
I have now set up a place to mail me stuff:
T'Rina c/o The Millers
116 randall st
boise Id
83705
WISH LIST
I have now set up a place to mail me stuff:
T'Rina c/o The Millers
116 randall st
boise Id
83705
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Wednesday night
I decided the blonde hair was a bust, it was needing to be redon all the time and it totally trashed my hair so I dyed it to a very dark auburn close to my color and I am going to let it grow out and just touch it up with temp dyes to add the reddish tone.
Personally I think it looks a lot better.
I went downtown last night after not going down for two weeks, I got to see Jesse (Hatter) who I have known off and on for 11 years. 6'6 and damn yummy
I also got to see my "Adopted Niece" Des and found out she is 5 months pregnant though you can not tell from this photo.
Personally I think it looks a lot better.
I went downtown last night after not going down for two weeks, I got to see Jesse (Hatter) who I have known off and on for 11 years. 6'6 and damn yummy
I also got to see my "Adopted Niece" Des and found out she is 5 months pregnant though you can not tell from this photo.
Vegas Trip
Not sure what to say about this trip, I wanted to post as I went but did not get onto he computer while there.
It was a very odd trip to say the least.
The choice to Drive was stupid on my part, I now have 4 new tires I had to buy on the way down there and that took most of my money and I ended up borrowing even MORE money so I am now $300 in debt.
Sadly I had a personality conflict with the person I went to see, this is sad for me cause I have always liked and supported this person and not getting along was brutal on me. I feel bad that I have pretty much lost this friendship over this and that the person lost a computer when we were going to the airport on Sunday to drop him off. Seems we all lost out a bit.
Thankfully I didn't really loose much at gambling and this one woman next to me turned $10 into $525 then gave me $25 for being her lucky charm.
The actual Events of the Bash were amazing, I do wish that I had seen more of my chat friends though and had time to swim in the pool which is where most of them were a lot of the time.
The drive back was not too bad, thought my arm got burned and I was terrified about falling asleep while I drove since I did not get to sleep in the hotel room till 3 am the way I had planned, I only got one hour sleep at a rest stop outside of beaver UT and driving through SLC I was honestly terrified and had no where I could stop.
I had been drinking pop and even took No-Dose and all I ended up with was the shakes.
I want to go again but to fly so if anything goes wrong I will have a guaranteed way out of the situation, I also need to be damn sure I have a way to pay for things if anything were to happen.
Thanks to all the wonderful people who were so nice at the event and to the guys at Big-O in St. George UT who are Saints themselves for getting me tires so cheaply and who made sure everything was done right and who saw that I had been ripped off and who replaced the bad tire I had just bought as well as the others I did not realize were bad.
And to the guy in Washington UT who sold me the piece of crap tire he knew would not make it to Vegas much less to Boise... Just remember karma will get you in the end and you will be lucky if it is not someone driving on a set of the dangerously bad tires you sell.
It was a very odd trip to say the least.
The choice to Drive was stupid on my part, I now have 4 new tires I had to buy on the way down there and that took most of my money and I ended up borrowing even MORE money so I am now $300 in debt.
Sadly I had a personality conflict with the person I went to see, this is sad for me cause I have always liked and supported this person and not getting along was brutal on me. I feel bad that I have pretty much lost this friendship over this and that the person lost a computer when we were going to the airport on Sunday to drop him off. Seems we all lost out a bit.
Thankfully I didn't really loose much at gambling and this one woman next to me turned $10 into $525 then gave me $25 for being her lucky charm.
The actual Events of the Bash were amazing, I do wish that I had seen more of my chat friends though and had time to swim in the pool which is where most of them were a lot of the time.
The drive back was not too bad, thought my arm got burned and I was terrified about falling asleep while I drove since I did not get to sleep in the hotel room till 3 am the way I had planned, I only got one hour sleep at a rest stop outside of beaver UT and driving through SLC I was honestly terrified and had no where I could stop.
I had been drinking pop and even took No-Dose and all I ended up with was the shakes.
I want to go again but to fly so if anything goes wrong I will have a guaranteed way out of the situation, I also need to be damn sure I have a way to pay for things if anything were to happen.
Thanks to all the wonderful people who were so nice at the event and to the guys at Big-O in St. George UT who are Saints themselves for getting me tires so cheaply and who made sure everything was done right and who saw that I had been ripped off and who replaced the bad tire I had just bought as well as the others I did not realize were bad.
And to the guy in Washington UT who sold me the piece of crap tire he knew would not make it to Vegas much less to Boise... Just remember karma will get you in the end and you will be lucky if it is not someone driving on a set of the dangerously bad tires you sell.
Monday, July 12, 2004
Home Alive
I am Home, sore, sunburned and tired but I promise to post about the trip soon
I right now I just want to sleep a lot.
I right now I just want to sleep a lot.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Almost out of town
Well I now have my oil changed, my Damnvan gassed up and I will be leaving town at about 8 pm tonight and probably camping at one of the National Park campgrounds on the way. I bought a twin size Coleman air mattress that is suppose to hold 600 pounds so I should be more then safe.
I took this pic of the back of the minivan while they were doing the oil change, as you can tell I like bumper stickers.
I guess I am opinionated
I am taking my garden gnome on the road trip ... Digger is opinionated as well as you can see, expect to see plenty of Digger Gnome pics on the trip.
I took this pic of the back of the minivan while they were doing the oil change, as you can tell I like bumper stickers.
I guess I am opinionated
I am taking my garden gnome on the road trip ... Digger is opinionated as well as you can see, expect to see plenty of Digger Gnome pics on the trip.
Monday, July 05, 2004
Plans plans plans
My cousin's wedding on Sunday was a very relaxed and mellow affair, they drove up to Idaho city where my Grandparents and her parents had been married and then we had a huge BBQ.
I got there at about 8 am and spent most of the day helping with the party but it was worth it to make it a good day for her.
I am getting ready for the trip, I am getting an oil change and lube today. I have bought a pump for the sir mattress and have it filled in the back of the van, I will be picking up a cooler at my moms and get the stuff for the cats ready so my grandma and mom can take care of them.
I bought a tripod for the camera and I am almost totally packed but I have to do some basic laundry today and pick up my costume for the Saturday dance, I have been fixing up a dollar store kids wand for it. I have been making some mix CDs to take with me and I need to pick up the car lighter adapter from my grandma's house. Of course I need to stock up on blow pops.
I leave Tuesday night and I promise lots of pics.
I got there at about 8 am and spent most of the day helping with the party but it was worth it to make it a good day for her.
I am getting ready for the trip, I am getting an oil change and lube today. I have bought a pump for the sir mattress and have it filled in the back of the van, I will be picking up a cooler at my moms and get the stuff for the cats ready so my grandma and mom can take care of them.
I bought a tripod for the camera and I am almost totally packed but I have to do some basic laundry today and pick up my costume for the Saturday dance, I have been fixing up a dollar store kids wand for it. I have been making some mix CDs to take with me and I need to pick up the car lighter adapter from my grandma's house. Of course I need to stock up on blow pops.
I leave Tuesday night and I promise lots of pics.
Sunday, July 04, 2004
My Position on that....
Todd asked : when you have sex are you on top or on the bottom
I am answering this question not to be sexy but because people seem to have this idea that BBWs are really limited as to how they can have sex, not true for most of us. I often change positions as I go.
Now a few things about it, on top works best if the guy is not heavy, if he has a bigger build it is harder for me to balance. I asked a lot of the people I talk to on line and they agree, while the guys love it most of them realize that it is hard on the knees. Pillows help with this but still after about 10 mins it is really hard on the knees. I find that sitting on a guy that way and just grinding without actual intercourse is easier, it must have something to do with the position of the hips.
If I am going to have intercourse very long changing postings is a must, not only does it give me a variety of sensations but it takes pressure off different parts of my body
Here is a site about PLUS SIZE SEX, check it out for ideas and info
I am answering this question not to be sexy but because people seem to have this idea that BBWs are really limited as to how they can have sex, not true for most of us. I often change positions as I go.
Now a few things about it, on top works best if the guy is not heavy, if he has a bigger build it is harder for me to balance. I asked a lot of the people I talk to on line and they agree, while the guys love it most of them realize that it is hard on the knees. Pillows help with this but still after about 10 mins it is really hard on the knees. I find that sitting on a guy that way and just grinding without actual intercourse is easier, it must have something to do with the position of the hips.
If I am going to have intercourse very long changing postings is a must, not only does it give me a variety of sensations but it takes pressure off different parts of my body
Here is a site about PLUS SIZE SEX, check it out for ideas and info
Freedom
Today is the Forth of July and there is a lot of rhetoric going on today. I have had someone tell me I should leave this country because I don't agree with the president or because I don't agree with the invasion and war in Iraq.
But the entire point to this day is a celebration of FREEDOM, and that includes the freedom to speak my mind. I do not have to agree with the way things are run, I do not have to agree with the policies of the current government.
One of the things that make America so amazing is that we are a democracy, and part of a democratic system is the ability of the individual to make an effort to legally change the government. The right to vote is an amazing thing, I think the system may need to be changed so that popular vote means more then the collective vote of a few people from each state.
The right to vote is more valuable then gold and yet is tossed away more easily then most of us toss a penny in a fountain. I remember when South African blacks got the vote, I remember how a huge percentage of them voted, many of them walking for a day or more to do so. I wonder do they still vote in such masses? Do they still value that hard won right? Or are they like an outrageous number of Americans who act as if voting is simply too much of a bother?
I remember being so thrilled when I turned 18, I would be able to vote and since then I have missed only one election due to travel and that was local thankfully. In my family the rule is if you don't vote don't bitch.
I don't always agree with everything conservative say but I at least respect their right to say it and don't imply they should leave this county if they don't agree with me.
But the entire point to this day is a celebration of FREEDOM, and that includes the freedom to speak my mind. I do not have to agree with the way things are run, I do not have to agree with the policies of the current government.
One of the things that make America so amazing is that we are a democracy, and part of a democratic system is the ability of the individual to make an effort to legally change the government. The right to vote is an amazing thing, I think the system may need to be changed so that popular vote means more then the collective vote of a few people from each state.
The right to vote is more valuable then gold and yet is tossed away more easily then most of us toss a penny in a fountain. I remember when South African blacks got the vote, I remember how a huge percentage of them voted, many of them walking for a day or more to do so. I wonder do they still vote in such masses? Do they still value that hard won right? Or are they like an outrageous number of Americans who act as if voting is simply too much of a bother?
I remember being so thrilled when I turned 18, I would be able to vote and since then I have missed only one election due to travel and that was local thankfully. In my family the rule is if you don't vote don't bitch.
I don't always agree with everything conservative say but I at least respect their right to say it and don't imply they should leave this county if they don't agree with me.
EVERYTHING
This song by ALANIS MORISSETTE has me thinking of what I want in a partner someday and am unlikely to find.
"Everything"
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone
who is as negative as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you’ve never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
I'm the funniest woman you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
And you’re still here
And you're still here...
Other than the stanza about blaming everyone else ((I over blame myself not others)) this song is me.
Is it too much to ask that I find a guy who finds all my eccentricities sexy, cute and lovable?
Or someone who finds my style enchanting even when it changes every few weeks?
How about someone who thinks it is cute that I am a ditz and who at the same time thinks I am intelligent and interesting and who inspires me to be a better person instead of bringing out all of my fears and insecurities.
I want someone who will love and trust me because they know I love them and who I can trust totally.
I want someone with an open mind who likes that I have a wide set of interests and that I am creative and different and who is all of those things as well as stable and sexy to me.
Oh yes and of course they have to desire my body, desire my mind and desire my presence.
"Everything"
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone
who is as negative as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you’ve never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
I'm the funniest woman you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
And you’re still here
And you're still here...
Other than the stanza about blaming everyone else ((I over blame myself not others)) this song is me.
Is it too much to ask that I find a guy who finds all my eccentricities sexy, cute and lovable?
Or someone who finds my style enchanting even when it changes every few weeks?
How about someone who thinks it is cute that I am a ditz and who at the same time thinks I am intelligent and interesting and who inspires me to be a better person instead of bringing out all of my fears and insecurities.
I want someone who will love and trust me because they know I love them and who I can trust totally.
I want someone with an open mind who likes that I have a wide set of interests and that I am creative and different and who is all of those things as well as stable and sexy to me.
Oh yes and of course they have to desire my body, desire my mind and desire my presence.
Friday, July 02, 2004
what I am doing right now
Right this minute I am drinking a Smirnoff Twisted Apple cooler, listening to Bauhaus and painting a garden gnome.
And that is on a Friday Night.
And that is on a Friday Night.
REALLY? Are you Sure???
I just got a comment to my blog ... u r obese.
And as soon as I stopped laughing and my friends in Dimensions chat stopped laughing I had to post.
Am I suppose to be insulted by #1 the truth and #2 a person who can not spell you and are?
Don't expect to be taken seriously if you can not take the time to sound like an intelligent adult.
Did this person think to themselves... "Should I use the extended You Are or the abbreviated You're and is that how you spell it?? Should I use Your instead?? Oh well since I am not sure I will go with the pre-teen U R"
Sorry but the truth does not hurt all that much, I have dealt with it for years and I am pretty comfortable with it.
And as soon as I stopped laughing and my friends in Dimensions chat stopped laughing I had to post.
Am I suppose to be insulted by #1 the truth and #2 a person who can not spell you and are?
Don't expect to be taken seriously if you can not take the time to sound like an intelligent adult.
Did this person think to themselves... "Should I use the extended You Are or the abbreviated You're and is that how you spell it?? Should I use Your instead?? Oh well since I am not sure I will go with the pre-teen U R"
Sorry but the truth does not hurt all that much, I have dealt with it for years and I am pretty comfortable with it.
Marie's Question
Been to your website, seen all your gallery pics and must say that you have a really nice face. But couldnt understand why you have to show everybody how you look in bra and panties.
I have a question for you Marie. Would you say the same thing if I weighted 128 instead of 428? Would you think it was wrong or that I should be Just another Pretty Face if I was a size 2, or even a size 12 instead of a size 32?
Maybe you need to look deep inside yourself and see how you would react to that.
NOW to answer the question.
I do try to do a variety of photos, in all kinds of clothing and settings not just "cheesecake" lingerie photos. One of the things I hope for with my site, and that I have found, is that I will be able to show people that Super Size women are more then just pretty faces. That we are sexy, funny interesting women who can love their bodies, who can be sexual and sensual and happy the way they are.
I want women to see me and say Wow if she can show a photo in lingerie maybe I can Wear some, maybe I can feel sexy too. I want men who are maybe not so sure about liking really big women to see how sensual we can be.
I have a question for you Marie. Would you say the same thing if I weighted 128 instead of 428? Would you think it was wrong or that I should be Just another Pretty Face if I was a size 2, or even a size 12 instead of a size 32?
Maybe you need to look deep inside yourself and see how you would react to that.
NOW to answer the question.
I do try to do a variety of photos, in all kinds of clothing and settings not just "cheesecake" lingerie photos. One of the things I hope for with my site, and that I have found, is that I will be able to show people that Super Size women are more then just pretty faces. That we are sexy, funny interesting women who can love their bodies, who can be sexual and sensual and happy the way they are.
I want women to see me and say Wow if she can show a photo in lingerie maybe I can Wear some, maybe I can feel sexy too. I want men who are maybe not so sure about liking really big women to see how sensual we can be.
spending money
1st of the month.
Man is shocking how fast money goes if you are not even trying hard to spend money.
I bought a tank of gas, last tankful I was getting 21 mpg in city, and I hope to get a good idea how much I get on the freeway on my trip. I bought a tripod for my camera so I might be able to take more photos now, fuel additive, a tire gauge ans valve stem extenders.
I also stocked up on meat and a 10 pound turkey I am cooking tomorrow and freezing in chunks, some sliced roast and pork sirloin, I actually got everything on sale by shopping at 8am when they put reduction stickers on stuff and since I divide it up and freeze it it will still be good and will last all month.
I was just about to dye my hair back to red since the blond was turning a really bad shade of orange, but I read on the SALLY BEAUTY SUPPLY site all about how hard and rust water (which I have) will do that to hair so I also invested in some Shimmer Lights shampoo and some Ion brand hard water. I will probably wait until the end of July to darken my hair, the lighter hair sort of washes me out and I had to buy a darker foundation today.
When I buy the light stuff it is pretty easy I know the right color but going darker is a bitch. There are so many different colors and they all look totally different. I hate when you see a woman wearing her foundation so dark that it looks like calamine lotion and cuts off right at her chin like a mask. It makes me want to force her to wash her face.
I took Adam and Brandi out to lunch today at Chef's Hut which is right across from her work, the 3 of us ate for $13, two Monster salads and a big bacon cheese burger, fries and a serving of macaroni salad. I love that place and can't figure out how they stay in business.
I finally gave in, I have been hurting so badly and so desperate for sleep I bought some Smirnoff twisted green apple coolers and drank two of them with a couple pain pills, I know it is not good for me but I did get about 6 hours sleep. I am going to spend the next few days mostly resting and trying to get my back in shape for my trip.
Man is shocking how fast money goes if you are not even trying hard to spend money.
I bought a tank of gas, last tankful I was getting 21 mpg in city, and I hope to get a good idea how much I get on the freeway on my trip. I bought a tripod for my camera so I might be able to take more photos now, fuel additive, a tire gauge ans valve stem extenders.
I also stocked up on meat and a 10 pound turkey I am cooking tomorrow and freezing in chunks, some sliced roast and pork sirloin, I actually got everything on sale by shopping at 8am when they put reduction stickers on stuff and since I divide it up and freeze it it will still be good and will last all month.
I was just about to dye my hair back to red since the blond was turning a really bad shade of orange, but I read on the SALLY BEAUTY SUPPLY site all about how hard and rust water (which I have) will do that to hair so I also invested in some Shimmer Lights shampoo and some Ion brand hard water. I will probably wait until the end of July to darken my hair, the lighter hair sort of washes me out and I had to buy a darker foundation today.
When I buy the light stuff it is pretty easy I know the right color but going darker is a bitch. There are so many different colors and they all look totally different. I hate when you see a woman wearing her foundation so dark that it looks like calamine lotion and cuts off right at her chin like a mask. It makes me want to force her to wash her face.
I took Adam and Brandi out to lunch today at Chef's Hut which is right across from her work, the 3 of us ate for $13, two Monster salads and a big bacon cheese burger, fries and a serving of macaroni salad. I love that place and can't figure out how they stay in business.
I finally gave in, I have been hurting so badly and so desperate for sleep I bought some Smirnoff twisted green apple coolers and drank two of them with a couple pain pills, I know it is not good for me but I did get about 6 hours sleep. I am going to spend the next few days mostly resting and trying to get my back in shape for my trip.
